• If My Body Were A Car

    If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

    I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull but that's not the worst of it.

    My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

    My traction is not as graceful as it once was.I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

    My spare tyres are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

    But here's the worst of it...

    Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter..... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
  • Wrong Number

    Santa Ne Delhi Se Apni Wife Ko Chandigarh Phone Kiya To Naukar Ne Phone Uthaya.

    Santa: Madam Se Baat Karvao Meri.

    Naukar: Wo Toh Sahab Ke Saath Apne Kamre Mein Mauj-Masti Kar Rahi Hai.

    Santa: Hain!!! Par Saab Toh Main Hoon.

    Naukar: Achcha!!!Toh Phir Mein Kya Karoon.

    Santa: Dono Ko Jaake Goli Maar De.

    After Killing
    Naukar: Ab Dead Bodies Ka Kya Karun?

    Santa: Ghar Ke Peeche Jo Swimming Pool Hai Usmein Laashein Phenk De Aur Bhaag Ja.

    Naukar: Par Hamare Ghar Mein To Swimming Pool Hai Hi Nahi.

    Santa: Oh Tuhadi Phen Di, Eh Taan Wrong Number Si.
  • Doctor's Advice

    Yesterday I was talking to my doctor and after knowing my occupation he advised:

    You must exercise more. Don't buy cold drinks from stalls. Drink more plain water. Don't drive when going out. Take public transport or walk. Don't eat out.. Eat less meat especially seafood. Keep to vegetarian diet if possible.

    I nodded and asked: May I know what's wrong with me?

    He answered: Teri Salary Bahut Kam Hai Re...
  • How To Make Pie

    Grandma made such beautiful pies. One day I asked her, "How do you get such beautiful pies with the crimps around the edge so even?"

    "Well, it's a family secret," she said. "But if you promise not to tell, I'll let you in on it."

    "Okay," I said. "Tell me!"

    "Well, first, I roll out the dough, making sure it is flat and even. Then I cut out the bottom layer and carefully put in the pie plate and make sure it is firmly against the sides of the plate.

    "Then I slowly pour in the filling, making sure it's not too full.

    "Next, I cut out the top layer and carefully put it over the filling.

    "Finally, I take out my teeth and just run them around the edge of the pie crust, and they make the nicest even impressions you ever did see!"