• Strange Back Pain

    Santa Apni Problem Leke Doctor Ke Pass Gaya Aur Bola: Doctor Sahab, Jab Bhi Main Seedha Khada Rah Kar... Halka Sa Jhuk Kar Apni Left Leg Ghutne Se Modkar Seedha Karta Hoon... Phir Right Leg Ko Ghutne Se Modkar Seedha Karta Hoon Tab Kamar Mein Dard Hota Hai.

    Doctor, Hairani Se: Abe Agar Aisa Karne Se Dard Hota Hai Toh Tu Aisa Drama Karta Hi Kyun Hai?

    Santa, Badi Hi Masoomiyat Se: Toh Kya Main Ab Underwear Bhi Na Pahnu?
  • Queen Elizabeth & Obama

    As Air Force One arrives at the Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.

    They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards the Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.

    Suddenly, the right rear horse lets out the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is so atrocious that both the passengers in the carriage, must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but, the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident.

    The Queen politely turns to President Obama, "Mr President, please, accept my regrets...I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."

    Obama, always trying to be "Presidential," responded, "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."
  • Counter Proverbs

    Newton's third law states:
    Every action has an equal and an opposite reaction.
    So it would stand to reason that every proverb has an equal and opposite proverb.

    Actions speak louder than words.
    vs
    The pen is mightier than the sword.

    Look before you leap.
    vs
    He who hesitates is lost.

    Many hands make light work.
    vs
    Too many cooks spoil the broth.

    Clothes make the man.
    vs
    Don't judge a book by its cover.

    Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
    vs
    Better safe than sorry.

    The bigger, the better.
    vs
    The best things come in small packages.

    Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
    vs
    Out of sight, out of mind.

    What will be, will be.
    vs
    Life is what you make it.

    Cross your bridges when you come to them.
    vs
    Forewarned is forearmed.

    What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
    vs
    One man's meat is another man's poison.

    With age comes wisdom.
    vs
    Out of the mouths of babes come all wise sayings.

    The more, the merrier.
    vs
    Two's company; three's a crowd.
  • Man United vs Arsenal

    Watching Football With Wife is Really Stressful:

    Wife: Honey Which teams are playing?

    Husband: Arsenal vs Manchester United.

    Wife: Oooh wonderful! I Love Arsenal.

    Husband: That's a good team.

    Wife: Is Ronaldo playing?

    Husband: He doesn't play for any of these teams.

    Wife: Okay sweeety. Is that Chris Brown?

    Husband: [bored] No he is Chamberlain.

    Wife: Okay but they look the same. What's that yellow card for?

    Husband: It's a Warning to the Player.

    After few minutes Rooney scores for Manchester United....

    Wife: [celebrates in high mood] Is that Chamberlain who has scored?

    Husband: [calmly] No it's Rooney for Manchester United...!!

    Wife: [furious] How? it should be Arsenal who should have scored!!

    Husband: [silent]

    Wife: What is that Red card for?

    Husband: [bored] That means the player should go out of the pitch for misbehaving.

    Wife: Then is he going to be a Coach?

    Husband:[unwilling to answer] Aaaaaaaaa no...
    Wife: It's the same with Traffic Lights: Yellow= Preparning; Red=Danger.

    Husband: Exactly darling...
    Wife: What about the Green Card?

    Husband: Mmmm nothing of that kind in a field of play....

    Wife: I want Arsenal to win the World Cup...

    Husband: [silent]

    Wife: Who is that man standing who looks like Mr. Bean?

    Husband: [bored] it's the Arsenal coach, Arsene Wenger.

    Wife: That means the other opponent's coach is Manchest Wenger?

    Husband: [CHANGES THE CHANNEL]
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