|It's 3:00 A.M. and Goldie wakes up to see her husband pacing the floor.|
"Morris, why can't you sleep?" she asks him.
"You know our next door neighbor, Sam. I borrowed $1000 from him, and it's due tomorrow morning and I don't have the money. I don't know what I'm going to do." Morris replies.
Goldie gets out of bed and opens the window.
"Sam!" she shouts, and several times more, "Sam! Sam!"
Finally a very groggy Sam opens the window opposite her and yells back, "What, what is it? It's 3 AM, what do you want?"
Goldie says, "You know the $1000 my husband owes you? He doesn't have it."
She then slams the window shut and turns to Morris and says, "Now you go to sleep and let Sam pace the floor."
|Bank's ATM Officer goes to a South Indian restaurant.|
He asks the waiter: What have you got?
Waiter: Idly, vada, uppma, pongal, dosa, poori, parotta, naan, oothappam, idiyappam..
Banker: OK... ok... bring idly, vada, and dosa. And 2 oothappam for parcel...
Waiter: Sorry sir... all sold out. Nothing is left.
Banker: Then why the hell you recited such a big menu ?
Waiter: Sir, I go to your ATM daily. After asking for PIN , Account details, Amount required , whether printed receipt required etc. etc... and it finally says 'No Cash'.....
Now you know how it feels when that happens!!!!!
|Ever since Rob was a child, he had a fear of someone under his bed at night. So he went to a Psychiatrist and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."|
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you," Rob said.
Six months later he met the Psychiatrist on the street.
"Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.
"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV."
"Is that so!" With a bit of an attitude he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed - ain't nobody under there now!"
FORGET THOSE PSYCHIATRISTS... GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER. There is always another way to solve a problem.
|A retired older couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter.|
The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply.
"Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $55,000 asking price," said the older man.
"Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $30,000 to the lovely young lady there."
"And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model."
The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water.
"Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?" Replied the grinning salesman a wee bit sheepishly...
Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man...
"There you go, dad" she said. "I told you, I could get that idiot to lower the price."