• Dead Rabbit!

    A man finds his dog with a dead rabbit in its mouth. He realizes that the rabbit is a pet of his next-door neighbour.

    In a panic he cleans the rabbit up and sneaks it into its cage, hoping his neighbor will think their pet died of natural causes.

    Next day he spots his neighbor digging a hole in the flower beds and goes over to investigate.

    "What are you doing?" asks the man.

    "Burying my rabbit again," replies the neighbor. "There sure are some sick people around here. The rabbit dropped dead on Monday, I buried it on Tuesday, and on Wednesday some bastard dug it up, gave it a wash , and stuck it back in its cage."
  • Taking Sick Leave

    Story from an IT guy...
    I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'CRAZY' then he would tell me to take a few days off.

    So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker, Santa, asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

    A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?"

    I told him I was a light bulb.

    He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

    I jumped down and walked out of the office.

    When Santa followed me, the Boss asked him, "... And where do you think you're going?"

    Santa said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."
  • Just Another Woman

    A man came home from the mine where he works, very sad and stressed.

    The wife asks: Babe what's wrong???

    The man says: All the people I'm working with are dead.

    Wife: What happened??

    Man: The lift cables broke and the lift lost control and killed all of them.

    Wife: How did you survive??

    Man: Had a running stomach so I went to the toilet... when coming back, they were gone, and every family will receive $10 million each.

    Wife: Daaaaamn!!! You mean i have lost $10 million because of Your ......ShiiiiT !?!?!?
  • If Lion goes Onsite!

    In a poor zoo in India, a lion was offered not more than 1 kg of meat a day.

    The lion thought that its prayers were answered when one day a USA zoo manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to USA.

    The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/C environment, a goat or two every day.

    On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag sealed very nicely, for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained a few bananas and some boiled vegetables.

    The lion thought that may be they cared too much for him and were worried about his stomach, as he had been recently shifted from India.

    The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food - a bag of bananas, was delivered.

    The lion was furious ; it stopped the delivery boy and blasted him, "Don't you know that I am the Lion - King of the Jungle ? What's wrong with your management ? Why are you delivering bananas and boiled vegetables to me daily ?"

    The delivery boy politely said, "Sir I know you are the King of the Jungle... But you have been brought here on a monkey's visa !!!!"

    Moral of the story: To all the H1B visa aspirants.... Better to be a lion in India than a monkey elsewhere.