• Taming The Lion

    Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."

    The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."

    "Yes I do!"

    "Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"

    "Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down."

    "Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"

    "Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down."

    "Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"

    "Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."

    "Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"

    "Well, then I pick up some of the shit that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage."

    "Well, what if there ain't no shit in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?"

    "Well, that's dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some SHIT on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that."
  • Simple Home Remedies

    Amazingly simple home remedies:

    1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

    2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

    3. For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

    4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

    5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.

    6. You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40.. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

    7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
  • Jhoota Kahin Ka

    Ek Aadmi Jhoot Bolne Ki Wajah Se Kaafi Mashhoor Ho Gaya. Ek Din Vo Kisi Dusre Shaher Me Chala Gaya.

    Ek Assi Saal Ki Budhi Aurat Ko Pata Chala Toh Darti Hui Aayi Aur Boli: Beta, Tum Hi Duniya Ke Sabse Jhoote Aadmi Ho Na ?

    Aadmi Bola: Logon Ki Baaton Ko Dafa Karo... Main Toh Ye Dekh Kar Hairaan Hu Ki Is Umrr Mein Ye Husn, Ye Rang, Or Ye Dilkashhi.... Bahut Khud... Lajawaab...

    Budhi Aurat, Sharmati Hui: Yaa Allah! Ye Log Bhi Kitne Zaalim Hain. Achche Bhale Sache Insaan Ko Jhoota Kehte Hain !!!
  • An Angry Mom

    Ek Baar Ek Aurat Haath Mein Hathoda Liya Apne Bete Ke School Mein Pahunchi Aur Chaprasi Se Puchne Lagi: Gupta Madam Ki Class Kaun Si Hai?

    Haath Mein Hathoda Dekhkar Chaprasi Ne Darte Hua Pucha: Kya Hua Behanji, Kyun Puch Rahi Hain Aap, Kya Kaam Hai?

    Hathoda Hilaate Hui Vo Aurat Hui Boli: Arey Vo Mere Bete Ki Class Teacher Hai.

    Chaprasi Ne Daudkar Gupta Madam Ke Paas Gaya Aur Batay Ki Ek Aurat Haath Mein Hathoda Liye Gusse Mein Unhe Dhoondh Rahi Hai.

    Ye Sunkar Gupta Madam Ke Hosh Ud Gaye. Vo Phataphat Principal Ke Paas Gayi Aur Aurat Waali Baat Bataai.

    Principal Daudta Hua Us Aurat Ke Paas Gaya Darte Hue, Bade Hi Respect Se Bola: Krpya Kar Ke Aap Shaant Ho Jaaiye.

    Aurat: Mein Shaant Hi Hoon. Aap Bas Mujhe Ye Batao Ki Gupta Madam Ki Class Kahan Hai?

    Principal Bola: Aap Mujhe Bataiye Ki Baat Kya Hai?

    Aurat: Baat Kuch Bhi Nahin Hai. Mujhe Bas Gupta Madam Ki Class Mein Jaana Hai.

    Principal: Lekin Kyun? Hua Kya Hai?

    Aurat: Kyunki Mujhe Wahan Us Bench Ki Keel Thokna Hai Jis Par Mera Beta Baithta Hai. Kal Vo School Se Teesri Pant Phaadkar Aaya Hai.

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT