• Grandma's Cruise

    The children and grand children of an elderly Jewish woman decided to send grandma on a cruise.

    Grandma boarded the ship and showed her ticket to the purser.

    He looked at it and said, "Oh, I see you have U.D."

    She replied, "U.D.?

    Voos is U.D.? He said, "U.D. is Upper Deck."

    She then went to the upper deck and showed her ticket to the purser there.

    He said, "I see, that in addition to U.D., you also have O.C."

    Grandma replied, "O.C.? Voos is O.C.?"

    The purser said, "O.C. is Outside Cabin."

    Grandma, needless to say, was delighted.

    She then showed her ticket to the cabin boy and he said, "Oh, I see that you also have B.I.B."

    "Voos is B.I.B.?" asked grandma.

    The cabin boy answered, "B.I.B. is Breakfast In Bed."

    "Oh!!!" she said; "Mine children and grandchildren are vonderful."

    Well, the next morning, bright and early, the staff came right into her room with trays of food for her breakfast in bed.

    She said, "F.U.C.K"

    Shocked, they said, "F.U.C.K? What do you mean F.U.C.K.?"

    To which she replied, "Yes, F.U.C.K.... First U Could Knock!"
  • Dancing to The Music...

    An old woman walked up and tied her mule to the hitching post.

    As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whisky in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, "Hey old woman, have you ever danced?"

    The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No,.... I never did dance... never really wanted to."

    A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old bag, you're going to dance noe," and started shooting at the old woman feet.

    The old woman prospector - not wanting to get her toes blown off - started hopping around. Everyone was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

    The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out her double-barrelled shotgun and cocked both hammers.

    The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd stopped laughing immediately.

    The young gunslinger heard the sound too and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

    The barrels of the gun never wavered in the old woman hands, as she quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a Mule's ass?"

    The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No m'am... but I've always wanted to."

    There are five lessons here for all of us:
    1 - Never be arrogant.
    2 - Don't waste ammunition.
    3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
    4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.
    5 - Don't mess with old people; they didn't get old by being stupid.
  • Father's Ashes

    Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time.

    Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle.

    When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase. "Oh, those are my father's ashes," Stacey informs her new friend.

    However, this startles her so that she drops the vase with a - ashes and broken vase scattering all around.

    After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no... I'm, oh!... I, can't... didn't mean to.."

    "It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just from Wal- Mart."

    The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But... but your husband's ashes..."

    "Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to get off his lazy butt and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on!"
  • Lip Kiss!!!

    Pappu Ki Ek Ladki Se Kaafi Time Se Setting Chal Rahi Thi. Bahut Manane Ke Baad Vo Kiss Ke Liye Razi Hui.

    Pappu Ne Sham Ko Use Apne Ghar Bulaya Aur Bola: Chal Aaj Ambulance-Ambulance Khelte Hain.

    Ladki: Oye, Ye Kaisi Game Hai? Maine Toh Iska Naam Tak Nahi Suna Aaj Tak.

    Pappu Muskurate Hue: Badi Simple Game Hai Yaar, Main Tumhe Gall Pe Kiss Karunga, Aur Jab Tum Mujhe Rokna Chaho To Bolna Red Light. Ladki Kuch Soch Ke Boli: Theek Hai. Pappu Ne Gall Pe Kiss Kiya Aur Phir Lip Kiss Karne Laga Toh Ladki Chillane Lagi: Red Light...... Red Light
    Red Light... Kya Kar Rahe Ho??? Peeche Hato......
    Red Light.... Mujhe Nahin Khelna.....
    Red Light....
    Kutte Kamine Red Light.....
    Ruk To Sahi Besharam......

    Pappu Shaitani Hasi Hanste Hue Bola: Arey Pagli, Ambulance Bhi Kabhi Red Light Pe Rukti Hai???