• Shopping With Grandma

    Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store.

    Little Johnny wanted to go to the toy department, but grandmother said that they had to stop in the ladies clothing department first. He obviously couldn't wait that long, and the next time his grandmother turned around he was gone.

    She panicked and looked everywhere for him, but he had disappeared. Finally she went to the customer service desk, intending to have them announce his name over the PA system. To her relief he was already there waiting for her.

    The woman at the desk said, "He wanted us to announce your name over the PA system, but he didn't know what your name was. We asked him what his daddy called you, and he replied 'mom', next we asked him what Grandpa called you and he replied 'Sugar'.

    "We were almost out of questions for him when another lady suggested that your daughter-in-law might call you by your first name.

    "We were so happy to see you show up at the desk," she continued, "because when we asked him what his mommy called you, we were out of ideas!"

    "Well," asked Little Johnny's grandmother curiously, "What did he say?"

    "He said," she replied, "that his mother called you 'THE B-TCH'!"
  • Never Annoy Your Barber

    Manglu: Apne Pasandeeda Hair Cuting Salon Mein Shave Karwaane Pahuncha.

    Shave Karwate Samaye Uska Dhyaan Baaju Waali Khali Kursi Par Gaya Toh Usne Naai Se Puchcha Kya Baat Hai Bhai Aaj Tera Partner Golu Nahi Dikh Raha Hai. Chhuti Par Hai Kaya?

    Barber Ne Jawaab Diya: Vo Toh Jail Mein Hai!

    Manglu: Kyun Bhai!? Kya Ho Gya Aisa?? Kya Kar Diya Golu Ne???

    Barber: Vo Kya Hai Ki Aajkal Dhanda Bahut Manda Chal Raha Hai Isliye Golu Bahut Pareshan Rehta Tha! Kal Ek Grahak Aaya, Usne Shave Karwayi Toh Golu Ne Us Se Pucha Ki Massage Bhi Kar Dun Kya? Toh Us Grahak Ne Mana Kar Diya! Bas Golu Ko Gussa Aa Gya Aur Usne Uske Gale Par Ustra Maar Diya. Filhaal Golu Attempt Of Murder Ke Case Mein Andar Hai!

    Manglu: Aree Bhai Yeh Toh Bada Hi Bura Huya!

    Barber: Haan Sachmuch Bahut Bura Huya! Achcha Chaliye Choriye Aapki Shave Toh Ho Gayi, Masaage Bhi Kar Dun Naa?

    Manglu (Ghabrakar): Haan Haan Bhai, Kyun Nahi, Jaroor, Jaroor Mujhe Toh Baal Bhi Thode Bade Lag Rahe Hain... Lage Haath Vo Bhi Kaat De Bhai... Bas Naraaz Na Hona!
  • A Horrible Way to Die

    Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike Reid is dead??!!!"

    "Woah, what the hell happened to him?"

    "Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."

    "What a horrible way to die!"

    "No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."

    "What a way to go, that's terrible!"

    "No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."

    "Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"

    "No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."

    "Man, what a way to go!"

    "No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."

    "Now that is one awful way to go!"

    "No no, he survived that..."

    "Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"

    "I shot him!"

    "You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"

    "He was wrecking my house."
  • A Dinner Date

    Ladki: Chalo Aaj Kahin Bahar Chalte Hain Dinner Ke Liye.
    Ladka, (CA Student): Theek Hai.
    Ladki: Kahan Leke Chaloge?
    Ladka: Sher-E-Punjab Chalte Hain, Wahan Ki Prepration Achchi Hai Aur Rate Bhi Theek Hain.
    Ladki: Na!!! Badi Hi Sasti Aur Aur Bekaar Sa Hai. Let's Go To Barbeque Nation (Thoda Costly Restaurant).
    Ladka, Thodi Der Chup Rehne Ke Baad: Theek Hai, Jaisa Tum Kaho. Main Theek 7 Baje Aa Jaunga Tumhe Pick Karne.
    Ladka Theek 7 Baje Ladki Ko Uske Ghar Se Pick Karta Hai. Raaste Mein Ladka Kehta Hai: Tumhe Pata Hai Ek Baar Maine Apni Sister Ke Saath Gol-Gappe Khaane Ki Bet Lagayi.
    Ladki: Achcha?? Phir Kaun Jeeta?
    Ladka: Maine 30 Gol-Gappe Kha Liye Aur Jeet Gaya.
    Ladki: Bas 30? Ismein Kaun Si Badi Baat Hai.
    Ladka: Main Toh Is Se Bhi Jyada Kha Sakta Hun. Gol-Gappe Khaane Mein Mujhe Hara Mushkil Hai.
    Ladki: Rehne Do, Main Tumhe Bade Araam Se Hara Sakti Hun.
    Ladka: Aree Rehne Do, Tumhare Bas Ka Nahin Hai.
    Ladki: Achcha... Chalo Theek Hai, Ho Jaye Competition?
    Ladka: Rehne Do, Tum Haar Jaogi.
    Ladki: C'mon, Aaj Ho Hi Jaye... Raaste Mein Vo Ek Gol-Gappe Ke Stall Pe Rukte Hain Aur Competion Start.
    After About 30 Pani-Puri The Boy Gave Up. The Girl Was Also Full, Lekin Ladke Ko Haraane Ke Chakkar Mein Usne 2 Aur Kha Liye And Khushi Se Chilliati Hui Boli: Main Jeet Gayi... Tum Haar Gaye.
    Bill Aaya Sirf Rs 120/-

    Moral: The main aim of ‎Cost Accounting‬ is to Identify & Control the Cost