|This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk.|
The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking.
With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt there after.
Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he is going to be arrested.
The Englishman answers with humour: No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you know that this is a British car and my wife is driving... on the other side???
|Golfer: Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake.|
Caddy: Think you can keep your head down that long?
Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddy: Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth.
Golfer: Do you think my game is improving?
Caddy: Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.
Golfer: Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?
Golfer: You've got to be the worst caddy in the world.
Caddy: I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.
Golfer: Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of A distraction.
Caddy: It's not a watch : it's a compass.
Golfer: How do you like my game?
Caddy: Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.
Golfer: Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day.
Golfer: This is the worst course I've ever played on.
Caddy: This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago.
Best Caddy Comment
Golfer: That can't be my ball, it's too old.
Caddy: It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.
|Woman goes to travel agent and says, "Honeymoon Ka Sasta Package Hai koi?"|
Agent says, "Ji Mam, 50k mein 3N/4D in Bangkok including flight hotel and food."
Woman replies, "Aur Koi Sasta??"
Agent says, "Kashmir 3N/4D all inclusive 35k."
Woman goes, "Isse Bhi koi Sasta?"
Agent replies, "Ji Madam, Ek Special Offer Hai - 10N/11D in London and Paris via Milan, stay in honeymoon suite and complementary chauffeured car. Package is completely free!!!"
Woman is overjoyed and immediately tells him, "Awww my god!!! Yeh Toh incredible offer Hai, Zaroor Kuchh Catch Hoga?"
Agent says, "Koi catch Nahi Madam, Bas Husband Hamari Taraf Se Hota Hai!!!"
|I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.|
On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
He replies, "Get out, you moron, you're on my side."