• For Coffee!!!

    A Chinese man boarded a flight to Chicago and promptly sat down on the first seat he encountered.

    He was soon told that seat was reserved for flight attendants. With his limited English he did not fully understand what he was told but hand signals soon got him to move a little further back.

    Soon there was another person persuading him to move out of first class. Again he moved further back.

    There was yet another discussion and he took no further chances and went to the very last seat in the tourist section.

    Some time later a flight attendant asked him if he was 'For Coffee!'

    Furious he replied, "You foh coffee, I stayah hee."

  • Honeymoon Trip

    On a visit to my wife's native England for our honeymoon, we arrived at London's Gatwick Airport.

    Tania headed for the British-passport control line while I, an American, waited in the foreigners' line.

    When my turn came, the customs officer asked me the purpose of my visit.

    "Pleasure," I replied. "I'm on my honeymoon."

    The officer looked first to one side of me, then the other.

    "That's very interesting, sir," he said as he stamped my passport. "Most men bring their wives with them."
  • The Loyalty Oath

    An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died.

    Until then, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued.

    "You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please."

    The old gal raised her right hand.

    "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question.

    The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, "Uhhh..... all by myself?"
  • Pilot Recruitment

    The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.

    As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.

    He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

    The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"

    The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!"

    The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"

    The young man says, "I chop wood!"

    "Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?"

    "I chop wood!"

    "Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"

    "Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"

    "Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"

    The young man rolls his eyes and says, "So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!"
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