• The Breathalyzer Test

    A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

    "I can't do that, officer."

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."

    "Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."

    "Can't do that either, officer."

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."

    "Alright, we could get a blood sample."

    "Can't do that either, officer."

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die."

    "Fine then, just walk this white line."

    "Can't do that either, officer."

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm too drunk to do that."
  • Awesome Girlfriends

    A Boy to a girl: Hey!!! New Laptop?
    Girl: Yes!
    Boy: Even I've got a new one.
    Girl: Oh really!!! Which one?
    Boy: Dell Inspiron 14 5000, 14 inch touch screen, 1.7ghz intel core i5 CPU, 8GB RAM, 1TB hard disk, windows 8.1, HD graphics, bluetooth 4.0, HD 720p webcam and 3 cell lithium ion battery.
    Girl: Ohh nice.
    Boy: And Yours?
    Girl: Mera Na Pink Wala Hai, Usmein Internet Bhi Hai, Songs Bhi Hain, Aur Usmein Pendrive Bhi Laga Sakte Hain.

    Ek Ladke Ko Uski Girlfriend Ne 2 Baar Message Kiya Aur Dono Hi Baar Ladka Heart Attack Ki Vajah Se Marte-Marte Ye Hain Vo Do Message:
    Pehla: Bahut Ho Gaya... It's Time to Break-up... Sab Kuch Khatam Ho Gaya.
    Doosra Message: Sorry... Sorryyy... Ye Message Tumhaare Liye Nahin Tha...

    Girl: Ye Lo Pendrive, Ismein FACEBOOK Aur Whatsapp Daal Do Please.
    Boy gave a surprised look to the girl...
    Girl: Kya Hua, 2 GB Mein Nahin Aayega Kya???

    Girlfriend: McDonald's Chalein?
    Boy: Spelling Bolo Toh Hi Jayenge.
    Girlfriend: McDonald's Rehne Do, KFC Chalte Hain...
    Boy: Agar KFC Ka Full Form Bata Dogi Toh Le Chalunga.
    Girlfriend: Rehne De Kanjoos. Samosa Hi Khila De.
  • Practical Demonstration

    A Little kid was having a problem with his homework.

    Dad, he asked, "What is the difference between anger and exasperation?"

    "Well, son," said his father, "I'll give you a practical demonstration."

    His father picked up the phone and dialled a number.

    "Hello," said a voice at the other end.

    "Hello," said his father. "Is Melvin there?"

    "There is no one called Melvin here!" the voice replied. "Why don't you look up numbers before you dial them?"

    "You see?" said kid's father. "That man was not at all happy with our call. Now watch this!"'

    He then dialled the number again, and says, "Hello, is Melvin there?"

    "Now look here!" the voice said angrily. "I told you there is no Melvin here! You have got a lot of nerve calling again!"

    "Did you hear that?" kid's father asked. "That was anger. Now, I will show you what exasperation is!"

    He dialled once again. And on hearing the voice at the other end, he said, "Hello! This is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?"
  • India Vs Pakistan World Cup Memes

    Afridi to Misbah: So, shall I play my original game ya Tik Ke Khelun???
    Misbah: Sohail played really well, It was not our day.
    Afridi: Kya Bakwaas Hai Ye???
    Misbah: Oye Gussa Na Kar Bhai. Preparing for Presentation Ceremony.

    Positive Attitude:
    In Changing Room Pakistani players: Ye Mat Dekho Ki Hum Haar Gaye.... Ye Dekho Ke Batting Karne Ka Chance Hum Sab Ko Mila!!!

    Meanwhile Nawaz Sharif is ready to file a complaint to UNO that: Pehle Kashmir Nahi Dete The Aur Ab Hamare Players Ko Full 50 Over Bhi Nahin Khen De Rahe...

    Aur Isi Beech Pakistan Mein Patakhon Ki Dukaan Ke Bahar Boards Laga Diye Gaye Hain: Becha Hua Maal Vaapas Nahin Hoga!!!

    Alia Bhatt called Salman Khan and said: Yeh Sohail Khan Pakistan Ki Taraf Se Kyun Khela ?

    In a School
    Teacher: What is your name?
    Student: Mera Naam Misba Ul Haq Hai...
    Teacher: Speak in English.
    Student: Inshallah! The Boys Played Well.

    Dear Team India,
    Vo Jo Hum Kah Rahe The Na Ki Bas Pakistan Ko Hara Do Chahe World Cup Haar Jaana... Hum Batana Chahte Hain Ki Vo Toh Hum Aiise Hi MAzaak KAr Rahe The... Hamein World Cup Bhi Chahiye.