|"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging stomach.|
"Why, no Father," answered the nun demurely, "It's just a little gas."
A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun noticing her habit barely fit across her belly.
"Oh, just a bit of gas," said sister Ann, blushing a bit.
On his next visit Father Dan was walking down the corridor when he passed Sister Ann wheeling a baby carriage. Looking in, the priest observed, "Cute little Fart!"
|The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate an occasion with a 'little' stowed away rum. Unfortunately he got drunk and was still drunk the next morning.|
The captain saw him drunk and when the first mate was sober, showed him the following entry in the ship's log: 'The first mate was drunk today.'
"Captain please don't let that stay in the log," the mate said.
"This could add months or years to my becoming a captain myself.
"Is it true?" asked the captain, already knowing the answer.
"Yes, its true," the mate said.
"Then if it is true it has to go in the log. That's the rule. If its true it goes into the log, end of discussion," said the captain sternly.
Weeks later, it was the first mate's turn to make the log entries. The first mate wrote: "The ship seems in good shape. The captain was sober today."
|A couple, hosting a dinner party, were interrupted when the maid called the hostess to the kitchen.|
"Ma'am, the cat climbed up on the kitchen counter and ate the lot of the fresh salmon."
Light on her feet, the hostess told her to replace the missing portion with canned salmon, then returned to her guests. As everyone enjoyed the fish, the maid summoned the hostess into the kitchen again.
"Ma'am, the cat is dead!"
The frightened hostess felt obliged to inform her guests and suggested everyone go to the hospital together to get their stomachs pumped.
Returning home after their long, expensive, and embarrassing ordeal, she asked the maid where she had put the cat. "Nowhere, Ma'am. It's still out in the street where the car hit it!"
|Interviewers ask routine questions to a candidate....|
Q: Tell us about yourself ?
A: Yourself is pronoun used when the subject and object of the verb are you.
Q: What are your expectations ?
Q: What challenges you faced in your earlier job ?
A: Staying awake after lunch !!
Q: Why do you want to join our company ?
A: Nobody else is taking me. Your company is closer to my home....
Q: What attracts you to our company ?
A: The receptionist !!
Q: Why you left your previous job ?
A: Previous company shifted office and they didn't inform me new address !!
Q: Are you willing to travel 20 days in a month ?
A: Yes...but just don't ask me where I had gone...!!