Santa travelling by train to Mumbai and was tearing bits out of a newspaper, rolling them into small balls and then chucking them out of the window.
Perplexed co-passenger: Why are you doing this?
Santa: To keep away the elephants.
Co-passenger: But there aren't any elephant around!
Santa: I know. Very effective, isn't it!
Nasruddin had a leaky ferry-boat, and used it to row people across the river. One day his passenger was a fussy schoolteacher, and on the way across he decided to give Nasruddin a test and see how much he knew.
"Tell me, Nasruddin, what are eight sixes?"
"I've no idea"
"How do you spell magnificence?"
"Didn't you study anything at school?"
"In that case, half your life is lost."
Just then a fierce storm blew up, and the boat began to sink.
"Tell me, schoolteacher," said Nasruddin. "Did you ever learn to swim?"
"In that case, your whole life is lost."
As Air Force One arrives at the Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.
They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards the Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.
Suddenly, the right rear horse lets out the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is so atrocious that both the passengers in the carriage, must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but, the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident.
The Queen politely turns to President Obama, "Mr President, please, accept my regrets... I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
Obama, always trying to be "Presidential," responded, "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."
Moral of the story: Silence is Golden!
Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbour and decided to go to a calm place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
A few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate and heard a voice saying, "One for me, one for you, one for me, one for you..."
He immediately sobered up and ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest, "Father, please come with me. Come and witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery."
They both ran back to the cemetery gate and the voices continued, "One for me, one for you, one for me, one for you..."
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said, "What about the two at the gate?"
The priest almost ran past the church gate...shouting, "We are not dead yet oooohh!!!"