• Bad Timing!

    Life just gets better as you get older doesn't it.

    I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.

    The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.

    After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.

    I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

    I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my I-Pod.

    This is what happens when old people start using up-to-date Technology.
  • The Pope and Trump

    The Pope and Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

    The Pope leaned towards Mr. Trump and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoince!"

    Trump replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!"

    So the Pope slapped him.
  • Stop Using Paper Towels

    A class had been studying destruction of the rain forest and was talking about ways they could help protect the planet.

    One boy was particularly proud of his contribution. He announced, "I got at least seven kids to stop using paper towels in the bathroom at school!"

    The teacher congratulated him, and asked how he had accomplished such a feat.

    "Simple! I just taught them all to wipe their hands on their shirts like I do!"
  • Proverds & Counter Proverbs

    Actions speak louder than words.
    vs
    The pen is mightier than the sword.

    Look before you leap.
    vs
    He who hesitates is lost.

    Many hands make light work.
    vs
    Too many cooks spoil the broth.

    Clothes make the man.
    vs
    Don't judge a book by its cover.

    Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
    vs
    Better safe than sorry.

    The bigger, the better.
    vs
    The best things come in small packages.

    Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
    vs
    Out of sight, out of mind.

    What will be, will be.
    vs
    Life is what you make it.

    Cross your bridges when you come to them.
    vs
    Forewarned is forearmed.

    What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
    vs
    One man's meat is another man's poison.

    With age comes wisdom.
    vs
    Out of the mouths of babes come all wise sayings.

    The more, the merrier.
    vs
    Two's company; three's a crowd.
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