• That Awkward Moment

    An American girl was visiting England and was invited to a party. While dancing with a stuffy monocled Englishman, her necklace became unfastened and slipped down the back of her dress.

    She asked the Englishman to retrieve the jewelry piece for her.

    He was very embarrassed but wishing to comply with her request he reached cautiously down the back of her gown.

    "I'm terribly sorry," he said, "but I can't seem to reach it."

    Try further down," she said.

    At this point he noticed that he was being watched by everyone in the room which made him feel most uncomfortable and he whispered to the girl, "I feel such a perfect ass."

    "Never mind that!" she cried. "Just get the damn necklace."
  • Reactions to India's Win Over Pakistan

    India defeated Pakistan in the Champions Trophy match at Birmingham. Here are various reactions to this win:
    Pakistan Government denies that it ever sent a cricket team to Birmingham. It says the evidence provided by India is doctored. It challenges India to produce "unequivocal evidence" and not merely claim it won the match.

    NDTV has supported Pakistan's claim.

    Manishankar Aiyer claimed in fact Pakistan won the match.

    Arundhati Roy has claimed that whilst Prima Facie there is no evidence that India defeated Pakistan, if it did so, it was a gross violation of the rights of innocent Pakistanis. She plans to go to International Human Rights Commission for getting this investigated.

    Shashi Tharror has said it is an "exasperating farrago of distortions, misrepresentations&outright lies being broadcast by an unprincipled showman masquerading as a journalist". When the journalist tried to search for the meaning of Tharror's words, the computer crashed.

    Nidhi Razdan meanwhile ousted Sambit Patra from the debate when he claimed that Pakistan lost the match.

    Ravish Kumar could not be seen since the screen was kept black in mourning.

    Kejriwal said that if Pakistan lost, it was probably due to "hacking of the scoreboard" and challenged ICC to have a rematch.

    Prashant Bhushan plans to take this to Supreme Court at around 2 AM.

    Inzmam Ul Haq was asked about the match. All he could say was, "The boys played well."

    Rahul Gandhi said he would have to analyze the results and meditate before commenting. He is going to Bangkok for a month for the same purpose.

    Akhilesh Yadav, when asked about the match first wanted to know how many players from Gujarat were in the winning team.

    Arun Jaitley directly described the win as a result of demonetisation.

    Amit Shah said this win is a proof that the people want BJP government in 2019.

    Yogi Adityanath said Pakistan lost because it ate beef.

    Trump has sent a confusing tweet congratulating India. It strangely reads: "Covfefe"

    A correspondent tried to contact Arnab Goswami to know his reaction. He has since gone deaf, so we will never know Arnab's reaction.
  • Bunch of Cows

    A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be macho, so he went out walking with one of the hired hands.

    As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried to begin a conversation, "Say, look at that big bunch of cows."

    The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd'."

    "Heard what?"

    "Herd of cows."

    "Sure, I've heard of cows... there's a big bunch of 'em right over there."
  • Normal Politician vs Shashi Tharoor

    What's the difference between a normal politician and Shashi Tharoor?

    Normal Politician: People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
    Shashi Tharoor: Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

    Normal Politician: Twinkle, twinkle, little star...
    Shashi Tharoor: Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

    Normal Politician: All that glitters is not gold.
    Shashi Tharoor: All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

    Normal Politician: Beggars are not choosers.
    Shashi Tharoor: Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

    Normal Politician: Dead men tell no tales.
    Shashi Tharoor: Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

    Normal Politician: Beginner's luck.
    Shashi Tharoor: Neophyte's serendipity.

    Normal Politician: Birds of a feather flock together.

    Shashi Tharoor: Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

    Normal Politician: Beauty is only skin deep.
    Shashi Tharoor: Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

    Normal Politician: Cleanliness is godliness.
    Shashi Tharoor: Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

    Normal Politician: There's no use crying over spilt milk.
    Shashi Tharoor: It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

    Normal Politician: You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks.
    Shashi Tharoor: It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

    Normal Politician: Look before you leap.
    Shashi Tharoor: Surveillance should precede saltation.

    Normal Politician: He who laughs last, laughs best.
    Shashi Tharoor: The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.

    Normal Politician: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
    Shashi Tharoor: Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.

    Normal Politician: Where there's smoke, there's fire!
    Shashi Tharoor: Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.venance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
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