Santa walked into a bar one evening, sat down and said, "Bar man, give me 1 bottle of beer, and give everybody here 2 bottles. As I am drinking, let them be drinking."
The bar man obeyed. Everybody hailed Santa.
As they were all drinking, Santa said, "Bar man, give me 1 bowl of chicken soup, and give everybody here 2 bowls of chicken soup each, as I am eating, let them be eating."
The bar man obeyed. Everybody praised Santa.
Minutes later, Santa said, "Bar man, bring me my bill, and bring everybody their bill, as I am paying, let them be paying."
The Sultan of a great city was annoyed by the cheats and liars who entered his gates and caused trouble. He therefore set soldiers at all entrances. The soldiers were under orders to hang those who lied about their purpose for wishing to enter.
The Mulla Nasruddin saddled his donkey and rode to the city.
At the gate a guard stopped him and asked his purpose in wishing to enter and warned him that a lie would result in his being hanged.
"This is good for I have come to be hanged." said Nasruddin.
"You are a liar and will certainly hang!" said the guard
"Then you know I have spoken the truth and should not be hanged." said Nasruddin.
Santa travelling by train to Mumbai and was tearing bits out of a newspaper, rolling them into small balls and then chucking them out of the window.
Perplexed co-passenger: Why are you doing this?
Santa: To keep away the elephants.
Co-passenger: But there aren't any elephant around!
Santa: I know. Very effective, isn't it!
Nasruddin had a leaky ferry-boat, and used it to row people across the river. One day his passenger was a fussy schoolteacher, and on the way across he decided to give Nasruddin a test and see how much he knew.
"Tell me, Nasruddin, what are eight sixes?"
"I've no idea"
"How do you spell magnificence?"
"Didn't you study anything at school?"
"In that case, half your life is lost."
Just then a fierce storm blew up, and the boat began to sink.
"Tell me, schoolteacher," said Nasruddin. "Did you ever learn to swim?"
"In that case, your whole life is lost."