• Be Careful What You Wish For

    Two Irishmen, adrift in a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean, spied a lamp floating nearby. They retrieved it, and, hoping against hope, rubbed it. Sure enough, a genie appeared.

    "I will grant you one wish," said the genie.

    "One? What about three?"

    "One or none; take it or leave it!"

    Without thinking, Pat blurted out, "Turn the ocean into Guinness!"

    The genie clapped his hands as he disappeared and the entire sea turned into Guinness. As the beer lapped gently against the hull, Mike looked disgusted.

    "Dammit, Pat... Ya shoulda thought ahead. Now we're going to have to pee in the damned boat!"
  • Medical Specialists!

    A dentist, doing his first extraction on a patient, was understandably nervous. When he got the molar out, his hand shook, he lost his grip on the instrument, and the tooth dropped down into the patient's throat.

    "Sorry," said the doctor. "You're outside my specialty now. You should see a laryngologist!."

    By the time the unfortunate victim got to the laryngologist, the tooth had worked its way much further down.

    The laryngologist examined the man.

    "Sorry," said the doctor, "You're outside my specialty now. You should see a Gastrologist!"

    The gastrologist X-rayed the patient.

    "Sorry," said the doctor,"the tooth has traveled into your lower intestines. You should see an enterologist!''

    The enterologist took some X rays.

    "Sorry, the toothisn't there. It must have gone down farther. You should see a proctologist!"

    Ourpatient is now on the proctologist's examining table, in the properelbow-knee position.

    TheĀ· doctor has inserted a proctoscope and is looking through it.

    "Good heavens, man! You've got a tooth up there! You should see a dentist!"

    Dedicated to Super Speciality Hospitals.
  • Robot Car Aur Bachche!

    Ek Aadmi Ek Aisi Robot Car Banat Hai Jo Bina Driver Ke Sab Kaam Karti Hai.

    Ek Din Us Aadmi Ki Wife Usse Kehti Hai: Bachchon Ki School Ki Chhutti Ka Time Ho Gaya, Apni Car Se Bolo Baccho Ko Le Aaye.

    Aadmi Ne Car Ko Bola: Go And Get My Kids From School.

    Car Ko Gaye Kaafi Time Ho Gaya Tha.

    Ek Ghanta Ho Gaya Lekin Car Nahi Aayi, Do Ghante Ho Gaye The Lekin Car Ka Abhi Bhi Koi Ata Pata Nahi Tha.

    Aakhir Mein Aadmi Car Ko Dhundne Ke Liye Ghar Se Bahar Nikla Hi Tha Ki Car Bacchon Se Full Load Hokar Aa Rahi Thi.

    Car Mein Colony Ke 4 Bacche, Boss Ke 2 Bacche Aur Kaamwali Ka Bhi 1 Baccha Tha.

    Uski Wife Gusse Se Boli: Sach Sach Batao Kya Ye Tumhare Baccha Hain?

    Aadmi Bhi Gusse Se Bola: Wo Sab To Thek Hai Lekin Pehle Tu Ye Bata Ki Car Mein Hamare Bacche Kyun Nahi Aaye?
  • Banta Quickies

    Banta Apne Guruji Ka Pravachan Sunne Gaya.
    Guruji Bole: Jo Jo Swarg Jaana Chahta Hai Vo Apna Haath Khada Kare.
    Banta Ki Gharwali Aur Saas Ne Apne Haath Upar Utha Diye.
    Guruji Ne Banta Se Pucha: Kya Tum Swarg Nahin Jaana Chahte?
    Banta: Guruji, Yeh Dono Chali Jayengi Toh Yahin Par Swarg Ho Jayega.

    Aaj Banta Ko Ek Ladki Ka Message Aya.
    Girl: Hi......
    Banta: Hello
    Girl: How Are You?
    Banta: Fine
    Girl: Where Are You From?
    Banta: Hoshiarpur
    Girl: Aap Kitna Pade-Likhe Ho?
    Banta: Tumhare Jitna.
    Girl: Mere Jite!!! Matlab?
    Banta: Main Bhi Bas Itni Angreji Bol Kar Seedha Hindi Mein Shuru Ho Jata Hun...
    Girl: Mar Ja Kaminee... Tera Kcuh Nahin Hoga!!!

    Ghar Ka Kaam Time Se Aur Achche Tarike Se Nahi Ho Paa Raha Tha Toh Banta Apni Biwi Ko Bola: Kaam Ke Liye Koi Bai Hi Rakh Lete Hai?
    Preeto Gusse Se Boli: Nahi Chahiye.
    Banta: Kyun?
    Preeto: Achchi Tarah Jaanti Hun Mein Tumhe Aur Tumhari Tharki Aadaton Ko, Main Bhi Toh Bai Bankar Hi Aayi Thi Kamine.

    Ek Diwaar Par Likha Tha: Yahaan Kutte Susu Karte Hain.
    Banta Ko Badi Zor Se Susu Aaya Thha, Usne Idhar Udhar Dekha Ki Koi Bhi Nahi Dekh Raha Toh Waha Susu Kar Diya.
    Phir Muskura Kar Bola: Ise Kehte Hai Dimaag, Susu Maine Kiya Naam Kutte Ka Aaya.
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