|Donald Trump went to London and met with the Queen.|
"Your Queenship," he asked her. "I am finding things way more difficult than I could have imagined. May I ask you - how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?`
"Well," replied Her Majesty, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
"But how do you know the people around you are really intelligent?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy` the Queen replied. "You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle`.
She pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Theresa May in here."
The Prime Minister walked into the room.
"You called for me, Your Majesty?"
"Answer me this, if you would, Theresa. " the Queen said. "Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?`
Without pausing for even a second, Theresa May answered, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good,` said the Queen. Trump went back home, returned to the White House and the very next day called for Mike Pence to come and see him.
Pence duly trotted in to the Oval Office.
"Mike, answer this for me," said the Don. "Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?`
"I'm not sure," said Pence. "Let me get back to you on that one.
Pence went panicking off to his advisers and asked everyone, but none of them could give him an answer.
The next night, as it happened, Pence ran in to Hillary Clinton in a restaurant. By now, desperate for an answer to give to his tyrannical boss, he approached her - much to her surprise.
"Hillary, I know we haven't always seen eye to eye but I would really appreciate it if you could answer this riddle for me.
"Sure, Mike "Hillary said. "I'm not one to hold a grudge. What is it?`
"Thanks, said Pence,` It's this. Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?`
Hillary answered right back, "That's easy, it's me!"
Pence smiled, "Thanks!"
Pence then went back to speak with Trump. "Say, boss, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Hillary Clinton.`
Trump got up, stomped over to Pence, and angrily yelled at him. "No, you idiot! It's Theresa May!"
... AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS PRECISELY WHAT'S GOING ON AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
|Fred was well known for his cheapness and his "eye for a bargain." One day he was looking for a cheap wedding present for his niece, so he went into a thrift shop.|
As he was walking around, he noticed what was previously an expensive glass crystal vase lying in the corner. It was in three pieces. After some haggling with the owner, Fred bought the broken vase for $5.
He then filled in the congratulations card, wrote out his niece's name and address and gave the owner another $5 so that the broken vase could be gift wrapped and mailed. Fred then left the shop feeling quite pleased with himself. He expected his niece to think the vase had been broken in the mail.
A few days later, he called his niece to see if the present had arrived. "Yes, Uncle Fred, but unfortunately it was in 3 pieces when it was delivered."
"What terrible luck!" said Fred. "The Post Office is getting worse all the time!"
"It is a shame," she replied, "and it was so beautifully wrapped too ... each piece separately."
|An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the course language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them.|
She put her sandwiches in a brown paper bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. She walked up to the spot where the group were eating.
She walked up to the group and said with a big smile, "Do you know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other. One of the workers looked up in the steelwork and yelled, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Yeah. Why?"
The worker yelled back, "His wife is here with his lunch."
|A job seeker was interviewing, and the interviewer asked him, "Tell me what is your greatest strength?"|
The prospective employee said, "Sir, I am a little bit shy, but should I give you my honest answer?"
The interviewer says, "Of course, yes. I expect nothing but honesty from my staff."
The job seeker says, "Sir, my greatest strength is my wife."
The interviewer was quite impressed with the spousal respect of this man, thought he could be a great member of his team, corporate community and he deserved the job.
So with an intention of offering him the job soon the interviewer tried to wrap up with the last question, "Tell me now, what is your greatest weakness?"
The guy felt encouraged, and went on, "Sir, my greatest weakness is someone else's wife."