• Why Me...?

    A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

    The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"

    "Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.

    "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.

    The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch all the fish?"
  • A Special Prayer

    "Anyone with 'needs' to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar," the Preacher said.

    Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

    Leroy replies, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

    The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy; the whole congregation joined in with enthusiasm.

    After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

    Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't 'til next Wednesday."
  • Pain and Ageing

    An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a pain in his leg that doesn't heal and wants a diagnosis and explanation. The doctor checks out his leg, but can't find anything wrong. So he gives the old guy a full physical exam, and still can't come up with any possible explanation for the pain.

    The doctor hands the patient his bill and says, "I'm sorry but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age, there's nothing I can do about it."

    The old man replies with a look of disbelief, "That's impossible! That can't be!"

    The Doctor says, `What do you mean? I'm the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it's NOT old age?"

    The patient answers, "I'm no doctor but it doesn't take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly you're mistaken. After all my other leg feels just fine."

    "So what?" says the doctor "What difference does that make?"

    "Well it doesn't hurt a bit, and it's the SAME AGE!"
  • Cost of Anesthesia

    Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation.

    "Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone.

    "No, not at all," the doctor said calmly.

    "Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out."

    "Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free... The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around."