• Avoid Ice...

    Beer and ice will give you hangovers.

    Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys.

    Rum and& ice will ruin your liver.

    Whiskey and ice will ruin your heart.

    Gin and& ice will ruin your brain.

    Pepsi and ice will ruin your teeth

    Apparently ICE is lethal!!! Warn all your friends: LAY OFF THE ICE! Just drink it straight!!!

    Copy and paste this immediately. You could save a life!!! AND, don't forget ice also sank the Titanic!
  • Company Policy

    Start with a cage containing five apes.

    In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water. This continues through several more attempts.

    Pretty soon, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes all try to prevent it. Now, turn off the cold water. Remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

    Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.

    After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes, which have been sprayed with cold water, have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not? Because that's the way they've always done it and that's the way it's always been around here.

    And that's how company policy begins....
  • Pappu at His Best

    Principal: School Ka time 8 baje Ka Hai Aur Tum 9 Baje Aa Rahe Ho?
    Pappu: Sir Aap Na Mera Intezar Na Kiya Karo, Apne Time Se School Shuru Kar diya Karo.

    Santa: Oyee ! Tumne Apni Sagai Kyun Tod Di ??
    Pappu: Papa, Uska Koi Boyfriend Nahin Tha.
    Santa: To Phir Problem Kya Hai ?
    Pappu: Jo Aaj Tak Kisi Ki Nahin Ho Saki Wo Meri kya Hogi.

    Pappu Apni Gali Ke Ek Dukandar Se: Uncle Rang Gora Karne Waali Cream Hai???
    Dukandar: Haan Hai.
    Pappu: Toh Lagate Kyun Nahi, Main Roz Aapki Shakal Dekhkar Darr Jata Hun?

    Pappu: Daadi Neend nahi Aa Rahi. Hum Kuc Baate Karein?
    Daadi: Theek Hai.
    Pappu: Daadi Kya Hum Hamesha 5 Hi Rahenge? Aap, Mom, Dad,Main aur Behen.
    Daadi: Nahi Beta aapki shaadi Ho Jayegi Toh 6 Ho Jayenge.
    Pappu: Fir Behen Chali Jayegi Shaadi Karke Toh Phir 5 Ho Jayenge.
    Daadi: Beta Phir Aapka Beta Ho Jayega Toh 6 Ho Jayenge.
    Pappu: Phir Aap Mar Jaaogi Toh Hum Wapas 5 Ho Jayenge.
    Daadi: Kaminne, Kutte, Haramkhor... Soja Chup Chaap.
  • Best Sermon

    After years of his wife's pleading, this rich good ole' boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand.
    He said, "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!"

    The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house."

    The man said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself, it was such a damn good sermon!

    The Reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!"

    The man said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that i thought it was so damn good, I put $5000 in that there collection plate."

    And the Reverend said, "That was damn nice of you, Sir!"