• What's Scratch?

    A young bride was scouring the aisles of the supermarket. Up and down each aisle she went, then started over again. The store manager noticed this and went over to her.

    "Can I help you find something, miss?" he asked.

    "It's Mrs.," she said proudly, "I just got married."

    "Congratulations," said the manager. "What can I help you find?"

    "Scratch," she replied.

    "Scratch?" he asked, "Is that a new cleanser or something?"

    "No silly," she replied brightly. "My husband told me that his mother made everything from scratch, so I need to find some!"
  • How To Call For Help

    My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon he noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen.

    After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.

    Finally, he approached her and asked if she needed help.

    She replied, "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!"
  • IMA on Demonetisation

    The Indian Medical Association has weighed the demonetization high value notes and this is what they have to say:

    The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

    The Gastroenterology had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought the Government had a lot of nerve.

    The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.

    Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

    Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

    The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

    The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

    The ENT specialists didn't swallow it, and just wouldn't hear of it.

    The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."

    The Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, but the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

    The Pediatricians thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

    In the end, the Proctologists won, leaving the entire decision up to the a***holes in Government.
  • Working with God

    A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around.

    During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!"

    A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's like a completely different place - the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows.

    "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!"

    "Yes, reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"
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