• Safe Ride???

    There is a story about monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several 100 feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket, which was pulled to the top by several monks, who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously, the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying.

    One tourist got exceedingly nervous when he was half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed.

    With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they change the rope.

    The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."
  • Post Turtles

    While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old veteran, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate of the military hospital, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to generals and their role as our leaders.

    The old veteran said, "Well, as I see it, most generals are 'Post Turtles'.''

    Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'Post Turtle' was.

    The old veteran said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

    The old veteran saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.

    "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb arse put him up there to begin with."
  • How to Cross the Road in Pakistan...

    Road Crossing Instructions in Pakistan

    Look both right and left for cars, motorcycles, animals and pedestrians;
    Look "up" for American drones;
    Look "down" for bombs and land mines;
    Look sideways and backwards for kidnappers and suicide bombers;
    Hold your bags tight and watch for every person near you;
    Then walk zigzag to avoid bullets.
  • Perfect Answer

    The skydiving instructor was going through the question-and-answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question:

    If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?

    The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered:
    The rest of your life.