Jokes Page 4

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Cheers Everybody!

In our life, problems may go from "Haywards 2000" to "Haywards 5000", but we must take them as a "Royal Challenge" otherwise people will call us "Old Monk" and put a "Black Label" on our name.

So, we must learn from "Teachers" to fight like "Jack Daniel", live like a "Bagpiper", walk like "Johny Walker", work till "8 PM" & think like "Director Special".

Then life will be "Imperial" and we will become "Aristocrat" and there will be value for our "Signature".


The Yummy Dish!

A man who is a manager in 5 star hotel calls his wife.

Husband: Aaj khaane mein kya pakaya hai?

Wife: Steamed fine long grain white rice, hand-picked in the emerald green lap of the Vindhyas, accompanied by a golden lentil soup that was gently simmered over the smouldering kisses of angels and served with dollops of fragrant clarified butter.

Husband: WOW... SOUNDS YUMMY!!1! Naam kya hai dish ka???

Wife: Daal-Chawal.

Husband: Daal-Chawal?? Toh itna ghumaya kyun?

Wife: Maine bhi vaise hi kaha jaise tum 5 star wale public ko kehte ho.

Lalu and Ebola Problem

Lalu's PA: Sir! There is a new problem.

Lalu: Ka problem?

PA: Ebola.

Lalu: Kaun bola?

PA: Koi bola nahin Sir, Ebola.

Lalu: Arrey Kaun bola bhai? Nitish bola? Modi bola? Kaun bola?

PA: Sir, aap samajh hi Nahin rahey hain. Ebola.

Lalu: Abey ham samajh Nahin rahey hain Ki tum pagla Gaye ho ka? Bola kaun, Manmohnwa Bol Diya ka re?

Crossed Eyed Bull

Farmer Brown, from Minnesota, had a bull that he was quite proud of. One day he looked at the bull and noticed his eyes were crossed. That was disconcerting, because he knew he couldn't get huge stud fees for a defective bull. He called the local vet who came right over. The vet assured him he could solve the problem.

"Farmer Brown, you stand in front of the bull and watch his eyes. I will insert this straw into the bull's rectum and blow. When the eyes uncross, yell stop."

The vet did just that, and sure enough after a few minutes of blowing, the eyes uncrossed. Farmer Brown was thrilled. Several months pass and again he sees the eyes cross.

He says to himself, "I better call the vet. No, wait a minute. Last time I called the vet, he charged me $250.00 for something that only took a few moments. I will do it myself."

He went to the barn and called his trusty farm hand, Luke.

"Luke, we have a problem here and this is what I want you to do. I will put this straw in the rear of my bull and blow. You watch his eyes, and when they uncross, tell me and I will stop blowing."

Farmer Brown started blowing and blowing and nothing happened.

Finally, he said, "You know, maybe I am not strong enough, Luke. Lets trade positions and you blow and I will watch."

Luke went over to the bull, pulled out the straw, turned it around and reinserted it.

"What the hell are you doing, Luke?" says Farmer Brown.

"What do you think? I ain't blowing on the same end that you did!"


The only shame is to have none.


To remove Ink from Clothes:
Put Toothpaste on the Ink Spots generously and let it dry completely, then wash.


When she saw her 1st strand of grey hair... she thought she would 'Dye'!