• Milk Bath

    A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

    When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.

    So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

    The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

    The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

    The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

    The blonde said, "No, just up to my breasts... I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"
  • Getting a Haircut

    Woman1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

    Woman2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

    Woman1: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

    Woman2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable, and you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

    Woman1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

    Woman2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.......


    Men's version:

    Man1: Haircut?
    Man2: Yeah.
  • Irish Eye Test

    Seamus is having a bit of trouble seeing things at a distance so he goes into an opticians for an eye test.

    The optician asks him to cover his right eye with his left hand and read the letters on the card.

    Now Seamus has always had difficulty telling right from left so the optician says not to worry and to cover his left eye with his left hand and then read the letters on the card but still Seamus has problems.

    The optician, being a helpful chap, has a brilliant idea and taking a cardboard box, cuts out two small square holes and puts it over Seamus' head with the words, "There, now cover up one of the holes and read the letters on the card through the other hole."

    Seamus however bursts into tears and the optician becomes very concerned, takes the box off his head and askes why he's crying.

    Seamus replies, "I wanted a metal frame like me brother's got."
  • A Free Haircut

    A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. he placed the boy in the chair.

    "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

    When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."

    "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
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