• Break Up Letter

    A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

    Dear Ricky,
    I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
    Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

    The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:

    Dear Becky,
    I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
    Take Care,
  • Wife on Vacations!

    Departure Instructions Note from Wife to Husband...

    I am going to My Mom's Place for 6-7 days with kids & These are the instructions and warning for you...
    1 - No need to call your friends and cousins.
    Last time I got 4 large pizza bills beneath the sofa...

    2 - Don't forget mobile on the soap holder in the bathroom like last time...
    Why would anyone need a mobile in the bathroom.??

    3 - Keep your specs in the box...
    Last time around it was found in the refrigerator.

    4 - Salary already paid to maid.
    No need to be extra generous.

    5 - Don't disturb neighbors early in the morning asking if they have got newspaper or not?? Our newspaper vendor is different from theirs. And our laundry person and milkman are also different.

    6 - Your Underwear are on left side of wardrobe and on right side are kid's...
    Like last time, don't say I was uncomfortable at work....

    7 - All reports have been checked and you are alright.
    No need to go to that lady doctor again and again.

    8 - My sister and Bhabhi's birthdays have gone last month which you already attended.
    No need to go to them at midnight and wish belated happy birthday.

    9 - Have cut off WiFi for 10 days.
    So sleep early....

    10 - Stop smiling and being happy...
    as Mrs. Khanna, Mrs. Avasthi, Mrs. Kulkarni, Mrs. Trivedi, Mrs. Ansari, Mrs. Rastogi, Mrs. Chatteerjee... They all will be out of station in this period.

    And last but not the least.
    11 - Don't try to be oversmart.. I will be back anytime without informing you.

    Happy Vacations!!!
  • Subedar Santa

    A Corps Commander was once visiting an Artillery Regiment of the Corps Arty Bde. A week before D-day, the CO held a special Sainik Sammelan and told everyone that the General was fond of asking questions, but he would ask only such questions to which he already knew the answers. So nobody should bluff. If they didn't have irrefutable and authentic proof of the correctness of the answer, they were not to give such an answer. They should just say: 'I don't know', and that's it; but they were not to attempt a Tukka.

    The Corps Cdr came, he was introduced to the unit officers & JCOs, he was briefed in the Ops Room, and then he was taken to see the gun positions.

    The Gun Det-cdr ordered the det to attention and gave a report to the Corps Cdr, "Numbe 3 Gun Det Aap Ke Inspection Ke Liye Ready Hai Sir." The General ordered everyone at ease, and seeing that the Det-cdr was Santa, switched to Punjabi mode, "Janaab, Ki Naam Hai Tuhadda."

    The JCO silently thanked God for this question, for which he did have an authentic and irrefutable answer. It was written on his I-card! He said, "Sir Ji, Mera Naam Subedar Santa Hai."

    General: "Aa Kedi gun Haigi?"

    The JCO again thanked his God as the name of the gun was engraved on the gun!! He promptly replied, :Sir Ji, Ye 130 mm Medium Gun Haigi... " or whatever the gun was.

    General, "Ek Gal Dasso Mainu Santa Ji... Main Suneya Hai Ki Is Gun Da Gola 20 Km Dur Jaanda Hai... Ki Eh Gall Sahi Hai?

    Santa silently cursed his stars. He knew the answer, but where the Hell was he to get authentic and irrefutable proof from? And at the same time, it was below his dignity to say that he didn't know. So he just kept quiet.

    The General repeated his question.

    So Santa hesitantly and tentatively said, "Haan Ji Sir Ji... Gall Toh Tuhaddi Theek Hai. Suneya Taan Asi Vi Hai Ke Gola 20 Km Jaanda Hai.... Per Asi Kadi Naal Ni Gaye...."
  • The Whistler

    One day in a well known university, a senior professor started his class on a very serious topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the whistler's name..... As usual and as expected no one answered.

    The professor peacefully kept the pen in his pocket and picked up his bag. Saying that, the lecture ends here and that was enough for the day, he started moving towards the gate of the class. Students were overjoyed to be free.

    Then, he suddenly stopped and turned towards the class, kept his bag on the table and said, "I'll tell you a story to utilise the remaining time."

    Everyone became interested.

    Yesterday night I tried hard to sleep, but it was miles away from my eyes, so I thought I'd better get petrol in my car, which will save my time next morning and might induce sleep. After having my tank full, I started roaming in that area, enjoying the peace of a traffic free ride.

    Suddenly, on the corner I saw a girl who was as young and beautiful as the clothes she was wearing. Must have been returning from a party. Out of courtesy, I turned my car towards her and asked if I may be of any help. She asked me if I could drop her to her home, she'll be very obliged, to which I agreed.

    (Who would deny a beautiful young company instead of a dry non sleepy need :) :) )

    She sat in the front seat with me. We started talking, and to my amazement she was very intelligent, had control on many topics which many youngsters don't. When we reached her address, she admitted my courteous nature and behavior and accepted that she had fallen in love with me.

    I also admitted her intelligence and beauty and that I've also started liking her. I told her about my job as a professor in the university.

    The girl asked my number, which I gave her willingly. Then she asked me a favor, to which i couldn't have denied naturally.

    She said that her brother is a student in the same university, and asked me to take care of him, since we'll be in a long relationship now.

    I asked the name of the student.She said that I'll recognise him with one of his very prominent quality.

    He whistles a lot.

    The moment the professor said this, all eyes in the classroom turned towards the boy who had whistled.

    The professor turned to that boy and said, "Young man I didn't get my Ph. D by sitting on my ass. "