|While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.|
After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turnaround, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grumpy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.
As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card."
|HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?|
1. You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.... -- Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure?)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7(Love her)
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. -- Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8
And the#1Favorite is.......
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. -- Ricky, age 9
|Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."|
She said I wasn't funny; but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favourite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too... Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what live animal was my favourite.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why; so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office.
He laughed and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous military person I admired most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now...
|Three guys are golfing with the club pro.|
First guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and says, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says, "Loft."
The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says, "Loft."
The third guy tees off and hits a slice into a pond. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says, "Loft."
As they're walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up. He says to the pro, "The three of us hit completely different tee shots and when we asked you what we did wrong you gave the same exact answer each time, What Is 'Loft?'
The pro says, "Lack Of F***ing Talent."