Dating Ads for Seniors found in a Florida Newspaper. You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north. These are actual ads seen in "The Villages", a Florida newspaper.
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty. 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flossier to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
(If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time).
Mom: Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean..?
Son: I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later..!
Mom: It's ok, don't worry about it...I'll ask your Sister, Love you too..!
Dad: Son, I have a Facebook account now... accept my friend request..!
Son: You're on Facebook now..? WTF..!!!
Dad: What does WTF mean..?
Son: Ohhh...It means, Welcome To Facebook, Dad.
Mom: Son, your grandmother passed away an hour ago. LOL!
Son: How is that funny, mom..?
Mom: What do you mean, Peter... surely it is not funny..!
Son: Mom, LOL means: Laugh Out Loud..!
Mom: Oh, No! I thought it meant: Lots Of Love... I'll have to call everyone back and explain xU xQ ..!!!
Sister to her brother: What are you giving to Grandmaa on her birthday?
Brother: A Football.
Sister: Is age mein? Aur vaise bhi Grandmaa kahan khelti hai?
Brother: Mere birthday per jo unhone Bhagavad Gita diya tha uska kya ?
Little did she realise that the wire she was cutting was a wire that delivered internet to 90% of Armenia.
The population of 3.2 million people, including journalists at all major news stations, sat twiddling their thumbs as they were left without internet services for 5 hours!