• Best Retirement Plan

    Outside England's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant... The fees for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7).

    Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the zoo management called the city council and asked it to send them another parking agent.

    The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the zoo's own responsibility.

    The zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee.

    The city council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the city payroll.

    Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, or France, or Italy, is a man who'd apparently had a ticket booth installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars... and no one even knows his name.

    A FICTITIOUS But Funny STORY
  • Swanky Dining

    The couple entered the resort's swanky dining room. "I'm sorry," apologized the Maitre d, "but there are no tables available."
    "One moment, my friend," said the man, drawing himself up. "I happen to be Gregory R. Carutheres, the sportsman."
    "I'd like to accommodate you, Mr. Caruthers, but there just isn't a table available this evening."
    "I bet if President Trump came in and asked for a table, there'd be one available."
    "Yes-s-s,` the other admitted, "I suppose there would be a table available for President Trump."
    "Good! I'll take it. The President isn't coming!"
  • Don't Mess With Engineers

    An Engineer and his wife were always fighting with each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

    The woman would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up, out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life..."

    Neighbours feared her and the woman liked the fact that she was feared.

    To everyone's relief, she died of a heart attack when she was 58. Her husband had a closed casket at the wake.

    After the burial, Engineer went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow.

    His neighbours, concerned for his safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that she may indeed be able to dig her way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life??"

    The Engineer put down his drink and said, "Let her dig. I had her buried upside down." These Engineers... I tell you... They think of everything.
  • Pakistani Hell

    A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one.

    At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

    He does not like the sound of that, so he checks out American Hell, Russian Hell and many more. They are all similarly gruesome. However, at Pakistani Hell a long line of people is waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"

    He is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Pakistani devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

    "But that's the same as the others," says the man. "Why are so many people waiting to get in?"

    "Because of the power cuts, the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable. And the Pakistani devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business."