• When Einstein Lost his Ticket

    Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it.

    The conductor said, "Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it."

    Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.

    The conductor rushed back and said, "Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one."

    Einstein looked at him and said, "Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going."
  • Classic Comeback

    If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility.

    Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

    A: No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.

    Q: Officer, who provided this description?

    A: The officer who responded to the scene.

    Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

    A: Yes, sir. With my life.

    Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?

    A: Yes sir, we do!

    Q: And do you have a locker in the room?

    A: Yes, sir, I do.

    Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?

    A: Yes, sir.

    Q: Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?

    A: You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

    The courtroom exploded with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
  • Patni aur Ghadi Ke Beech Sambandh

    Dono Ki Samaantayein:

    1. Ghadi Chaubees Ghante Tic-Tic Karti Rehti Hai, Aur Patni Chaubees Ghante Kit-Kit Karti Rehti Hai!

    2. Ghadi Ki Suiyaan Ghoom Phir Ke Wahi Aa Jaati Hain, Usi Prakaar Patni Ko Aap Kitna Bhi Samjha Lo, Wo Ghoom-Phir Kar Wahin Aa Jayegi Aur Apni Baat Manwayegi.

    3. Ghadi Bigad Jaaye Toh Mechanic Ke Yaha Jaati Hai, Aur Agar Patni Bigad Jaaye Toh Maayke Jaati Hai.

    4.Ghadi Ko Charge Karne Ke Liye Cell (Battery) Ka Prayog Hota Hai, Aur Patni Ko Charge Karne Ke Liye Salary Ka Prayog Hota Hai!

    Vishamtaaiyein! - Differences
    1. Ghadi Mein Jab 12 Bajte Hain Toh Teeno Suiyaa Ek Dikhaayi Deti Hain, Lekin Patni Ke Jab 12 Bajte Hain Toh Ek Patni Bhi 3-3 Dikhaayi Deti Hain!

    2. Ghadi Ke Alarm Bajne Ka Fix Time Hai, Lekin Patni Ke Alarm Bajne Ka Koi Fix Time Nahin Hai!

    3. Ghadi Bigad Jaaye Toh Ruk Jaati Hai, Lekin Jab Patni Bigad Jaaye Toh Shuru Ho Jaati Hai!

    4. Sabse Bada Antar Yeh Hai Ki Ghadi Ko Aap Jab Chahe Badal Sakte Hain, Magar Patni Ko chah Kar Bhi Badal Nahin Sakte!
  • Diet Meal Plan

    Jeeto was very fat. She weighed 100 kilos, and she was getting heavier every month, so she went to see her doctor.

    He said, "You need a diet, Jeeto, and I've got a good one here."

    He gave her a small book and said, "Read this carefully and eat the things on page 21 every day. Then come back and see me in two weeks time."

    Jeeto came again two weeks later, but she wasn't thinner, she was fatter. The doctor was surprised and said, "Are you eating the things on page 21 of the small book?"

    "Yes, doctor," she answered.

    The next day the doctor visited Jeeto during her dinner. She was very surprised to see him.

    "Jeeto ," he said, "Why are you eating potatoes and bread? They aren't in your diet."

    "But, doctor," Jeeto answered, "I ate my diet at lunch time, This is my dinner."