• Hard To Hear

    At church, Joe was in charge of taking up the offerings. One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated. So he questioned Joe. He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation. Joe said that he did not take any of the offering. The priest again questioned him and again he said that he did not take any of the offering.

    So the priest said "get in the confessional" which Joe did.

    Then the priest asked Joe, "Did you take any of the offering?" and this time Joe said, "I can't hear you."

    Again the priest asked, "Joe did you take any of the offering?" Again Joe answered, "I can't hear you."

    This time the priest yelled, "JOE DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING?!?"

    Again Joe answered, "I can't hear you."

    By this time the priest was getting a little angry so he came out of the confessional and said, "Joe trade places with me and you can ask me a question."

    So they traded places and Joe asked.,"I hear that you and my wife are messing around. Is that true?"

    To which the priest answered, "By golly, you can't hear in here!"
  • Deer Hunting

    It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season.

    He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

    Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"

    Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!"

    Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.

    They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

    Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer.

    But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!"

    Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire.

    Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"
  • I Dare You!

    At a church meeting, a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith.

    "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and I had to either give it all to God's work or give nothing at all. So at that moment, I decided to give my whole dollar to God.
    I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."

    When he finished and moved toward his seat, there was an awed silence As he sat down, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him, "I dare you to do it again."
  • Unpaid Bills

    Rick, a retail merchant sent an order to a manufacturer for 10,000 t-shirts amounting to $ 70000.

    The manufacturer, noting that the previous bill hadn't been paid, told the accounts manager to check it. The accounts manager sent an e-mail to Rick saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the previous one."

    The next day the accounts manager received a reply from Rick. It said, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."
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