|An Indian warrior walks into Starbucks with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.|
He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure chief coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.
|A young man and woman were eager to enjoy a picnic in the park one Saturday noon, and they opted to go through a fast-food drive-in for a quick snack.|
They ordered, paid, got their bag of goodies, and headed for the park. When they opened the bag, it was full on money instead of the hamburgers they expected.
They rushed back to the fast-food place and returned the money.
"This is WONDERFUL," exclaimed the manager. "We've been looking for this money all morning and couldn't figure out where it could have been misplaced. You two are an honest couple. A lot of people would not have the morals and honesty to return the money. I'm going to call the TV and the newspapers and let everybody know what an honest deed you've done."
"Uh, please don't do that," says the man, "my wife might see it on TV."
|A bartender is sitting behind his bar when a well dressed but obviously intoxicated man stumbles in.|
"Bartender! A drink for everyone, a drink for me, and a drink for yourself!" The man yells as he approaches.
Bartender pours all the drinks, the the whole bar cheers, they all drink.
Bartender hands the bill to the man, and he just shrugs and says, "Oh I didn't bring my wallet with me tonight, sorry."
The bartender proceeds to beat the living daylights out of the man and throws him out.
Next night, bartender is again behind his bar when the same well dressed but intoxicated man stumbles in.
"Bartender! A drink for everyone, a drink for me, and a drink for yourself!" The man happily announces as he approaches.
Bartender thinks, "This guy cant be that stupid, he probably came to pay. Now I feel bad for beating him so hard previous night."
He pours all the drinks, the the whole bar cheers, they all drink. Bartender hands the bill to the man, and he again shrugs and says, "Oh I didn't bring my wallet with me again, sorry."
The bartender proceeds to beat the man even harder and kicks him out.
Third night in the row, bartender just cant believe his eyes when he sees the man return.
"Bartender! A drink for everyone, and a drink for me!" The man calls out as he approaches.
Bartender is fuming and grins sardonically, "What, no drink for ME tonight?"
The drunk looks at him and says, "Nah man, you get way too violent when you drink."
|A little girl was sitting next to her grandfather as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up and touch his wrinkled cheek. She touched her own cheek after she touched his.|
After a little while of thinking she asked, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
He looked at her and said, "Yes, sweetheart God made me a long time ago."
She paused for a few seconds and then asked, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
He replied, "Yes, indeed pumpkin, God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she whispered to him, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"