• Bengaluru Special

    If you throw a stone randomly in Bangalore, chances are, it will hit a dog or a software engineer. While the dog may or may not have a strap around his neck, the software engineer will definitely have one.

    In India we drive on the left of the road. In Bangalore, we drive on what is left of the road.

    Q: What is the easiest way of causing traffic accidents in Bangalore?
    A: Follow the traffic rules.

    A guy who was hunting house in Bangalore meets old lady who is potential landlord.
    Old lady: Where do you work, son?
    Guy : I work in Infosys.
    Old lady: Oh, that bus company! Sorry, we rent only to good IT people. It would appear that Infosys operates more buses than BMTC in Bangalore.

    Bangalore, where PG (Paying Guest) is the first business and IT, the second.

    When someone says, 'It's raining in Bangalore,' be sure to ask them which area, which lane and which road.

    If a Bangalorean stops at a traffic light, others behind him stop too because The others conclude that he has spotted a policeman that they themselves have not.

    Bangalore is the only city where distance is measured in units of time.
    Rickhsaw driver, grocery seller and common shop keeper thinks that you earn atleast 1 lakh p/month if you are in IT sector.

    Out of every 100 software engineers in Bangalore, 90 are utterly frustrated and rest have a gf/bf.

    Bus drivers use horns instead of brakes.

    Bangalore: The City where more people know Language C than kannada.

    Universal answer in Bangalore is: Adjust Maadi.
  • Appraisal Comments

    What if Shikhar Dhawan was to be rated in corporate style after he hit a century against South Africa????

    Dear Shikhar Dhawan,
    Firstly, congratulations on team India's 130 run victory against South Africa. That is very much appreciated.

    We are pleased to announce that you have been awarded a rating of 'C' (Average Performer) for this match. We realised that your score of 137 was not required when India could win by 130 runs anyway. Only 7 runs from you were needed for the win.

    We thank you for your efforts and we wish you all the best for rest of the series. Should you have any questions on the appraisal system, please feel free to contact us during your net practice.

    - HR Manager
  • Bullshit!!!

    A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

    "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

    The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

    The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

    Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

    Moral of the Story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
  • Stuttering Myths

    A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

    "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.

    A little girl raises her hand, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

    The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

    "Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

    "That must've been scary," said the teacher.

    'It sure was,' said the little girl. "My kitty raised her back, went 'Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF' but before she could say... 'F * ck-off !,' the Rottweiler ate her!"

    The teacher had to leave the room.