• Run Mumbai Marathon

    Why people from different communities run Mumbai Marathon:
    Punjus run simply because of peer pressure from other communities and that they can upload their pics posing on the Sealink. Otherwise they rather be sleeping.

    Maharashtrians run because that day most roads are closed and BEST buses are not plying - so how else will they commute ?

    Biharis & Bhaiyas run because they feel the Maharashtrians are running behind them and they run for their lives.
    Catholics run because that's what they have been trained for since childhood - athletics or hockey or football.

    Parsis run so hopefully they can find someone on the race track and get married that same evening.

    South Indians run because of the completion certificate which they will get so that they can add this to their collection of certificates which they are collecting since childhood.

    Sindhis run because the cost includes Sealink toll charges.

    Gujjus run because the cost includes Sealink toll charges plus Goody bag plus Free Water plus Free Enerzal plus Free Oranges plus Free Salt plus Free Ice Pack plus Free whiffs of Volini Spray on the route.

    Marwaris run for all of the above reasons plus they think they can take an interest free loan from Standard Chartered Bank for their business just because they ran !
  • Punjabi family

    Getting married to a Punjabi? If you are not a Punjabi yourself, then get ready for a boatload of surprises. You will spend the rest of your life with, arguably, the happiest people on earth but with a few side effects. Just don't bother to change them, because nothing done in the past has worked.

    Enjoy the ride and get used to these 16 things:
    1. Everyone, almost everyone around you will talk loudly; get used to it.
    Even if you are standing just inches away from people at home, they will still shout out to you, as if you were standing a few blocks away from them.

    2. Almost every day, there is going to be some sort of drama.
    The smallest things will trigger emotional outbursts. It may involve - you have been warned - crying and cursing, too. Just hold your ground, count till 100 if you are scared or bored and let it pass. Punjabis get back to their good-natured selves very soon.

    3. Don't forget to use the standard prefix 'Ji' else you will be insulting everyone if you don't do that.
    No matter what you call your mom and dad, when married into a Punjabi family, mummy becomes 'mummy ji', Daddy become 'daddy Ji', your sister-in-law becomes 'parjhai ji' , and so on.

    4. A Punjabi family is not big, it's huge, and you've got to keep it like that.
    Relatives are going to be there in every part of the country, and the world. You will have to please them, whether they come from Bhatinda, Ludhiana, Chandigarh or Canada.

    5. Kanneda and Amreeka are scared places. Anyone who stays there is an important NRI relative.
    They are addressed as Kanneda wali bua ji, Kanneda wale Chacha Ji, Kanneda wale Phoofa ji, and you must give them special attention, care and time.

    6. Breakfast means Paranthas. And if the temperature outside is soaring, there's Lassi too.
    Once married into a Punjabi family, forget about dieting. Firstly, they don't like thin and lean people, and, secondly, they won't let you go on a diet come what may. Don't worry about variety. There's aloo, gobhi, muli, daal, even egg ka parantha, which will always be served with a large dollop of butter and a glass of Lassi.
    7. Don't even think about saying 'I don't know how to dance!!!'
    It's the biggest offence to not be able to dance if you're in a Punjabi family. They don't expect you to be professional or poised, as far as you can shake your legs a bit (wildly).....

    8. Forget about saving, only think about giving.
    Punjabis are the most generous people. Being generous runs in the blood of Punjabis.

    9. Sometimes they show off a bit, but it's all in good faith.
    Latest jewellery, big cars, big house, lavish weddings, huge meals; they are going to show off in every aspect of life, wherever it is possible to do so.

    10. Don't mind, but most Punjabis can't converse without abusing.

    11. Be ready for the family hug at every occasion.
    No matter if it's a birthday party, anniversary or wedding, it remains incomplete without a BIG family hug.

    12. Nothing will ever compare to the warmth and love of Beeji.
    Anything small or big, beeji (grandma) will always take your side and lend you unconditional support through thick and thin.

    13. B is always for butter chicken.

    14. All the despairs will be drowned in alcohol.
    Ask for as much as you want.

    15. You cannot wear plain clothes; it is below the prestige of the family. And if you do, this is what you should expect from your mother-in-law.

    16. And lastly, to qualify as a Punjabi bahu, you must know how to make perfectly round chapattis. If not, nothing else can compensate it!
  • Dealing with Wives

    Wife to hubby: Darling in pictures of Shiva-Parvati, Shiva has a Trishool. In pictures of Vishnu-Lakshmi, Vishnu has Chakra in hand and pictures of Rama-Sita, Rama has bow in hand. But in case of Krishna-Radha, he has flute in hand. Why is this?

    Hubby: You see dear the three God's whom you mentioned first are with the wives. That is why they have weapons. Krishna is with his girlfriend. Hence no weapons required. This shows when it comes to dealing with wives, even Gods need protection.
  • Husband-Wife Humour

    Husband: Tumse Shaadi Karke Mujhe Ek Bahut Phayada Hua Hai.
    Wife: Kaun Sa Phayada?
    Husband: Mujhe Mere Gunaaho Ki Saza Jeete-Jee Hi Mil Gai.

    What's the difference between Dava & Daru?
    Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife, Jitni Purani Hogi Utna Hi Sir Chad Ke Bolegi.

    Wife: Sunte Ho Ji?
    Husband: Haan Bolo!
    Mujhe Happiness Ki Spelling Batao!!
    Husband: Likh... UNMARRIED.

    Santa: Dekh Teri Biwi Ko Saap Kaat Raha hai... Banta: Chinta Mat Kar Yaar, Kuch Nahi Hota, Saap Ka Zehar Khatam Ho Gaya Hai, Recharge Kawane Aaya Hhoga.

    Ek Aadmi Apne Biwi Ke Har Kaam Me Nuks Nikalta Rehta Tha.
    Agar Wo Anda Boil Kar Ke Deti Toh Kehta Ke Fry Karna Tha, Agar Fry Karti Toh Kehta Ke Boil Karna Tha.
    Ek Din Biwi Ne Dono Bana Diya. Pehle Toh Wo Dono Andon Ko Gaur Say Dekhta Raha, Phir Kehne Laga... Tumhe Akal Kab Ayegi... Jis Anday Ko Fry Karna Tha Usko Tumne Boil Kar Dia Aur Jisko Boil Karna Tha Usko Fry Kar Diya.

    Height of Misunderstanding:
    Wife not talking to Husband & Thinking that She is giving Punishment to Him....

    After massive demands from all husbands a new app called 'Panic' is launched for smart phones.
    You just say 'WIFE'
    and it closes all websites, hides all chats, hide all special folders and best of all puts your wife's photograph as a wallpaper!!!