The teacher asked her class what each wanted to become when they grew up. A chorus of responses came from all over the room.
"A football player."
"A race car driver."
Everyone that is, except Little Johnny. The teacher noticed he was sitting there quiet and still.
So she said to him, "Johnny, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"Possible" Little Johnny replied.
"Possible?" asked the teacher.
"Yes," Little Johnny said. "My mom is always telling me I'm impossible. So when I get to be big, I want to be possible."
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married, I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
"I wasn't! "
Ek din Santa office jaane ke liye bus mein chada toh conductor ne haste hua pucha, "Sir, kal raat theek-thaak ghar pahunch gaye the aap? Kahin gire toh nahin, ya ghar ka raasta toh nahin bhule ghar ka?"
Santa, gusse mein, "Kyun? Kal raat ko mujhe kya hua tha?"
Conductor, "Kal raat aap nashe mein tunn the."
Santa, "Tum kaise kah sakte ho ki main nashe mein tha, hamne toh aapas mein baat bhi nahin ki koi?"
Conductor, "Sir ji, vo aisa hai ki kal raat jab aap bus mein baithe hue the tab ek madam bus mein chadhi, aur aapne uthkar unhe seat offer ki thi."
Santa, hairaani se, "Toh kya kisi lady ko seat offer karna gunah hai?"
Conductor, haste hue, "Gunah toh nahin hai sir, per us time bus mein sirf 4-6 hi passenger the."
While fishing off the Australia coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of crocodiles kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any crocs around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the crocs?"
"We didn't do nothing," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."