• Holiday Greetings

    Dear Friends,
    I cannot use names allowed due to legal reasons however, I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my friends and colleagues, but it is difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my solicitor last night, and on advice I wish to say the following:

    Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious / secular persuasions and / or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

    I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2015 , but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that Australia is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.

    By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
    This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her / him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

    Best Regards (without prejudice)
    Name withheld (Privacy Act)
  • The Ant and The Grasshopper

    The Ant and the Grasshopper - Indian Version of story - too good and fact Original Story:
    The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

    Indian Version:
    The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. NDTV, BBC, CNN , Asianet show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

    The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house. Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter. Mayawati states this as 'injustice' done on Minorities. The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper.

    CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers. Railway minister allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

    Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA] , with effect from the beginning of the winter. Education minister makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions in Government Services.

    The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV, BBC, CNN.

    Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.
    Railway minister calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.
    CPM calls it 'Revolutionary Resurgence of Downtrodden'
    Many years later...
    The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley, 100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India, ....AND As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers, India is still a developing country...!!!
  • Awesome Santa

    Mele Mein Announcement Hui:
    Ek Bachcha Mila Hai, JIN KA HAI, Aa Kar Le Jaayein.
    Santa Bheed Se Chillata Hua Aaya: Mujhe Bhi Dikhaaaaaooo JIN KA BACCHA Kaisa Hota Hai...

    Santa: Yaar, Saamne Waale Makaan Mein Ek Ladki Har Roz Khidki Mein Se Rumaal Hila-Hila Ke Ishaare Karti Hai Per Kabhi Khidki Nahin Kholti. Ab Tu Hi Bata Yaar Kya Karun?
    Banta: Behak Mat Bhai, Vo Ladki Tukhe Dekhkar Rumaal Nahin Hilaati.... Darasal Vo Us Ghar Ki Naukraani Hai Aur Khidki Ke Sheeshe Saaf Karti Hai.

    Jeeto Ek Dibbe Mein Apne Bachche Ki Potty Lekar Test Karwaane Jaati Hai.
    Doctor: Behan Ji, Yo Potty Nahin Halwa Hai.
    Jeeto, Hairaani Se Aur Lagbhag Rote Hue: Doctor Ji, Muje Ek Phone Call Karni Hai, Badi Urgent and Important Hai... Please Doctor Saab...
    Doctor: Kar Lijiye Behanji, Koi Baat Nahi, Lekin Hua Kya???
    Jeeto: Unko Batana Hai Ki Vo Galat Dibba Office Le Gaye Hain.

    Santa Sharaab Pee Kar Jaa Raha Thaa. Raaste Main Vo Ek Saadhu Se Takra Jaata Hai.
    Sadhu Gusse Mein: Aye Murkh Mein Tujhe SHRAAP Deta Hun...
    Santa: Rukiye Maharaj, Mein Glass Leke Aata Hun.
  • Reporting a Crime

    A beat cop calls the Crime Branch on telephone.

    Hello! Crime Branch?

    Yes! This is Sergeant John.

    Cop: Sir, We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean.

    Sergeant: Have you arrested the woman?

    Cop: No sir. The floor is still wet!