• Scared Alligator

    So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Little Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen.

    "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him.

    "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma!" exclaimed Little Johnny. "There's a big ol' alligator down there waiting for me!"

    "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Little Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt anyone. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"

    "Well, Gramma," replied Little Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
  • Never Be Late!

    A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner.

    However, he was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited, "I got my first impression of the Parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set And, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

    Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk.

    'I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."

    Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late!
  • Who Listens?

    Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70.

    They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh and relaxed.

    "I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen to patients from morning till night on a day like this and still look so spry and unbothered when it's over?"

    The older analyst said simply, "Who listens?"
  • Medical Discussion

    Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man Walking with his legs spread apart.​

    He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.​

    One student said to his friend,​ "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.Those people walk just like that."

    The other student says, "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."​

    Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him And one of the students said to him,​ "We're medical students and couldn't help But notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"​

    The old man said,​ "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."​

    The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."​

    The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."​

    The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."​

    The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."​

    So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"​

    The old man said,​ "I thought it was G A S - but I was wrong, too!"​