• The Same Old Story!

    An old man went to the college that he went to when he was a youth. He knocked on room number 3 of the hostel and said, "May I come in. I lived in this very room thirty years ago when I studied in this college."

    A young man opened the door and let him in. The old man examined the room, fondly remembering everything.

    He said, "The same old room, the same old wooden table, the ventilator and the same old window that opens to the garden. And the same old bed."

    When examining it he found a young girl under the bed.

    The young man got alarmed and said, "Don't mistake me. She is my sister. She dropped her ear ring and is searching for it."

    The old man said, "And the same old story..."
  • Master's in History!

    Finkelman just arrives in America and needs a job and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications. He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven. After a successful initial interview with the Encyclopedia of American History, he is called back to meet the sales manager.

    "You say you have experience selling books?"

    "Lots of it," replies Finkelman.

    "And you have a Master`s in American history from the University of Michigan?"

    "Correct," replies Finkelman. "History is my field of study."

    "Well then," says the sales manager, "As soon as I can complete this form, we can get you started in our firm."

    While the sales manager is making a few notations, Finkelman, obviously pleased with himself, begins to whistle. Looking around the room, he notices pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the walls.

    Pointing to the portraits, he turns to the sales manager and says, "Fine looking men. Your partners?"
  • Two Questions

    Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench.

    Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked graciously, "Pardon me, ma'am, but may I sit here with you."

    The silver-haired Marcia looked up to see a distinguished looking white-haired gentleman and replied, "Why certainly," and scooted over gently to give him room to sit down.

    For the next two hours the two sat and talked about everything. They discovered that they came from the same part of the country, liked the same big band music, voted for the same presidential candidates, had had long happy marriages and lost their spouses in the last year, and in general agreed about almost everything.

    Finally, the old gentleman cleared his throat and asked sheepishly, "Ma'am, may I ask you two questions?"

    With great anticipation Marcia replied, "Why certainly!"

    The old gentleman removed a handkerchief from his coat pocket and spread it out on the ground before her. He very gingerly got down on one knee and looked her softly in the eyes, "Marcia, I know we've only known each other for a couple of hours, but we have so much in common. I feel I have known you all my life. Will you marry me and be my wife?"

    Marcia grabbed at Jimmie's hands and said, "Why, yes, I will marry you! You have made me so very happy!"

    She reached over and kissed him gently on the cheek.

    Then Marcia said, "You said you had two questions to ask me. What is the second question?"

    Jimmie scratched his neck and said, "Will you help me get up?"
  • Throw Yourself Into Work

    When Joe's wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist.

    Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, "Life isn't worth living. I think I'm gonna top myself."

    "Don't be stupid, Joe," said the psychiatrist. "My wife ran off and left me too, yet I'm happy."

    "How?" asked Joe.

    "Easy," replied the quack. "I threw myself into my work. I totally submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her. By the way, Joe, what work do you do?"

    "I clean out septic tanks," Joe replied.