• Had It All

    This morning I was sitting on a park bench next to a homeless man. I started a conversation by asking him how he ended up this way.

    He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.
    "I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."

    I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"

    "Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "I was released from prison."
  • Cheap Hearing Aid

    Morris realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money.

    "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesperson.

    "That depends," he said. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000."

    "Let's see the $2.00 model," said Morris the miser.

    The salesperson put the device around Morris' neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed.

    "How does it work?" asked Morris.

    "For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesperson replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."
  • Clever Dog!

    Somehow a dog gets lost in an African Jungle. As he is finding his way a lion spots him. The lion thinks since the dog is so small he will be easy prey. When the dog sees the lion he gets extremely scared and starts to run but he sees some bones and gets an idea. As the lion approaches, he says " Mmmm, that was some good lion." The lion immediately realizes this dog is a lot tougher than he though and runs off.

    But there was a monkey in a tree watching the whole time. The monkey decides if he tells the lion what had happened the lion might reward him. so he tells the lion and the lion tells him to come with him to take down the dog. As the lion and monkey approach the dog the dog sees them and gets an idea then turns his back towards them pretending he didn't see them stand when they come into the hearing distance he says " Wheres that darn monkey? I told him to bring that lion here hours ago!"
  • For Coffee!!!

    A Chinese man boarded a flight to Chicago and promptly sat down on the first seat he encountered.

    He was soon told that seat was reserved for flight attendants. With his limited English he did not fully understand what he was told but hand signals soon got him to move a little further back.

    Soon there was another person persuading him to move out of first class. Again he moved further back.

    There was yet another discussion and he took no further chances and went to the very last seat in the tourist section.

    Some time later a flight attendant asked him if he was 'For Coffee!'

    Furious he replied, "You foh coffee, I stayah hee."

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