• New Librarian

    The new librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time.

    Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
    The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out.

    The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.

    Before the librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "That other librarian we had could write."
  • Become a Christian

    Two old Jewish men waking down the street and they see a sign in front of a church: Become a Christian today! Earn $100!

    So the one guy Abe, says, "100 bucks. hmmm. I think I'll do it. I could use the money."

    His friend Izzy says, "How could you do that ? You're a Jew. You been one all your life."

    Abe says, "So what. It's just a label. I'm doing it!"

    And he walks across the street and into the church. He returns 20 minutes later and Izzy says, "So did you do it?"

    Abe says, "Yup. I'm a Christian."

    And izzy asks, "Well did they give you the hundred dollars?"

    To which Abe shakes his head in disgust and says, "That's the trouble with you Jews. All you think about is money!"
  • Speak Now or...

    At a wedding ceremony the priest asked if there was anyone who had any reason why the marriage shouldn't go on, it was time to stand up and speak, or forever hold his or her peace.

    The moment of utter silence was interrupted by a young beautiful woman carrying a baby. She started slowly walking toward the pastor. Everything quickly turned to chaos.

    The bride slapped the groom and stormed out of the church.

    The groom's mother fainted.
    The groomsmen and brides maids ran away in all directions.


    The priest asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"

    The woman replied, "I can't hear anything from the back.... so am moving to the front seats."
  • Where's My Boogie?

    A guy was packing for a business trip and his five year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed helping her Daddy pack for his big trip.

    At one point she giggled and said, "Daddy, Daddy...Look at this," and stuck out two of her little fingers.

    Trying to keep her entertained and enjoying her playful mood, he reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in his mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers, nom nom nom" pretending to eat them and then went back to packing for his trip.

    He couldn't help but notice how quiet she had become and looked up to see his is daughter standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated and bewildered look on her face.

    He looked at her and said, "What's wrong, honey? Daddy was just playing. I would never really eat your fingers!" and let out a little giggle.

    She replied, "I know you were just playing Daddy but what happened to my boogie?"