• Night-Call

    A Doctor gets taken short up in the middle of the night and finds his toilet is completely blocked.

    He says to his wife, "I'm going to have to call a plumber."

    The wife replies, "You can't call a plumber out at three in the morning!"

    He says, "Of course I can! I have to go out on night-time calls if a patient needs me."

    Anyway, he rings a plumber, who complains bitterly about having to come out in the middle of the night.

    The Doctor says the same thing, "I have to come out on late-night calls to see patients, why shouldn't you?"

    At about 3.30AM the plumber arrives, very bleary-eyed, and the Doctor shows him to the blocked toilet.

    The plumber drops two tablets down the pan and says to the Doctor, "If there's no change, call me in the morning!"
  • Wrong number!

    The worried Preeto sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear.
    "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?"
    "Oh, mother," said Preeto, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."
    The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman. I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call Ashok at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."
    "Ashok?" said Preeto. "Who's Ashok?"
    "Why, Ashok! Your husband!....Is this 2369125?
    "No, this is 2369135."
    "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."
    There was a short pause and Preeto said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"
  • Smart Santa

    A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer.
    Santa, the bartender, shoved the foaming glass in front of him.
    "Look," said the customer, "I have no arms - would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?"
    "Sure", said Santa, and he did.
    "Now," said the customer, "I wonder if you`d be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth."
    "Certainly." And it was done.
    "If," said the armless man, "you`d reach in my right hand pants pocket, you`ll find the money for the beer."
    Santa got it.
    "You`ve been very kind," said the customer. "Just one thing more. Where is the men`s room?"
    "Out the door," said Santa, "turn left, walk two blocks, and there`s one in a filling station on the corner."
  • Diwali Gambling

    On the eve of Diwali a blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.

    The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealer's fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so, why should I tip him?"

    The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?"

    "Yes."

    "Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me."

    "Okay, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for. I'll take an eight.
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