• Shaadi Ki Stages

    Married Life Ki First Stage:
    Nayi Nayi Shadi Hui Hai. Husband Office Jaane Se Pehle Shave Kar Raha Hai Aur Shave Karte Karte Usko Blade Lag Jaata Hai. Uske Munh Se Halki Si Aaah Nikalti Hai.
    Nayi Naveli Patni Kitchen Se Bhaagti Hui Aati Hai Aur Puchti Hai: Kya Hua ???
    Pati Bade Hi Normal Tareeke Se Kehta Hai: Kuch Nahin Darling, Blade Se Halka Sa Cut Lag Gaya.
    Patni Jaldi Se Dettol Laakar Laga Deti Hai Aur Bade Dukhi Se Swar Mein Boli: Kitna Saara Blood Nikal Gaya. Aaj Aap Office Mat Jayiye, Ghar Pe Rest Kijiye. Ghar Se Hi Kaam Kar Lijiye Laptop Se... Hai Ram Kitna Dard Ho Na Raha Hoga?

    Married Life Ki Second Stage:
    Ab Bachche Ho Jaate Hain. Husband Roz Ki Tarah Office Jaane Se Pehle Shave Kar Raha Hai Aur Shave Karte Karte Usko Blade Lag Jaata Hai.
    Husband Hone Wale Dard Se Bhi Tez Chillaya: Ufffff... Menuuu.... Blade Se Cut Lag Gaya.
    Aap Bhi Na!!?? Itne Saal Ho Gaye Aapko Shave Banate Banate Per Abhi Tak Aapko Dhang Se Shave Karna Nahin Aaya. Ye Lo Phitkari, Laga Lo. Main Aapka Aur Bachchon Ka Khana Ready Kar Rahi Hun. Patni Jhallate Hue Phitkari Patakte Hue Wahan Se Chali Gayi.

    Married Life Ki Third Stage:
    Bachchon Ki Marriage Ho Chuki Hai. Husband Retire Ho Chuke Hain Lekin Aur Unhe Abhi Bhi Subah Shave Karne Ki Aadat Hai. Aur Aaj Phir Shave Karte Karte Unko Blade Lag Jaata Hai.
    Haiii... Mar Gayaaaa......!!! Arey Pappu Ki Mummy Kahan Hai Tu ?
    Kyun Chilla Rahe Ho Itna Gal Phaad-Phaad Kar... Blade Hi Laga Hai Koi Talvaar Toh Nahin Lagi? Kitni Baar Kaha Hai Ki Ab Apne Aap Shave Mat Kiya Karo. Naai Se Karwa Liya Karo Per Tumhe Toh Is Budhaape Mein Bhi Jawaan Banne Ka Bhoot Chada Rehta Hai. Almari Mein Dettol Ya Phitkari Padi Hogi Laga Lo.
  • Dam Fish!!!

    There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

    A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.

    The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."

    The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.

    His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."

    The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them.

    When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.

    His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the f*cking potatoes!"
  • Male Logic!

    Grandma was outside pulling weeds on a hot summer day when her grandpa walked up and asked her what they were having for dinner.

    Irritated by the thought of him sitting in the air conditioned house while she labored away on the weeds, she snapped, "I can't believe you're asking me about supper right now! Pretend I'm out of town, go inside and make dinner yourself!"

    So grandpa went back in the house and fixed himself a nice big juicy steak, potatoes, garlic bread, and a tall beer.

    Grandma walked in just about the time he was finishing up and asked, "Where's my dinner?"

    "Huh? I thought you were out of town."
  • Breakin' The Laws

    A gang of hoodlums began hanging out on the steps of the church and hassling worshipers as they came in and out. Finally, the situation got so bad that complaints reached Father Murphy, who decided to go out and talk to the teenagers.

    The priest's appearance was greeted by hoots and catcalls. But he went up to the leader and said, "Boys, I think there are better places for you to hang out than on God's doorstep."

    The gang leader defiantly said, "Fuck God."

    Father Murphy winced. "You're risking God's wrath by breaking His holy laws and taking his name."

    The gang leader said, "Fuck God's laws. You name one, I break it. I swear, I fuck, I steal, I smoke, I shoot people. I'll tell you what. I'm gonna break every single fucking law the church has ever make."

    The priest said, "Do you really mean that?"

    The gang leader turned to his buddies and said, "Do I ever go back on a promise? Blood oath. I'm gonna break every church law."

    "Well," the priest said, "I know of at least one sin you haven't committed."

    "Yeah? Tell me what it is and I'll do it."

    Father Murphy replied, "There's a strict church law against suicide."
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