|Harry was finally a groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage.|
He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him with an outstretched hand, "Congratulations Harry! I just wanted to tell you I've been married for twenty two years, and I am sure that you will always remember this day with the fondest of memories, as the happiest day of your life."
"But sir", said Harry, a little bit confused, "I'm not getting married until tomorrow!"
"Yeah, I know," said his boss.
|A warning to all you drivers at Christmas|
A warning to all you drivers, be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and Police are out there checking on people.
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then went onto the wine. Not a good idea.
Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the pub and took a Bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint, where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was in a Bus they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a Bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from....
|An old French woman had a small shop in her village for years, until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.|
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: "Butter - 10 Francs."
In response, the lady added a sign to her own window, "Butter - 9 Francs."
The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign, "Butter - 8 Francs."
Sure enough, the day after the lady's sign now read "7 Francs."
This went on for a while, until eventually one of the lady's customers pointed to the sign and said, "Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete."
In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered, "Monsieur, I don't even sell butter."
|A boy who loses his eye from an accident goes to the doctor gets a wooden replacement.|
Of course, he is extremely self-conscious about his new wooden eye and doesn't make an effort to ask out any of the girls in school.
One day a new girl walks in and he notices she has a harelip. He figures they can relate to each other and perhaps become friends. They get to know each other and the boy gets to the point where he musters the courage to ask the girl on a date.
The girl is so excited and happy she can hardly believe it. "Would I? WOULD I?" she exclaims.
The boy, crushed by this, screams back, "HARELIP! HARELIP!!!"