Jokes Page 5

Universal Jokes > Jokes
Page: 5
The English Teacher!

"Yo, Mrs. Miller," said the bearded guy behind the counter at the bagel shop.

My husband and I looked at him but drew complete blanks.

"I'm sorry, do we know each other?" I asked.

"Yeah, you were my English teacher."

Leaning over, my husband whispered, "Good job, Honey, good job."

Reaching Enlightenment!

Mulla Nasruddin was walking in the bazaar with a large group of followers. Whatever Nasruddin did, his followers immediately copied. Every few steps Nasruddin would stop and shake his hands in the air, touch his feet and jump up yelling "Hu Hu Hu!". So his followers would also stop and do exactly the same thing.

One of the merchants, who knew Nasreddin, quietly asked him: "What are you doing my old friend? Why are these people imitating you?"

"I have become a Sufi Sheikh," replied Nasreddin. "These are my Murids (spiritual seekers), I am helping them reach enlightenment!"

"How do you know when they reach enlightenment?"

"That's the easy part! Every morning I count them. The ones who have left - have reached enlightenment!"

Patient's Dilemma!

A woman called up the hospital and said,

"I want to know if the patient Rita Brown in Room No 1438 is getting better,"

The RMO replied, "She is doing very well. She had her first solid meal today, her blood pressure is fine and if she continues improving she might even be sent home in a couple of days."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful news!"

RMO: I take it you must be a family member or a close friend!

Woman: No I am Rita Brown. No one tells me anything!

All in the Name!

A guy walk into a bar and he orders a whiskey. He sits down and just before he takes a sip of his whiskey a guy runs in and says, "Bill! Your house burnt down!"

So he runs outside but then he thinks, "I don't have a house."

So he goes back into the bar and takes a sip of his whiskey.

Another guy runs in and says, "Bill! Your dad died!"

And so he runs out of the bar, gets on his horse and rides a little ways but then thinks, "I don't' have a dad."

So he goes back into the bar and drinks almost all of his whiskey when another guy runs in and says, "Bill! You won the lottery!"

So he runs out, gets on his horse and rides all the way to the bank but then thinks, 'My name's not Bill.'


They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.


Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors.


There are two kinds of fools - one who give advice and the others who won't take it!