A man phoned his doctor very late at night saying his wife appeared to have Appendicitis.
"That's impossible," the physician replied, peeved at being woken up after midnight. "She had an appendectomy last year. Don't be stupid. Only a moron like you would wake me up for something this idiotic. Have you ever seen anybody with a second appendix?"
"No, you are the moron!" the husband replied. "Haven't you ever seen anybody with a second wife?"
A blonde asked a farmer, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?"
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, cattle can do a lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep them trimmed down. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow doesn't have horns is because it's a horse."
A travelling salesman's car breaks down on a deserted road, and he seeks refuge from the evening storm at a nearby farmhouse.
The farmer, being a kindly soul, says to the man that he can spend the night and they'll sort his car out in the morning.
"There's only one small problem," says the farmer, "We don't have much room, so y'all will have to either sleep on the couch, or share the spare bedroom with Baby."
Thoughts of middle-of-the-night crying, early-morning nappy changing and all those other unpleasant things that come with sharing a room with a strange baby spring to mind, so the salesman agrees to sleep on the couch.
The next morning, he walks into the kitchen in the hopes of scoring some breakfast, and he sees this absolutely stunning, hot blonde busy making coffee. She turns around when he walks in and coos, "Hi, I'm Baby, who are you?"
He replies, "I'm the stupid salesman who just spent the whole of last night alone on the couch!!"
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric socket.
Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she ran outside and grabbed a handy plank of wood and smacked him with it, breaking his arm in two places.
Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his iPod.