• Reporting a Crime

    A beat cop calls the Crime Branch on telephone.

    Hello! Crime Branch?

    Yes! This is Sergeant John.

    Cop: Sir, We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean.

    Sergeant: Have you arrested the woman?

    Cop: No sir. The floor is still wet!
  • Golfing Lessons

    The new golfer asked the pro, "How much for a golf lesson?"

    "They're 13 lessons for $150 or a single lesson for $1,000."

    "Why do you charge $1,000 for a single lesson yet offer a series for only $150?!"

    "If you expect to learn golf in one lesson, you're expecting a miracle. And if you're expecting a miracle, you should expect to pay for one."
  • Emergency Landing

    A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly looses engine power and the aircraft begins to decent.

    The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them. Just then a man gets out if his seat and runs over to open the door.

    The pilots screams at him, "Didn't you hear what I said, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat as long as the doors remain closed?!"

    "Of course I heard you," the man replied, "but it's also designed to fly, and look how good that one worked out!!"
  • Reference Books!!!

    Why do ENGINEERING students always prefer local author books than REFERENCE books???

    The local author says:
    'Jack & Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after'.

    And REFERENCE BOOK says:
    '2 humans ascended a certain geological protuberance to collect hydride of oxygen whose quantity is not specified. One member Jack, of rapid irregular disturbing movements encounters fatal logical gravitational error leading to complete disarray. Other member named Jill whose scope lies within disarray, descends down the geographical protuberance at an acceleration, whose magnitude is controlled by the force of gravity.' !!!