• The Happiest Day

    Harry was finally a groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage.

    He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him with an outstretched hand, "Congratulations Harry! I just wanted to tell you I've been married for twenty two years, and I am sure that you will always remember this day with the fondest of memories, as the happiest day of your life."

    "But sir", said Harry, a little bit confused, "I'm not getting married until tomorrow!"

    "Yeah, I know," said his boss.
  • The Buffalo Theory of Beer

    One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

    "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

    This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

    In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

    In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

    That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
    Bar
  • Witch Doctor's Powers

    A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots."

    Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?"

    The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.

    The bartender asks, "He can drink?"

    "Oh, sure. He can drink."

    So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.

    "That's amazing," says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?"

    The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that."

    The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.

    The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing," he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?"

    The man says, "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!"
    Bar
  • Different Shades of Blondes

    A lady walks into a salon, sits down in the chair and the stylist asks, "What can I do for you today?"

    "Yes, I would like to have my hair colored blonde."

    The stylist brings her a color chart and says, "This is our color chart, just choose the shade you would like."

    "Well, what are these numbers that get lower as you go further blonde?" asked the lady.

    "Those represent your IQ once your hair is done," said the hair stylist.