A woman called up the hospital and said,
"I want to know if the patient Rita Brown in Room No 1438 is getting better,"
The RMO replied, "She is doing very well. She had her first solid meal today, her blood pressure is fine and if she continues improving she might even be sent home in a couple of days."
The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful news!"
RMO: I take it you must be a family member or a close friend!
Woman: No I am Rita Brown. No one tells me anything!
A guy walk into a bar and he orders a whiskey. He sits down and just before he takes a sip of his whiskey a guy runs in and says, "Bill! Your house burnt down!"
So he runs outside but then he thinks, "I don't have a house."
So he goes back into the bar and takes a sip of his whiskey.
Another guy runs in and says, "Bill! Your dad died!"
And so he runs out of the bar, gets on his horse and rides a little ways but then thinks, "I don't' have a dad."
So he goes back into the bar and drinks almost all of his whiskey when another guy runs in and says, "Bill! You won the lottery!"
So he runs out, gets on his horse and rides all the way to the bank but then thinks, 'My name's not Bill.'
Killer English by Teachers:
PT Teacher: You three of you, stand together separately.
Geography Teacher: Will you hang that map or else I'll hang myself.
Principal: Tomorrow call your parents, especially Mother and Father.
And the terrific one:
English Teacher: Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I'm in the class!
A Nano breaks down on a roadside.
A BMW stops to help the driver.
"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights"
They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds past 150km/h.
The BMW driver totally forgets about the nano & guns it after the Porsche.
Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap, the cop radios the HQ:
"Calling all stations, You won't believe this, I just saw a BMW & a Porsche racing past at about 190 km/h with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to Overtake."