The boss who was on the 25th floor of the building called up the blonde secretary on the ground floor for an important file.
Since it was rather urgent the boss told the secretary it was an emergency and that she should hurry with the file.
After more than 30 minutes the blonde clerk appears all tired and panting for breath.
The Boss asks him why she was panting and what caused the huge delay.
The blonde secretary replies, "Sir, when I went to the lift it said 'during an emergency please use the staircase'!!!"
The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop.
A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck.
"Good lord, mister," he gasped, "Are you drunk?"
"Of course," said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit. "What the hell do you think I am... a stunt driver?"
Someone was at a party when he started boasting to the local journalists that his command of English language was better than that of the average journalist's.
An editorial writer didn't take too kindly to that and said, "Well, I'll bet you $100 that I can stump you."
"I accept your wager," he said.
"I'll bet you can't use the word 'because' three times consecutively in a sentence. That is my challenge!"
After thinking for a moment, he replied, "You cannot end a sentence with the word because because because is a conjunction. You lose."
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.
The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?"
"Yes granddaughter, it's me."
"It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."
The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?"
"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."
The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"