Jokes Page 5

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Generous Santa

Ek din Santa office jaane ke liye bus mein chada toh conductor ne haste hua pucha, "Sir, kal raat theek-thaak ghar pahunch gaye the aap? Kahin gire toh nahin, ya ghar ka raasta toh nahin bhule ghar ka?"

Santa, gusse mein, "Kyun? Kal raat ko mujhe kya hua tha?"

Conductor, "Kal raat aap nashe mein tunn the."

Santa, "Tum kaise kah sakte ho ki main nashe mein tha, hamne toh aapas mein baat bhi nahin ki koi?"

Conductor, "Sir ji, vo aisa hai ki kal raat jab aap bus mein baithe hue the tab ek madam bus mein chadhi, aur aapne uthkar unhe seat offer ki thi."

Santa, hairaani se, "Toh kya kisi lady ko seat offer karna gunah hai?"

Conductor, haste hue, "Gunah toh nahin hai sir, per us time bus mein sirf 4-6 hi passenger the."

Scared Swimmer!

While fishing off the Australia coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of crocodiles kept him clinging to the overturned craft.

Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any crocs around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the crocs?"

"We didn't do nothing," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."

I Lost My Car Keys...

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.

My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion - Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty so I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice.

"Idiot", she barked, "I dropped you off!" Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

She retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."

Online Friend

Nayi nayi friendship hui Facebook pe... numbers exchange hue... aur phir...

Girl: Hello darling! Kya kar rahe ho...???

Boy: Hai Jaanu, Shave kar raha hoon...

Girl: Jab bhi mai tum ko call karti hoon tum shave kar rahe hote ho... din mein kitni baar Shave krte ho...??

Boy: 30-40 baar...

Girl: Tum Pagal ho. kya...???

Boy: Nahi jaanu mainn Barber hun...

Quotes

We never know the love of our parents for us till we have become parents.

Trivia

Interracial marriage was banned in South Africa from 1949 to 1985 (36 years) - It was banned in the U.S. from 1691-1967 (276 years).

Graffiti

Nowadays whatever is not worth saying is sung.