• Narak Bhi Swarg Hai

    Ek Baar Mein Sharaab Ki Bottle Lekar Ghar Ki Taraf Jaa Raha Tha Ki Raaste Mein Apne Pados Mein Rehne Waale Pandit Ji Mil Gaye Aur Meri Daaru Ki Botal Dekh Ke Kahne Lage: Bhai, Tum Sharaab Peete Ho, Tum Toh Pakka Narak Mein Jaoge.

    Maine Pandit Ji Se Poocha: Lekin Pandit Ji, Koi Sharaab Bechta Hai Tabhi Toh Main Kharidta Hun. Us Suresh Ka Kya Hoga, Jo Sharaab Bechta Hai? Kya Vo Bhi Narak Mei Jayega?

    Pandit Ji: Haan Haan Vo Bhi Narak Mein Jayega.

    Maine Phir Pucha: Aur Us Suresh Ka... Jo Sharaab Ki Dukaan Ke Bahar Chicken Bechta Hai?

    Pandit Ji: Vo Bhi Mein Narak Mein Hi Jalega.

    Maine Phir Pucha: Aur Vo Naachne Wali Lolita Ka Hoga?

    Pandit Ji: Vo Bhi Nark Mien Jayegi.

    Maine Phir Khush Hote Hua Kaha: Phir Koi Dikkat Nahin Hai Nark Jaane Mein?

    Sharaab Waala Wahan Hoga;
    Chicken Waala Wahan Hoga;
    Naachne Waali Ladki Wahan Hogi... Apne Saath Peene Waale Saare Dost Wahan Honge... Apne Liye Toh Wahi Swarag Hua Hai.

    Pandit Ji Ab Mere saath Baithe Hain, 3 Peg Lagane Ke Baad Salad Kaat Rahe Hain... Lekin Selfie Lene Se Mana Kar Rahe Hain.
  • Why are Days Longer & Shorter?

    I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at an engineering university. I worked repairing construction equipment.

    One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt, so to free it I started heating the nut with an oxyacetylene torch. As I was doing this, one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along. He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if I heated the nut, it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt, so I could then remove it.

    "So, things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked.

    "Yes," I said. "That's why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter."

    There was a long pause, then his face cleared. "You know, I always wondered about that," he said.
  • Kitchen Wizard

    My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better. Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away.

    When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath."

    I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest."
  • Super-efficiency

    Paul got a part time job at the Post Office. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail. Paul separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur.

    Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Paul at the end of his first day. "I just want you to know," the supervisor said, "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had."

    "Thank you, Sir" said Paul, beaming, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better."

    "Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?"

    Paul replied, "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses."