|Carolyn, a very rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sports car. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't go at all.|
After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealer. They send out a technician to her.
The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it. So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears?"
Full of anger, the blonde replies, "You nut, you idiot, how on earth you could ask such a question? I'm not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears. I use 'D' during the day and 'N' at night."
|A man exploring the ancient Pyramids of Egypt while on vacation stumbled across a secret room. He sneaked away from the tour group and explored the room.|
He found a dusty lamp and picked it up. While he wiped the dust off the lamp a genie appeared in a puff of smoke.
"For freeing me from my prison, I will grant you a wish, what will it be sire?"
The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job, a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do."
"Allah Ka Zam!" said the genie. "You're a housewife!"
|Football Rules When We Were Kids !!!|
1. The fat kid was always the goalkeeper.
2. The owner of the ball decides who plays.
3. Penalties awarded only if injured player curses a lot.
4. The match only ends when everyone was tired.
5. No matter how many goals you score, the winner will be determined by the last team to score.
6. No referee and lines men. You could run with the ball even behindt the goal post.
7. If you don't participate in repairing the ball you were given a match ban.
8. If you're picked last, you're a loser.
9. The guy who's never picked to Play was to fetch the ball from the tree or when it got stuck under the car.
10. When the owner of the ball gets annoyed, Game Over.
11. You were allowed to change a goalkeeper in case of a penalty.
12. The most skillful player gets automatic selection.
|Weirdest Statements on a Medical Report
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.|
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The skin was moist and dry.
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
She is numb from her toes down.
Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rayed and sent home. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.
Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.
The patient refused an autopsy.