• Shit Hit The Fan

    Banta's driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls. He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the parking lot.

    When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables and there's hardly standing room anywhere.

    Banta scans the place a couple of times to find the restrooms, but to no avail. Finally, he spots a small stairway and scrambles up. When he gets to the top, he discovers that all the doors are locked. All but one. When he opens the door, all he sees is a big hole in the floor. Desperate, he drops his pants and dumps the biggest load he's ever had right there in the hole.

    Relieved, he calmly walks down the stairs. The once crowded barroom is completely empty, not a soul was in sight. Slowly, a bartender rises from behind the bar.

    "What happened!?!" says Banta.

    The bartender responds, "Where were you when the shit hit the fan?!"
  • Relationship Workshop

    A workshop was done on women's relationship. They were told to send a message written "I Love You" to their husbands.

    Top 10 replies from husbands are:

    1. Are you alright? Feeling sick or something? Should I bring some medicine?

    2. What happened? Did you again hit my car?
    3. I am sorry, I didn't get it.

    4. What did you do this time? I'm not going to leave you.
    5. ?????
    6. Do not make things up! Just tell me now how much do you want for your shopping?
    7. You are telling me for whom this message was or I am going to kill you.
    8. O god!!! Again your mom-dad are here?

    9. I told you don't drink too much.

    And the ultimate one:
    10. May I know who is this?
  • Running Out Of Gas!

    Sister Marry was truly a religious woman. Besides for her duties as a nun, she was also very active in various hospitals visiting sick patients and taking care of all their needs.

    So it was no surprise that one day when she ran out of petrol, the only container she could find to put the gas into was a bedpan.

    Sister Mary happily walked to the closest petrol station filled up the bedpan and headed back to her car.

    Luck would have it that as Sister Mary started tipping the petrol into the fuel tank, the traffic light turned red and she had quite a large audience witnessing the spectacle.

    Just when she finished pouring in the last drops a fellow opened up his window and hollered, "I swear! If that car starts I'm becoming a monk!"
  • Wine Wisdom

    To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand.

    As Ben Franklin said:
    In wine there is wisdom,
    In beer there is freedom,
    In water there is bacteria.

    In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces.

    In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

    However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

    Remember:
    Water = Poop,
    Wine = Health.

    Therefore we conclude: It's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

    VERIFICATION: BOTH THE HOUSE AND SENATE DRINK A LOT OF WATER WHILE IN SESSION. THIS EXPLAINS THE RESULTS THEREIN.

    There is no need to thank me for this valuable information, I'm doing it as a public service.
    Have a nice day and enjoy a real drink!!!
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