• Never Be Late!

    A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner.

    However, he was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited, "I got my first impression of the Parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set And, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

    Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk.

    'I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."

    Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late!
  • Who Listens?

    Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70.

    They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh and relaxed.

    "I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen to patients from morning till night on a day like this and still look so spry and unbothered when it's over?"

    The older analyst said simply, "Who listens?"
  • Medical Discussion

    Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man Walking with his legs spread apart.​

    He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.​

    One student said to his friend,​ "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.Those people walk just like that."

    The other student says, "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."​

    Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him And one of the students said to him,​ "We're medical students and couldn't help But notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"​

    The old man said,​ "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."​

    The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."​

    The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."​

    The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."​

    The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."​

    So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"​

    The old man said,​ "I thought it was G A S - but I was wrong, too!"​
  • Man of Few Words

    The good bishop knew very well that everyone in his small town look to him for an example. One night, however, after a long, hard day, he came to his last visitation.

    His hostess, noting that he looked tired, asked with concern, "A spot of tea, Bishop?"

    "No, thank you," he managed. "No tea."

    "Ah," she said. "Coffee, then?"

    "No coffee either, thank you."

    In the spirit of intrigue, she leaned closer and murmured, "I could bring you a scotch and soda in a dark mug?"

    "My dear, this is my last word: NO soda."