• Spiritually Prepared!

    Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"

    "I think so," the man replied. "We have a caterer coming to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests."

    "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"

    "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
  • Miracle Cure

    A woman needed to visit the doctor's office just to have her throat swabbed for a culture. She sat in the waiting room for quite some time with her legs crossed, reading a magazine while other patients came and went.

    Suddenly her turn was called, but when she stood up to go in, she discovered her leg was "asleep". Not wanting to keep the nurse waiting, she limped and staggered toward the inner office door.

    She noticed one elderly lady nudging another who sat beside her, as the two of them sympathetically watched her painful progress.

    Five minutes later, her procedure completed and her leg back to normal, she walked easily back into the waiting room.

    As she strode past the two elderly ladies, she overheard one whisper triumphantly to the other, "See, Martha, I TOLD you he was a wonderful doctor!"
  • Faulty Refrigerator Advice

    A man calls a refrigerator repair service.

    "My refrigerator isn't working."

    "What kind is it?"

    "It's a small one."

    "Electric, gas or propane?"

    "Propane."

    "Ah! Then the problem is most likely vapor lock. You don't need a service call, just turn the refrigerator upside down for a few minutes to allow the lock to clear. Then put it back and all should be well."

    Second call, a few minutes later, "The least you could have done is to tell me to empty the fridge first!"
  • Paying The Check

    A fine-looking gentleman sat down in the main dining room of an expensive restaurant. He ordered a big dinner and spent an hour enjoying himself.

    After he was given the check, he summoned the headwaiter.

    "Ah, my friend," he said, "that was a delicious meal! Perhaps you don't remember that I was a guest at this same table just about a year ago. And at that time I couldn't pay the check, so you, sir had me thrown out in full view of all the other diners."

    "I am so sorry, sir," said the head waiter, "but, you understand..."

    "Oh it's quite all right," interrupted the gentleman, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you again."
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