• The Good Bishop

    The good bishop knew very well that everyone in his small town look to him for an example. One night, however, after a long, hard day, he came to his last visitation.

    His hostess, noting that he looked tired, asked with concern, "A spot of tea, Bishop?"

    "No, thank you," he managed. "No tea."

    "Ah," she said. "Coffee, then?"

    "No coffee either, thank you."

    In the spirit of intrigue, she leaned closer and murmured, "I could bring you a scotch and soda in a dark mug?"

    "My dear, this is my last word, "NO soda."
  • Strange Back Pain

    Santa Apni Problem Leke Doctor Ke Pass Gaya Aur Bola: Doctor Sahab, Jab Bhi Main Seedha Khada Rah Kar... Halka Sa Jhuk Kar Apni Left Leg Ghutne Se Modkar Seedha Karta Hoon... Phir Right Leg Ko Ghutne Se Modkar Seedha Karta Hoon Tab Kamar Mein Dard Hota Hai.

    Doctor, Hairani Se: Abe Agar Aisa Karne Se Dard Hota Hai Toh Tu Aisa Drama Karta Hi Kyun Hai?

    Santa, Badi Hi Masoomiyat Se: Toh Kya Main Ab Underwear Bhi Na Pahnu?
  • Queen Elizabeth & Obama

    As Air Force One arrives at the Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.

    They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards the Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.

    Suddenly, the right rear horse lets out the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is so atrocious that both the passengers in the carriage, must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but, the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident.

    The Queen politely turns to President Obama, "Mr President, please, accept my regrets...I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."

    Obama, always trying to be "Presidential," responded, "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."
  • Counter Proverbs

    Newton's third law states:
    Every action has an equal and an opposite reaction.
    So it would stand to reason that every proverb has an equal and opposite proverb.

    Actions speak louder than words.
    vs
    The pen is mightier than the sword.

    Look before you leap.
    vs
    He who hesitates is lost.

    Many hands make light work.
    vs
    Too many cooks spoil the broth.

    Clothes make the man.
    vs
    Don't judge a book by its cover.

    Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
    vs
    Better safe than sorry.

    The bigger, the better.
    vs
    The best things come in small packages.

    Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
    vs
    Out of sight, out of mind.

    What will be, will be.
    vs
    Life is what you make it.

    Cross your bridges when you come to them.
    vs
    Forewarned is forearmed.

    What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
    vs
    One man's meat is another man's poison.

    With age comes wisdom.
    vs
    Out of the mouths of babes come all wise sayings.

    The more, the merrier.
    vs
    Two's company; three's a crowd.
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