• Snappy Dresser

    A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.

    He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?"

    But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one.

    When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost?

    He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the heads."
  • Decent Crook

    After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report.

    Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

    There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert.

    The note reads: I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.

    Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from throughout the house, from basement to attic.

    And, there is a note on the door reading: Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?
  • Ghost Voter!!!

    Sreedhar Uncle came out after casting his vote from the polling booth.

    He asked the polling agent, "Did my wife come to cast her vote ??"

    The agent looked at the list and said, "Yes! She was here sometime back."

    Mr. Sreedhar became sad and said, "I wish I was here a bit early. I would have met her."

    The agent was surprised and asked him, "Doesn't she stay with you anymore???"

    "No! She passed away 15 years ago. But I have seen that she comes to cast her vote whenever there is an election."
  • The Foul-Mouthed Parrot

    A man got a parrot which could already talk. It had belonged to a sailor and had a big vocabulary. However, the man soon discovered that the parrot mostly know bad words. At first he thought it was funny, but then it became tiresome, and finally, when the man had important guests, the bird's bad words embarrassed him very much.

    As soon as the guests left, the man angrily shouted at the parrot, "That language must stop!"

    But the bird answered him with curses. He shook the bird and shouted again, "Don't use those ugly words!" Again the bird cursed him.

    Now the man was really angry. He grabbed the parrot and threw him into the refrigerator. But it had no effect. From inside the refrigerator,the parrot was still swearing. He opened the door and took him out, and again the bird spoke in dirty words and curses. This time, the man opened the door of the freezer , threw the bird into it, and closed the door.

    This time there was silence. After two minutes, the man opened the door and removed the very cold parrot.

    Slowly the shivering parrot walked up the man's arm, sat on his shoulder and spoke into his ear, sounding very frightened, "I'll be good, I promise...Those chickens in there... what did they say?"