|A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.|
They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"
The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.
The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
v The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them."
|Mr Anantharaman Subbaraman from Tamil Nadu was waiting for clearance in US airport for over an hour.|
He went to the counter and asked, "Why are you not calling my name"?
Officer: "We have been announcing and calling you for so long. Where were you?? The flight has not taken off since you are absent in your allotted seat in the aircraft."
In the meantime announcement came"
"Final call for Mr. 'ANOTHERMAN SUPERMAN ' please board the plane."
|Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening position and come in at no 4 for that test. But, Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2. And he thought there would be less pressure!|
"Man, it doesn't matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero."
- Viv Richards to Sunil Gavaskar at Madras 1983.
Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county game. Viv missed a superb outswinger, and Thomas said "It's red, round and weighs about 5 1/2 ounces."
Next ball Viv hits Greg Thomas out of the ground for 6 and replies, " Greg, you know what it looks like. Go ahead and find it!"
Australia fighting for a win nearing the end of a Test Match, Fred Trueman at the crease.
The Aus captain has plenty of close in fielders, whose shadows fall on the wicket.
Fredie finds this objectionable, "Ere, if you lads don't back off, I'll appeal for bad light!"
Tom Goddard, of Gloucestershire, once bowled 42 consecutive overs under heat wave conditions.
Finally, he complained about his unthinking captain, "Why the hell! doesn't the bloody bugger take me off?` raved Goddard.
At that moment it was gently pointed out to him, by amused team-mates, that skipper Basil Allen had left the field hours earlier. Allen had in fact asked a colleague to lead the side in his absence, the colleague being Goddard himself!!
The best of the best (Incident described in "From the Pavilion End" by Harold "Dickie" Bird)
"Bomber" Wells, a spin bowler and great character, played for Glocuestershire and Nottinghamshire. He used to bat at No.11 since one couldn't bat any lower.
Of him, they used to paraphrase Compton's famous words describing and equally inept runner; "When he shouts 'YES' for a run, it is merely the basis for further negotiations!"
Incidentally, Compton was no better. John Warr said, of Compton: "He was the only person who would call you for a run and wish you luck at the same time."
Anyway, when Wells played for Gloucs, he had an equally horrendous runner as the No.10. During a county match, horror of horrors....... both got injured.
Both opted for runners when it was their turn to bat. Bomber played a ball on the off, called for a run, forgot he had a runner and ran himself. Ditto at the other end.
In the melee, someone decided that a second run was on. Now we had all four running. Due to the confusion and constant shouts of "YES"... "NO"..., eventually, all of them ran to the same end.
Note at this point in time, the entire ground is rolling on the floor laughing their behinds out.
One of the fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a minute, picks the ball and throws down the wicket at the other end.
Umpire Alec Skelding looks very seriously at the four and calmly informs them, "One of you buggers is out . I don't know which. You decide and inform the bloody scorers!"
|A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple.|
The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist then queries how old the temple is.
"This temple is 1503 years old," replies the guide.
Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure.
"Easy," replies the guide. "The archaeologists said the temple was 1500 years old, and that was three years ago."