• If Lion goes Onsite!

    In a poor zoo in India, a lion was offered not more than 1 kg of meat a day.

    The lion thought that its prayers were answered when one day a USA zoo manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to USA.

    The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/C environment, a goat or two every day.

    On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag sealed very nicely, for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained a few bananas and some boiled vegetables.

    The lion thought that may be they cared too much for him and were worried about his stomach, as he had been recently shifted from India.

    The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food - a bag of bananas, was delivered.

    The lion was furious ; it stopped the delivery boy and blasted him, "Don't you know that I am the Lion - King of the Jungle ? What's wrong with your management ? Why are you delivering bananas and boiled vegetables to me daily ?"

    The delivery boy politely said, "Sir I know you are the King of the Jungle... But you have been brought here on a monkey's visa !!!!"

    Moral of the story: To all the H1B visa aspirants.... Better to be a lion in India than a monkey elsewhere.
  • Software Ke Phool

    Guru Dutt is reborn and makes a film, called Software ke Phool. Sahir Ludhianvi saheb revises his old song for the new venture.

    It goes like this:
    Yeh Document, Yeh Meetings, Yeh Features ki Duniya,
    Yeh Insaan Ke Dushman Cursors Ki Duniya,
    Yeh Deadlines Ke BookHe Management Ki Duniya;
    Yeh Product Agar Ban Bhi Jaaye Toh Kya Hai?

    Yahaan Ek Khilona Hai Programmer Ki Hasti,
    Yeh Basti Hai Murda Bug-fixers Ki Basti,
    Yahan Par Toh Raises Hai, Inflation Se Bhi Sasti,
    Yeh Review Agar Ho Bhi Jaaye Toh Kya Hai?

    Har Ek Keyboard Ghayal, Har Ek Login Pyaasi,
    Excel Mein Uljhan, Winword Mein Udaasi;
    Yeh Office Hai Ya Aalame Microsoft,
    Yeh Release Agar Ho Bhi Jaaye Toh Kya Hai?

    Jalaa Do Isse, Phoonk Daalo Yeh Monitor,
    Mere Saamne Se Hataa Daalo Yeh Modem,
    Tumhaara Hai Tumhi Sambhalo Yeh Computer,
    Yeh Product Agar Chal Bhi Jaaye Toh Kya Hai?
    Yeh Product Agar Chal Bhi Jaaye Toh Kya Hai!!!

    Note: Try actually humming these lyrics in the original tune sung by Mohd. Rafi, it fits so well.
  • Think Before You Speak!

    Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking 2 my wife about life.. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.

    I told her, "Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the connections that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die."
    My wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me proceeded to disconnect the Cable TV, DVD, then the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the bar and threw away all my whisky, rum, Gin, Vodka the Beer from the fridge...

    I ALMOST DIED!!!

    Moral: Think before you speak. The female brain works on a different wavelength!
  • The Old Bore

    A tired minister was at home resting, and through the window he saw a woman approaching his door. She was one of those too-talkative people, and he was not anxious to talk with her. He said to his wife, "I'll just duck upstairs and wait until she goes away."

    An hour passed, then he tiptoed to the stair landing and listened... not a sound.

    He was very pleased, so he started down calling loudly to his wife, "Well, my Dear, did you get rid of that old bore at last?"

    The next moment he heard the voice of the same woman, and she couldn't possibly have missed hearing him. Two steps down, he saw them both staring up at him. It seemed truly a crisis moment.

    The quick-thinking minister's wife answered, "Yes, Dear, she went away over an hour ago. But Mrs. Jones has come to call in the meantime, and I'm sure you'll be glad to greet her."
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