• Don't Mess With Your Girlfriend

    Girl: I Love You.
    Boy: Ha ha ha.

    Girl: I Miss You I Miss You.
    Boy: Hahahahaha...

    Girl: Me Tumhari Khatir Apni Jaan Bhi De Sakti Hun...
    Boy: Hahahahahahahaha...

    Girl: Tumhare Bina Me Zinda Nahi Reh Sakti.
    Boy: Hahahahahahahahahahaha....

    Girl: Mere Mummy Aur Daddy 1 Week Ke Liye Bahar Jaane Wale Hain. Main Ekdum Akeli Rahungi Ghar Main.
    Boy: Kab???
    Girl: Hahahahahahahahahahaha.... hahahahahahaha... hahahahahahahaha.... hahahahahahahah.... hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahaha... hahahahahahahaha haha...

    Boy: Kab Jaanu ??
    Girl: Hahahahahahahaha hahahahahaha.... hahahaahahah... haahahhaahhahahahahaha......

    Boy: Bolo Na Janu, Kabbb??
    Girl: hahahahahahaha.... hahaahahah.... haahahhaahhahahahaha.... hahahahahahahaha.... haahahahhaahahhaahhahaha......
  • Retired Husband!

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Wal-Mart Dear Mrs. Harris:

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'.
    This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time; and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
    6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
    14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
    15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

    And last, but not least:
    16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
    One of the clerks passed out.
  • You Gotta Stay Happy

    If you are in Love:
    - Make the best of it.
    - Don't doubt anythng.
    - Enjoy it because nothing lasts forever.

    If you just Broke up:
    - Don't cry! Remembr that you had a good time.
    - Neverstay alone! Your friends are there.
    - Hug more people.
    - Stop listening to sad music! It only make things worse.

    If you are Single:
    - Stay happy.
    - Hang out with friends & family.
    - Try looking for someone, who you think is the best for you.

    If you are Married:
    -Game over...
    Just delete this msg & get back to work...
  • Gayle's Appraisal Interview

    Gayle: Sir, I scored 211 Runs in 118 Balls. I made the team win the crucial match. I should get "A" rating.

    Manager: You hit 17 Sixes and 23 Fours. Though, that is good but that is not something new you have done. That is why we hired you. As this is not something new, I will mark it as "Innovation Lacking.'

    Gayle: But sir, I played according to the situation. I took 21 singles as well.

    Manager: Exactly, your performance is not consistent. You played 15 Dot Balls as well. This means, you failed to optimize the resources.

    Gayle: But...

    Manager: Also, I would like to mention that you are not a team player. The whole team scored 112 and you all alone made 211.

    Gayle: What ???

    Manager: Yes. So, overall, you are getting a "C" rating for the year. Improve Consistency, Innovation, Utilization and Team Work.
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