• Man United vs Arsenal

    Watching Football With Wife is Really Stressful:

    Wife: Honey Which teams are playing?

    Husband: Arsenal vs Manchester United.

    Wife: Oooh wonderful! I Love Arsenal.

    Husband: That's a good team.

    Wife: Is Ronaldo playing?

    Husband: He doesn't play for any of these teams.

    Wife: Okay sweeety. Is that Chris Brown?

    Husband: [bored] No he is Chamberlain.

    Wife: Okay but they look the same. What's that yellow card for?

    Husband: It's a Warning to the Player.

    After few minutes Rooney scores for Manchester United....

    Wife: [celebrates in high mood] Is that Chamberlain who has scored?

    Husband: [calmly] No it's Rooney for Manchester United...!!

    Wife: [furious] How? it should be Arsenal who should have scored!!

    Husband: [silent]

    Wife: What is that Red card for?

    Husband: [bored] That means the player should go out of the pitch for misbehaving.

    Wife: Then is he going to be a Coach?

    Husband:[unwilling to answer] Aaaaaaaaa no...
    Wife: It's the same with Traffic Lights: Yellow= Preparning; Red=Danger.

    Husband: Exactly darling...
    Wife: What about the Green Card?

    Husband: Mmmm nothing of that kind in a field of play....

    Wife: I want Arsenal to win the World Cup...

    Husband: [silent]

    Wife: Who is that man standing who looks like Mr. Bean?

    Husband: [bored] it's the Arsenal coach, Arsene Wenger.

    Wife: That means the other opponent's coach is Manchest Wenger?

  • Engineer vs Surgeon

    An engineer was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle when he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop.

    He went to him & said... "Look at this engine... I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and put them back... So why do I get such a small salary and you get huge sums....!"

    The doctor smiled at the engineer and came close to his ear and said.... "Yeah, I agree... It's Almost same but try the same when the engine is running."

    Now, Here comes the Classic Revenge...

    The engineer smiled back, came close to doctors ear and said, " I can pick any dead engine and make it alive... can you ???"

    And surgeon was speechless....!
  • Kutta Mar Gaya!

    Ek Baar Ek Neta Ji Gaanv Mein Sabha Karne Ja Rahe The Lekin Gaanv Se Pehle Hi Unki Car Ke Neeche Ek Kutta Aa Gaya Aur Mar Gaya. Accident Ki Wajah Se Bhi Kharab Ho Gayi Aur Wahin Band Pad Gayi.

    Neta Ji Ne Driver Ko Madad Laane Ke Liye Gaanv Mein Bheja.

    Thodi Der Baad Jab Driver Lauta To Uske Gale Mein Dher Saari Malayein Padi Thi.
    Neta Ji Ne Poochha: Tune Wahan Jaa Ke Aisa Kya Kiya Jo Tera Itna Samman Hua... Itne Haar Tere Gale MeEin Daal Diye Logon Ne???

    Driver: Janaab, Maine Toh Sirf Itna Hi Kaha Ki Neta Ji Ki Car Ka Accident Ho Gaua Hai..... Aur Kutta Mar Gaya....
  • The Golden Urinal

    A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.

    "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.

    "At this new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinal's gold!"

    The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story.

    "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.

    "Yes it is," bartender answers.

    "Do you have huge golden doors?"

    "Sure do."

    "Do you have golden floors?"

    "Most certainly do."

    "What about golden urinals?"

    There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!"