|Ever since Rob was a child, he had a fear of someone under his bed at night. So he went to a Psychiatrist and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."|
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you," Rob said.
Six months later he met the Psychiatrist on the street.
"Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.
"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV."
"Is that so!" With a bit of an attitude he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed - ain't nobody under there now!"
FORGET THOSE PSYCHIATRISTS... GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER. There is always another way to solve a problem.
|A retired older couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter.|
The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply.
"Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $55,000 asking price," said the older man.
"Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $30,000 to the lovely young lady there."
"And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model."
The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water.
"Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?" Replied the grinning salesman a wee bit sheepishly...
Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man...
"There you go, dad" she said. "I told you, I could get that idiot to lower the price."
|Once a lawyer was travelling by train in A/c class. He was traveling from New Delhi to Mumbai! He was traveling alone!|
Some time later, a Beautiful lady came and sat down on the berth opposite to him.
Lawyer was pleasantly Happy! The lady kept smiling at him! This made him even more Happy!
She got up and sat next to him! Lawyer was now bubbling with Joy!
She then leant towards him and whispered in his ear, "Hand over all your valuables, cash, cards, mobile phone to me else I will shout and tell everybody that you are harassing and misbehaving with me."
Lawyer stared blankly at her! He took out a paper and a pen from his bag and wrote: "I can not hear or speak. You write on this paper whatever you want to say."
The lady wrote everything what she said earlier and gave it to him! He took her note, kept it in his pocket!
He got up and told her in clear tones... "Now shout & scream!!"
MORAL: DOCUMENTATION IS VERY IMPORTANT.
|A young blonde pilot is beginning flying lessons and is in a two-seater airplane with just the instructor pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. The frantic young blonde pilot calls out a May Day.|
"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My instructor pilot had a heart attack and is dead, and I don't know how to fly. I'm just learning to be a pilot. Help me! Please help me!"
She hears a voice over the radio saying, "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Is the plane flying level? Is the instructor pilot strapped in his seat? Just give me your height and position."
She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."
(After a long pause)
"O.K." says the voice on the radio... Now, repeat after me: 'Our Father Who art in Heaven'..."