• Never Ask a Lady Her Age

    Operation Ke Liye Behoshi Ka injection Lagane Se Pehle Doctor Ne Aurat Se Pucha: Aapki Age Kitni Hai?

    Lady Patient: 28 Saal.

    Doctor Ne Kaha: Aapko Pakka Yakeen Hai Na Ki Aapki Itni Hi Age Hai Kyunki Mujhe AApki Age Ke Hisaab Se Behoshi Ki Dawa Ki Matra Nirdharit Karni Hai.

    Lady Patient: 30 Saal.

    Doctor Ne Phir Lady Se Pucha: Aap Dekh Lijiye, Dawai Ki Kam Ya Jyada Quantity Se Patient Ya Operation Ke Beech Mein Hi Hosh Mein Aa Jata Hai Ya Phir Coma Mein Chala Jata Hai.

    Lady Patient: 28 Saal.

    Doctor Ne Phir Kaha: Dekhiye Shrimati Ji, Baat Is Tarah Hai Ki Agar Aap Apni Age Galat Batayengi Toh Dawai Ki Galat Matra Ka Asar Seedhe-Seedhe Dimaag Pe Padta Hai Aur Vo Damage Bhi Ho Sakti Hai.

    Lady Patient Cheekhte Hue Gusse Se Boli: 49 Saal, Aur Ab Bhale Hi Operation Theatre Se Meri Laash Hi Kyun Na Nikle, Main Apni Age Is Se Jyada Nahin Badhaungi.
  • If My Body Were A Car

    If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

    I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull but that's not the worst of it.

    My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

    My traction is not as graceful as it once was.I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

    My spare tyres are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

    But here's the worst of it...

    Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter..... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
  • Wrong Number

    Santa Ne Delhi Se Apni Wife Ko Chandigarh Phone Kiya To Naukar Ne Phone Uthaya.

    Santa: Madam Se Baat Karvao Meri.

    Naukar: Wo Toh Sahab Ke Saath Apne Kamre Mein Mauj-Masti Kar Rahi Hai.

    Santa: Hain!!! Par Saab Toh Main Hoon.

    Naukar: Achcha!!!Toh Phir Mein Kya Karoon.

    Santa: Dono Ko Jaake Goli Maar De.

    After Killing
    Naukar: Ab Dead Bodies Ka Kya Karun?

    Santa: Ghar Ke Peeche Jo Swimming Pool Hai Usmein Laashein Phenk De Aur Bhaag Ja.

    Naukar: Par Hamare Ghar Mein To Swimming Pool Hai Hi Nahi.

    Santa: Oh Tuhadi Phen Di, Eh Taan Wrong Number Si.
  • Doctor's Advice

    Yesterday I was talking to my doctor and after knowing my occupation he advised:

    You must exercise more. Don't buy cold drinks from stalls. Drink more plain water. Don't drive when going out. Take public transport or walk. Don't eat out.. Eat less meat especially seafood. Keep to vegetarian diet if possible.

    I nodded and asked: May I know what's wrong with me?

    He answered: Teri Salary Bahut Kam Hai Re...