• The Italian Math Test

    An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said.

    "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

    "Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Datsa easy." and he proceeds to draw three trees.

    "What's this?" the boss asks.

    "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree makea nine," says the Italian.

    "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

    The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere a you go."

    The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99 ?"

    "Each of da trees isa dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

    The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

    The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

    The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

    The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doga came along and crapa by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, datsa makea one hundred. So, when I'm a gonna start?"
  • The Married Cold

    The Seven Stages of the Married Cold: A husband's reactions to his wife's colds during seven years of marriage. The seven stages are as follows:

    Stage 1: Sugar Dumpling, I've really been worried about my baby girl. That's a bad sniffle, and there's no telling about these things with all the strep that's going around. I'm going to put you in the hospital for a general check-up and a good rest. I know the food's terrible, but I'm going to bring you dinner every night from Rosini's. I have it all arranged with the floor supervisor.

    Stage 2: Listen, Darling, I don't like the sound of that cough. I'm going to call Doc Miller to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl just for Papa.

    Stage 3: Maybe you'd better lie down, Honey. Nothing like a little rest when you feel lousy. I'll bring you something. Do we have any canned soup?

    Stage 4: Now look, Dear, be sensible. After you've fed the kids, and gotten the dishes done, and the floor mopped, you'd better lie down for a while.

    Stage 5: Why don't you take a couple of aspirins?

    Stage 6: Why don't you just gargle or something instead of sitting around barking like a seal all evening?

    Stage 7: Would you stop coughing on me? Are you trying to give me pneumonia?
  • Overly Suspicious Wife

    Sam called his wife and said to her in a weak voice, "Hey baby, I was driving to a coffee shop to meet Mary when all of a sudden, a stray dog came in the way. I tried to steer left to avoid running it down, but the car skidded due to high speed, rolled over and almost ran off the cliff. The car was hanging nose down over the cliff, as I looked down fearing impending death.

    "I just managed to climb out of the car and save my life, just before the car fell over the cliff crashing thousands of feet below and was blown into smithereens."

    Sam continued, "I was taken to a hospital. I have a broken leg, broken jaw, dislocated shoulder and several injuries on my head."

    There was silence on the phone, then the wife asked, "Who is Mary?"
  • Laajawab Santa

    Santa Bhaga-Bhaga Hotel Ke Manager Ke Pass Aya Aur Chillata Hua Bola: Jaldi Chalo, Meri Biwi Khidki Se Kud Kar Jaan Dena Chahti Hai.

    Manager: Toh Tumhe Samjhana Chahiye, Tumhari Biwi Hai... Main Kya Kar Sakta Hun?

    Santa: Oye Kamine, Vo Khidki Khul Nahin Rahi Hai.

    Santa Ne Bus Mein Ek Ladki Ko Chhed Diya.
    Ladki: Tumhare Ghar Mein Maan-Behen Nahi Hai Kya?
    Santa Bholepan Se: Kya Pata Ji, Mein Toh Subah Se Ghar Se Bahar Hoon.

    Santa Apni Job Ke Liye Ek Company Mein Interview Dene Gaya.
    Interviewer Ne Santa Se Puchha: Landline Aur Cellphone Mein Kya Farak Hai?
    Intelligent Answer By Santa: Landline Mein Number Ungliyon Se Dial Karna Padta Hai Aur Cellphone Mein Anguthe Se.

    Ek Baar Santa Ki Biwi Jeeto Ne Bade Pyar Se Santa Ko Bola: Suno ji, Vo Teen Shabd Kaho Na... Jinhe Sunkar Mujhe Dil Se Khushi Mehsoos Hoti Hai.
    Santa: Galti Meri Thi.