|A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is different hell for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.|
He goes to American hell and asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the American devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day".
The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He checks out the Australian hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the American hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asked the man.
"Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the Indian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business."
|There were three generals, one Chinese, an Iraqi, and a Turk. They were bragging about how good each of their armies were.|
The Chinaman said, "My army would kill themselves for their country!"
Then he put a platoon in a little room and told them, "When this feather hits the floor I want all of you to shoot yourselves!"
He then went outside the room and five seconds later there were numerous gunshots and everyone in the room was dead.
Next came the Turkish General and he said the same thing to one of his platoons. About seven seconds later they heard gunshots and once again everyone was dead.
Finally came the Iraqi and he did the same to his platoon. Several seconds past and there were no gunshots. They decided to wait a little longer. Then several more seconds past and still no gunshots.
Finally they went in and the whole Iraqi platoon was on the floor blowing under the feather to keep it up.
|Banta goes to see his supervisor in the front office.|
"Sir," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife, Preeto, needs me to help with the top floor and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Banta," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, Sir," says Banta, "I knew I could count on you!"
|The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for "Show & Tell," and the next day every kid had something.|
The teacher asks Anna: What did you bring?
"I brought a Walkman."
"And what is it for?"
"You can listen to music with it!"
"That's nice. What did you bring Maria?"
"I brought a can opener, it opens cans!"
"Well done. Umm, Johnny, I see you didn't bring anything!"
"Yes, I did. It's in the hall."
So the entire class goes into the hallway.
"Umm, Johnny, what is that?"
"It's a heart / lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going."
"Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing this?"
"He said, 'AAAARRRGGGH!!!'"