• Cross-Examination

    It was a case of attempted murder, in which the prisoner was accused of having fired twice at his intended victim. One of the witnesses for the prosecution was being severely cross-examined by the defending counsel.

    "You say that you heard both shots fired?" he asked sternly.

    "Yes, sir."

    "How near were you to the scene of the affair?"

    "At the time the first shot was fired I was about twenty feet from the prisoner."

    "Twenty feet. Humph! Now tell the court how far you were off when you heard the second shot."

    "Well, sir," replied the witness slowly, "I didn't exactly measure the distance; but, speaking approximately, I should say about half a mile."
  • Violent Wives

    A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend, hunting with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

    When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged for nearly 2 hours with a tirade about his actions.

    Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for 2 or 3 days?"

    To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

    Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went and he didn't see her.

    On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
  • Children - Then vs Now

    Children of now a days are so spoilt that they don't even know that in our days you could be beaten for any of the following reasons:

    1. Crying after being beaten.

    2. Not crying after being beaten.

    3. Crying without being beaten.

    4. Standing while the elders were seated.

    5. Sitting while the elders were standing.

    6. Walking around aimlessly where the elders were seated.

    7. Replying back to an elder.

    8. Not replying back to an elder.

    9. Spending too much time without being beaten.

    10. Singing after being admonished.

    11. Not greeting visitors.

    12. Eating food prepared for the visitors.

    13. Crying to go with the visitors when the visitors were leaving.

    14. Refusing to eat.

    15. Coming back home after sunset.

    16. Eating at the neighbour's home.

    17. Generally being moody.

    18. Generally being too excited.

    19. Fighting with your age mate and losing.

    20. Fighting with your age mate and winning.

    21. Eating too slowly.

    22. Eating too quickly.

    23. Eating too much.

    24. Sleeping while the elders had already woken up.

    25. Looking at the visitors while they were eating.

    26.Stumbling and falling when walking.

    27. Looking at an elder eye ball to eye ball.

    28. When an elder was talking to you and you blinked your eye.

    29. When an elder was talking to you and you stirred without blinking.

    30. When you looked at an elder with a corner eye.

    31. When your mates were playing Street football and you joined them to play.
  • George and the Dragon

    An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon."

    He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?"

    He asked. The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes, "No!" she shouted.

    "Could I have a pint of ale?"

    "No!" she shouted.

    "Could I at least sleep in your stable?"

    "No!" she shouted again.

    The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"

    "What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.

    "D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"