• The Hot Stock

    A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found Bob.

    "I think this one will really move," said the broker. "It's only $1 a share."

    "Buy me 1000 shares," said Bob.

    The next day the stock was at $2.

    Bob called the broker and said, "You were right, get me another 5000 shares."

    The next day when Bob checked in the paper, the stock was at $4! He ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10000 more shares!"

    "Great!" said the broker.

    The next day Bob looked in the paper and the stock was now selling for $10 a share! With all his purchases, Bob had made over $100,000 in just 4 days! Excited, Bob called the broker and said, "Sell all my shares! I want to cash out."

    The broker replied, "I would, but to whom? You were the only one buying that stock."
  • Having A Real Bad Day

    Meanwhile in a normally quiet side street in London... What a morning.........

    8:00 I made a snowman.

    8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

    8:15 I made a snow woman.

    8:17 The nanny of the neighbours complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest.

    8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead.

    8:25 The vegans at No. 12 complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

    8:27 The Reverend from the local church says it's a pagan sign and such figures should have no place in a Christian country.

    8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

    8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf.

    8:35 Mr. Shankar places flowers at the figure and insists a temple must be built there, and all Muslims & Christians should leave the street.

    8:40 Someone calls the cops who show up to see what's going on.

    8:42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon. Things get worse after I mutter: "Yeah, if it's up your A***"

    8:52 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am blindfolded and flown to the police station in a helicopter.

    9:00 I'm on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble at this sensitive time.

    9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices.

    9:29 A little known jihadist group has claimed it was their plot.

    Done with this!!!

    I will never make a snowman, snow woman or snow whatever again. It's too dangerous!!!.... and I didn't even name it Padmavati.
  • Behind Every Successful...

    During a company's annual family trip to a crocodile farm in Thailand... the eccentric Boss dared any of his employees to jump into the crocodiles infested pond... and swim to the shore.

    Anyone who survived the swim will be rewarded with 5 million... but if killed by the crocs...2 million will be given to the next of kin.

    For a long period of time no one dared take up the challenge... then suddenly a man jumped in...and swam frantically for his life towards shore pursued by the crocs...and luckily he made it unscathed.

    When he managed to recover his breath... the instant millionaire shouted asking who pushed him into the pond..... it was his wife who did it.!!!

    And from that day...that was how the phrase... "Behind every successful man...there's a woman"...came about !!!
  • Cross Examination

    Policeman testifies in Court If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility....

    Q: Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?

    A: No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.

    Q: Officer -- who provided this description?

    A: The officer who responded to the scene.

    Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

    A: Yes, sir. With my life.

    Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?

    A: Yes sir, we do!

    Q: And do you have a locker in the room?

    A: Yes sir, I do.

    Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?

    A: Yes sir.

    Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?

    A: You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.