• A Stolen Car

    A man had been in a meeting that lasted all afternoon and as he walked out, he was tired and just wanted to go home. He reached into his coat pocket and realized his car keys were missing. He looked around but could not find his keys. He went outside to look in the car and discovered his car was gone too. His car had been stolen.

    So he called the police, they came and took a report, and then the man called his wife to see if she would be able to come pick him up. She answered the phone and he told her the upsetting news.

    "Honey, you're not going to believe this but my car was stolen while I was in the meeting."

    There was a long pause, "I dropped you off at your meeting today. I have the car!" she said.

    "Oh, that's right! I can't believe I forgot that. I'm glad the car is okay. Well, will you still come back and pick me up?"

    She said, "Yes, of course I will. As soon as I convince this cop the car is not stolen."
  • Two Timing Wife

    Dave was feeling depressed, and his best friend Keith decided to take Dave to the Pub, to try and cheer him up.

    He asked Dave what was it that was troubling him, but Dave didn't want to talk about it. So they sat there getting slowly pissed.

    Keith matched Dave drink for drink, trying to get him to talk about what was troubling him.

    Gentle prodding was ignored until finally, after downing the sixth, Dave blurted out, "OK, it's your wife."

    "My wife?" his Keith demanded. "What about my wife?"

    "I think she's cheating on us."
    Bar
  • Spiritually Prepared!

    Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"

    "I think so," the man replied. "We have a caterer coming to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests."

    "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"

    "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
  • Miracle Cure

    A woman needed to visit the doctor's office just to have her throat swabbed for a culture. She sat in the waiting room for quite some time with her legs crossed, reading a magazine while other patients came and went.

    Suddenly her turn was called, but when she stood up to go in, she discovered her leg was "asleep". Not wanting to keep the nurse waiting, she limped and staggered toward the inner office door.

    She noticed one elderly lady nudging another who sat beside her, as the two of them sympathetically watched her painful progress.

    Five minutes later, her procedure completed and her leg back to normal, she walked easily back into the waiting room.

    As she strode past the two elderly ladies, she overheard one whisper triumphantly to the other, "See, Martha, I TOLD you he was a wonderful doctor!"
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