• The Toughest Test

    "I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends.

    "First I got Angina Pectoris, then Arteriosclerosis.

    "Just as I was recovering, I got Psoriasis.

    "They gave me Hypodermics, and to top it all, Tonsillitis was followed by Appendectomy."

    "Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his friends.

    "I don't know," the boy replied.

    "Toughest spelling test I ever had."
  • An Easier Question

    Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American History.

    The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the mic.

    "Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $64,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?"

    Bob nodded with a cocky confidence-the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed a question all week.

    "Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?"

    Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it, but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject, but he played it safe.

    "I'll try the easier part first."

    The M.C. nodded approvingly. "Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half."

    The audience silenced with gross anticipation...

    "Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"
  • Lady Cops

    Five blokes in an Audi Quattro arrived at the ferry checkpoint.

    Blonde Tracey, in her brand new uniform, stops them and tells them, "I can't let you on the ferry. It is illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro. Quattro means four. One of you will have to get out and stay behind."

    "Quattro is just the name of the car," the driver replies disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons."
    "You cannot pull that one on me. This is Tracey you're talking to here," she replies with a smile. "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law. So I can't let you onto the ferry. It's more than my job's worth to let you all on."
    The driver is now very cross and replies angrily, "I've had enough of you. Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence....!" "Sorry," responds Tracey, "but Sharon is busy with those two blokes in the Fiat Uno."
  • Business Strategy

    When the expensive printer/photocopier in an office began print black lines on every page, the office manager called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the unit probably needed only to be cleaned.

    Because the store charged $100 for such cleanings, he said, the manager might try reading the manual and doing the job himself.

    Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

    "Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."