|Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years."|
The other woman said, "Well, my son is a saint himself. Not only has he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time."
"My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud."
"I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him a big party."
|Boss, to four of his employees, "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go."|
Black Employee, "I'm a protected minority."
Female Employee, "And I'm a woman."
Oldest Employee, "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."
To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds, "I think I might be gay..."
|A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.|
Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?"
This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.
After a few hours, the nephew returned.
"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.
"It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"
|An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and their anniversary.|
He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband."
His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, when he came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"