• Best Friend

    A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.

    "James," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"

    Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."

    He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.

    "But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"

    The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"
  • Aerial Photography

    A photographer from a news organization was assigned to cover the fires in California.

    His boss wanted pictures of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze but when the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was too thick. It would be impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level.

    He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and arrangements were made. The photographer was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him.

    He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!"

    The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.

    The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures."

    "Why?" asked the pilot.

    "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs."

    The pilot was silent for a moment. Finally he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"
  • Legally Blonde

    A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher for 16 - 18 year olds.

    She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, kicking a football.

    She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

    "Are you ok?" she asks.

    "Yes," he replies.

    "You can go and play with the other kids, you know," she says.

    "It's best I stay here," he says.

    "Why's that, sweetie?" asks the blonde...

    The boy looks at her incredulously and says, "Because I'm the goal keeper !!!"
  • Doctor Google

    Patient: I have fever, headache, cough and cold. I've taken some basic medicines for the same.

    Doctor: Which ones?

    Patient: Paracetamol,
    Amoxicillin,
    Levocetrizine,
    Theophylline,
    Montelukast,
    Bromhexine,
    Ibuprofen.
    Doctor: Someone please give me an Alprazolam!

    Patient: Relax doctor. Alprazolam is an anxiolytic. It may not help you right now. You're suffering from an Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). A selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor like Escitalopram will work better.

    Doctor: Someone give me passive euthanasia!

    Patient: Passive Euthanasia requires you to sign a 'living will' in advance. Besides, you're not even terminally ill. Now can we please talk about my fever?

    Doctor (calls his father): Papa, I'm joining our family's snacks business from tomorrow!

    Thanks to Doctor Google most of the patients are Digital Patients these days.