• Blonde Bar

    Blonde Bar
    A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

    The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

    In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:
    1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
    2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
    3 - I'm a 6-foot tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
    4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
    5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
    Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

    The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
  • Drunk Superman

    Drunk Superman
    On the top of a tall building in a large city, there was a bar. In this bar, a man was drinking heavily. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot, then walk out to the balcony and jump off. Minutes later he would appear in the elevator and repeat the whole process.

    This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiosity got the better of him.

    Finally he went up to the man and asked, "Hey, you keep drinking, then jumping off the balcony. And yet, minutes later, you're back again. How do you do it?"

    "Well," said the other man, "the shot of tequila provides buoyancy such that when I get near the ground, I slow down and land gently. It's lot of fun. You should try it."

    The guy, who was also quite drunk, thought to himself, "Hey, why not?"

    So he goes out to the balcony, jumps off, and seconds laterhe has splatted straight onto the ground, stone dead.

    The bartender looks over to the other guy and says, "Superman, you can be a complete as*hole when you are drunk"
  • Blonde Crew

    Blonde Crew
    A phone company put an ad in the paper in order to recruit workers. The next day, two groups of workers show up - a crew of five men and a crew of five blonde women.

    The company cannot decide who to give the job to, so they give the two groups a test. The company boss says, "Each crew will receive a telephone pole that must be installed into the ground. Whoever is able to hammer it in first will get the job."

    Both groups agree that this is a fair test, so off they go in the Company trucks with the long telephone poles sticking out the back. A few hours pass, and finally, at 5:00, the male crew returns.

    "Yes!" they shout. "We came back first, so we get the job!!"

    "Good work, men," says the boss, "However, we must wait until the other crew comes back to make sure that the reason they're delayed is not because of traffic or the truck breaking down."

    "Fine, no problem," say the men.

    An hour passes, two hours pass, three hours. Finally, at 8:30, the Blonde crew arrives. All the group is flushed and breathing hard, as if they had just gone through harsh labor.

    "What happened to you? What took so long?" asks the boss incredulously.

    "What do you mean, 'what took so long'?? Do we get the job?"

    "YOU get the job? No way! The men were back here HOURS ago!"

    "Well, of course they were," say the blondes. "They only put the pole in halfway!!"
  • Late Night Party

    The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges.

    On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party.

    The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning.

    At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"

    "Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously.

    Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."