|A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets it and begins to drink it and notices the beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer.
Then it is time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender the guy throws 30 dimes behind the counter.
The bartender is pissed and is on his hands and knees collecting change as the guy leaves.
The next day the man is back and he comes in waiving a $3 dollar bill.
The bartender thinks, "Okay, business is business..." and lets him in. Again, the beer is kind of warm, but the guy doesn't say anything.
Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 note.
The bartender goes to the register to get the change, but instead of taking out two $1 dollar bills, he takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the entire pub. The bartender says, "There is your f**king change!"
The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes out 10 dimes, throws them behind the counter and says, "Gimme another beer!"
|Life just gets better as you get older doesn't it.|
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.
The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my I-Pod.
This is what happens when old people start using up-to-date Technology.
|The Pope and Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.|
The Pope leaned towards Mr. Trump and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoince!"
Trump replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!"
So the Pope slapped him.
|A class had been studying destruction of the rain forest and was talking about ways they could help protect the planet.|
One boy was particularly proud of his contribution. He announced, "I got at least seven kids to stop using paper towels in the bathroom at school!"
The teacher congratulated him, and asked how he had accomplished such a feat.
"Simple! I just taught them all to wipe their hands on their shirts like I do!"