• 2018 Resolutions

    As we all prepare to start a new year, it is time again to make those ever so important New Year's Resolutions. Here is my list of recent years' resolutions and the revised ones for 2018.

    Resolution #1
    2015: I will try to be a better husband to Mona.
    2016: I will not leave Mona.
    2017: I will try for reconciliation with Mona.
    2018: I will try to be a better husband to Priya.

    Resolution #2
    2015: I will stop looking at other women.
    2016: I will not get involved with Priya.
    2017: I will not let Priya pressure me into another marriage.
    2018: I will stop looking at other women.

    Resolution #3
    2015: I will not let my boss push me around.
    2016: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.
    2017: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.
    2018: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.

    Resolution #4
    2015: I will read at least 20 good books a year
    2016: I will read at least 10 books a year.
    2017: I will read 5 books a year.
    2018: I will finish Space.

    Resolution #5
    2015: I will not get upset when Andy and Mandy make jokes about my baldness.
    2016: I will not get annoyed when Andy and Mandy kid me about my toupee.
    2017: I will not lose my temper when they tell the guys I wear a girdle.
    2018: I will not speak to Andy and Mandy.

    Resolution #6
    2015: I will get my weight down below 180.
    2016: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
    2017: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.
    2018: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

    Resolution #7
    2015: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
    2016: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
    2017: I will not become a "problem drinker".
    2018: I will not miss any AA meetings.

    Resolution #8
    2015: I will not spend my money frivolously.
    2016: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
    2017: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
    2018: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2018.

    Resolution #9
    2015: I will see my dentist this year.
    2016: I will have my cavities filled this year.
    2017: I will have my root canal work done this year.
    2018: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.

    Resolution #10
    2015: I will go to church every Sunday.
    2016: I will go to church as often as possible.
    2017: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
    2018: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.
  • My Wife's Last Wish

    A very sick woman on her sick bed said to her husband: Honey if I die, how long would it take you before you marry a another wife...?!

    The man replied: Till your grave becomes dry my love.

    Then she said: Are you promising me this...?

    Husband replied: Of course darling... I promise you.

    And after her demise, her husband began to visit her grave everyday for a period of one year.

    And the grave was always wet, it never became dry...!!!

    And a day came when he visited the graveyard in the evening, he found her brother in the graveyard.

    He then asked him: Jason what are you doing here...?

    He replied: I'm fulfilling the wish of my only sister. She said I should please come here everyday to wet her grave.
  • Witty Cricket Commentary

    1. In a match between India and Australia, Michel Clarke was caught at the slip off Kumble and he was waiting for third umpire's decision when he was clearly out.
    Harsha said: I think he is waiting for tomorrow's newspapers to declare him out.

    2. In one match, Dravid and Ganguly panicked while running between the wickets and Ganguly sent him back from half pitch.
    Siddhu: Ganguly threw drowning Dravid, a rope with both loose ends.

    3. Navjot Singh Siddhu on Ajit Agarkar: If Ajit Agarkar is an all-rounder, then I am Aishwarya Rai.

    4. Geoffrey Boycott during the lunch show: Sachin may be a great batsman, but he has never been on the Lords honours boards!
    Harsha Bhogle: So whose loss is it more, Sachin's or the Honours board's?

    5. Navjyot Singh Siddhu commenting oh Rohan Gavaskar's performance said: Everything coming out of cow is not milk, my friend.

    6. Sidhu: Pitches biwiyon ki tarah hoti hai.... kab badal jaye, koi nahin bol sakta!

    7. India is playing Sri Lanka. Sehwag hits a boundary and Ravi Shastri remarks: It's gone to the boundary before you can say KULASEKARA.

    8. During an India-WI test in the summer of 2011, Andre Russel had just dived to save a boundary.
    Ian Bishop: Reminds you of a young Tony Cozier, this man.
    Tony Cozier: You weren't even a thought in your parents' head when I did that.

    9. Michael Atherton: It is England but India has more support in the stadium, and the pitch is completely assisting your spinners. Says a lot about our hospitality, right.'
    Harsha Bhogle: Well.... we let you rule our nation for so many years. I believe that's the least you can do for us.
    Michael Atherton was speechless!
  • Never Blame Your Wife

    Girl, to God: I don't want to marry. I am educated, independent and self-sufficient. I don't need a husband. But my parents are asking me to marry. What should I do?

    God: You are my finest creation and undoubtedly will achieve many great things. But some things... inevitably, will not go the way you want. Worst, some things will fail. Whom will you blame? Yourself? No! You need a husband!

    Here's theTWIST

    Boy, to god: But then what will I do. Whom will I blame....?

    God: Your scope is much wider my son. You can blame the govt, the education system, the environment, the slow growth, the fast growth, the economy, the politicians, the bureaucrats, the infra, religions, beliefs and even me..............