A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric socket.
Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she ran outside and grabbed a handy plank of wood and smacked him with it, breaking his arm in two places.
Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his iPod.
Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest, a recent college graduate trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette.
One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her.
Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?"
The man replied, "That's one benefit of owning the company."
The teacher asked her class what each wanted to become when they grew up. A chorus of responses came from all over the room.
"A football player."
"A race car driver."
Everyone that is, except Little Johnny. The teacher noticed he was sitting there quiet and still.
So she said to him, "Johnny, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"Possible" Little Johnny replied.
"Possible?" asked the teacher.
"Yes," Little Johnny said. "My mom is always telling me I'm impossible. So when I get to be big, I want to be possible."
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married, I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
"I wasn't! "