Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother.
Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind, sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear... I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that I would do something crazy. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. Santa, my co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office....
When my co-worker, Santa followed me, the Boss asked him, "And where do you think you're going?"
Santa replied, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"
My two daughters were having a discussion about family resemblance.
"I look like Mom," said my nine-year-old, "but I have Dad's eyes and Dad's lips."
The six-year-old said, "And I look just like Dad, but I have light hair."
Then she turned to me. "Mom," she asked, "what does Dad have to do with us being born anyway?"
The older sister jumped right in, "Don't be stupid, Christina. Dad is the one who drove Mom to the hospital."
A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. The religious man prayed every single day and night, spending much time at church, while the atheist never even thought of such acts.
However, the atheist had a good life. An excellent, well-payed job, and a beautiful wife, lovely, healthy, children, whereas the religious man's job was stressful and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day, and his kids were obnoxious, and non loving.
So one day, while deep into his regular prayer, he looked towards heaven and asked, "Oh God, I honour you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"
A great voice bellowed out from above, "BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"