|If Bollywood Movies Were Directed In Pubs:|
1. Sita Aur Margarita
2. Corona Pyaar Hai
3. Soda Akbar
4. Rab Ne Pila Di Thodi
5. Rum Whiskey Se Kam Nahi
6. Rum De Basanti
7. Hum Tight Ho Chuke Sanam
8. Pissed Out At Lokhandwala
9. Jo Pilaye Wahi Bartender
10. Rum Maaro Rum
11. Beer Zaara
13. Beer Belly
14. Gin Na Milegi Dubara
|A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."|
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed.
He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week."
|Jeeto Ne Apni Kaam Waali Baai Ko Apna Ek Purana Suit De Diya.|
2 Din Baad Kaam Waali Gusse Se: Maalkin, Ye Pakdo Apna Suit Mujhe Nahi Chahiye.
Jeeto: Kya Hua Re Tujhe... Suit Lekar Toh Bade Shouk Se Gayi Thi, Ab Kya Ho Gaya?
Kaam Waali: Hona Kya Hai Maalkin Jab Mein Ye Suit Pehan Ke Aati Hun Toh Sahab Aap Ho Samajh Kar Meri Taraf Dhyaan Bhi Nahi Dete, Aur... Aur.... Jeeto: Aur Kya???
Kaam Waali: Aur Driver Peeche Se Aakar Lipat Jaata Hai.
Santa Subha Office Ke Liye Tayaar Ho Raha Tha.
Santa Apni Wife, Jeeto Se Bola: Jeeto, Meri Blue Wali Shirt Kahan Hai?
Jeeto: Oh Sorry Ji, Wo Toh Aaj Mere Se Jal Gayi.
Santa: Chal Koi Na, Mere Paas Waisi Ek Aur Bhi Hai, Wo Le Aa.
Jeeto: Pata Hai Ji, Maine Usmein Se Kapda Kaat Ke Pehle Wali Mein Laga Diya Hai.
Santa Ke Ghar Aag Lagne Par Uski Patni Ki Kuch Body Jal Gayi.
Santa Usko Shehar Ke Mashoor Surgeon Ke Paas Le Gaya.
Santa: Doctor Sahab, Plastic Surgery Karvane Mein Kitna Kharcha Aayega?
Doctor: Sab Mila Ke Lagbhag 10 Lakh.
Santa Kuch Soch Kar Bola: Doctor Sahab, Aur Agar Plastic Hum De Toh?
|Trump's first day at the Oval Office. First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI.|
Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately.
CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.
Trump: The Democrats created them.
CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby.
Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them.
CIA: We can't do that.
Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban.
CIA: Sir, we can't do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes.
Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the Saudis.
Pentagon: Sir, we can't do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can't have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that oil - and we cannot let their people own it.
Trump: Then, let us invade Iran.
Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir.
Trump: Why not?
CIA: We are talking to them, sir.
Trump: What? Why?
CIA: We want our stealth drone back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check.
Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again.
CIA: Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.
Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq?
CIA: We need the Shi'ite gov't of Iraq to keep ISIS in check.
Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US.
FBI: We can't do that.
Trump: Why not?
FBI: Then our own population will become fearless.
Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border.
Border patrol: You can't do that, sir.
Trump: Why not?
Border patrol: If they're gone, who will build the wall?
Trump: I am banning H1Bs.
USCIS: You cannot do that.
Chief of staff: If you do so we'll have to outsource White House operations to Bangalore. Which is in India.
Trump: What the hell should I do???
CIA: Enjoy the White House, sir! We will take care of the rest!!!
God bless America!