• My First Drink With My Son

    While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint.

    Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage.

    I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.

    Then I got him a Kilkenny's. He didn't like that either, so I drank it.

    Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager! He didn't. I drank it.

    I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's. Nope, he didn't. I drank it.

    In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast , Ireland 's finest. He wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it!

    By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push his stroller back home.
  • I Dare You

    At a church meeting, a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith.

    "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life.

    "I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and I had to either give it all to God's work or give nothing at all. So at that moment, I decided to give my whole dollar to God.

    "I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."

    When he finished and moved toward his seat, there was an awed silence.

    As he sat down, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him, "I dare you to do it again."
  • The Talking Frog!

    An old man who loves to fish, was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

    He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

    He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

    The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

    The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll then give you more sexual pleasure that you ever could have dreamed of."

    The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

    Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you have never had."

    He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
  • Shakespeare's Lesson

    A young lad and his mother were walking down the street one day when suddenly the boy yelled out excitedly, "Mother, Mother, Look at that bowlegged man!"

    His mother immediately hushed him explaining it was not polite to make fun of bowlegged people.

    The next day the same thing happened. "Look mother, there's that bowlegged man!"

    The mother grabbed the lad by the arm saying, "When we get home you'll be punished for this outburst."

    When they got home, she gave her son a work by Shakespeare, "Go to you room and read this book. You can't come out until you have finished it. Maybe you will learn something from this punishment."

    Two days later they are walking down the same street when the boy again spots the person he had been making fun of: "Hark! What manner of men are these, Who weareth their legs in parentheses?"