• Kutta Mar Gaya!

    Ek Baar Ek Neta Ji Gaanv Mein Sabha Karne Ja Rahe The Lekin Gaanv Se Pehle Hi Unki Car Ke Neeche Ek Kutta Aa Gaya Aur Mar Gaya. Accident Ki Wajah Se Bhi Kharab Ho Gayi Aur Wahin Band Pad Gayi.

    Neta Ji Ne Driver Ko Madad Laane Ke Liye Gaanv Mein Bheja.

    Thodi Der Baad Jab Driver Lauta To Uske Gale Mein Dher Saari Malayein Padi Thi.
    Neta Ji Ne Poochha: Tune Wahan Jaa Ke Aisa Kya Kiya Jo Tera Itna Samman Hua... Itne Haar Tere Gale MeEin Daal Diye Logon Ne???

    Driver: Janaab, Maine Toh Sirf Itna Hi Kaha Ki Neta Ji Ki Car Ka Accident Ho Gaua Hai..... Aur Kutta Mar Gaya....
  • The Golden Urinal

    A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.

    "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.

    "At this new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinal's gold!"

    The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story.

    "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.

    "Yes it is," bartender answers.

    "Do you have huge golden doors?"

    "Sure do."

    "Do you have golden floors?"

    "Most certainly do."

    "What about golden urinals?"

    There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!"
  • Hiring Lingo

    Clarification Of Hiring Lingo

    Competitive Salary - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

    Join Our Fast-Paced Company - We have no time to train you.

    Casual Work Atmosphere - We don't pay you enough to expect that you will dress up.

    Must Be Deadline Oriented - You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.

    Some Overtime Required - Some time each night and some time each weekend.

    Duties Will Vary - Anyone in the office can boss you around.

    Must Have An Eye For Detail - We have no quality control.

    Career-Minded - Female applicants must be childless (and stay that way).

    Apply In Person - If you're fat, old, or ugly, you will be told the position has been filled.

    No Phone Calls Please - We already have someone for the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

    Seeking Candidates With A Wide Variety of Experience - You will need it to replace three people who have just left.

    Problem Solving Skills A Must - You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

    Requires Team Leadership Skills - You will have the responsibilities of a manager; without the pay or respect.

    Good Communication Skills - Management communicates; you listen, figure out what they want, and do it.
  • Noise Abatement!

    An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on time departure.

    The weather in New York finally cleared and the pilot asked for his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due to the increased traffic now leaving New York.

    Sometime later he finally received his clearance and decided he would try to make up the time lost by asking for a direct route to Los Angeles. Halfway across the country he was told to turn due South. Knowing that this turn would now throw him further behind schedule he inquired, quite agitated, to the controller for the reason of the turn off course. The controller replied that the turn was for noise abatement.

    The pilot was infuriated and said to the controller, "Look buddy, I am already way behind schedule with all the delays you guys have given me today. I really don't see how I could be causing a noise problem for pedestrians when I am over 6 miles above the earth!"

    The controller answered in a calm voice, "Apparently, Captain, you have never heard two 747's collide!"
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