• True Management Guru

    An old French woman had a small shop in her village for years, until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.

    They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: "Butter - 10 Francs."

    In response, the lady added a sign to her own window, "Butter - 9 Francs."

    The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign, "Butter - 8 Francs."

    Sure enough, the day after the lady's sign now read "7 Francs."

    This went on for a while, until eventually one of the lady's customers pointed to the sign and said, "Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete."

    In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered, "Monsieur, I don't even sell butter."
  • Wood Eye!

    A boy who loses his eye from an accident goes to the doctor gets a wooden replacement.

    Of course, he is extremely self-conscious about his new wooden eye and doesn't make an effort to ask out any of the girls in school.

    One day a new girl walks in and he notices she has a harelip. He figures they can relate to each other and perhaps become friends. They get to know each other and the boy gets to the point where he musters the courage to ask the girl on a date.

    The girl is so excited and happy she can hardly believe it. "Would I? WOULD I?" she exclaims.

    The boy, crushed by this, screams back, "HARELIP! HARELIP!!!"
  • It's Payback Time

    I met one of my Maths teacher yesterday.

    We greeted and he asked me directions to the State Bank of India.

    I told him make a 299 degrees turn and walk for 290 meters, then subtend the angle of X using Pythagoras Theorem and round bit up to the nearest degree using tan ∆.

    From that point, draw a parabolic curve and walk 342 meters on its major axis and bisect the straight road at an obtuse angle. That's where the bank is.

    Let him feel what I felt when I was in school....
  • Lawyers and Alligators

    Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, "I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than I am. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."

    "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"

    "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.

    "Hmm. Well, where do you catch 'em?"

    "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."

    "Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"

    "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat 'em!"

    "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."