• A Tale of Two Diaries

    Wife's Diary:

    Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.

    I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

    Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

    I asked him what was wrong, he said, "Nothing."

    I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

    He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

    On the way home, I told him that I loved him.

    He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."

    When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

    Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.

    We had sex, he fell asleep, I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

    Husband's Diary:
    A two-foot putt..... Who the hell misses a two-foot putt?
  • A Brave Husband

    This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper.

    Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air-conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. "I can't believe you're asking me about supper right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself."

    So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea.

    The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, "You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?"

    "Huh? I thought you were out of town."
  • Relationship Humour

    A thief entered the hou se in the mid- afternoon... he tied up the woman and showing knife point asked the man to hand over all the jewellery and money.
    Man started sobbing and said.... "Bhai you take anything you want but please untie the rope as she is my neighbour's wife.. Mine will arrive shortly..."

    Husband: I got trapped into marriage.
    Wife, angrily: You were after me; I was not after you. You used to follow me to the bus stop, office, home, everywhere!
    Husband: True! The mouse-trap never runs after the mouse! It is the mouse that runs into the trap!
    Dedicated to all husbands.

    Girl: Dad, I'm in love... It's love at second sight.
    Dad: What's Love at second sight ?
    Girl: When I first saw him, he was buying Manikchand Gutkha! And when I saw him again, he was spitting it out of his Audi A4....
  • The Impatient Pilot

    An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on time departure.

    The weather in New York finally cleared and the pilot asked for his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due to the increased traffic now leaving New York.

    Sometime later he finally received his clearance and decided he would try to make up the time lost by asking for a direct route to Los Angeles. Halfway across the country he was told to turn due South. Knowing that this turn would now throw him further behind schedule he inquired, quite agitated, to the controller for the reason of the turn off course. The controller replied that the turn was for noise abatement.

    The pilot was infuriated and said to the controller, "Look buddy, I am already way behind schedule with all the delays you guys have given me today. I really don't see how I could be causing a noise problem for pedestrians when I am over 6 miles above the earth!"

    The controller answered in a calm voice, "Apparently, Captain, you have never heard two 747's collide!"