• Stop That!

    A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.

    Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect.

    So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.

    Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands, "Stop That!"

    The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way was it headed?"
  • Rajinikanth vs Kattappa

    Ek Baar Rajinikanth Aur Kattappa Ki Mulaqat Ho Jaati Hai.

    Rajinikanth: Tumhe Pata Hai Mere Gaon Mein Light Nahin Thi, Main Agarbatti Jalaakar Uski Roshni Mein Padta Tha.

    Kattappa: Mere Gaaon Mein Toh Light Bhin Nahin Thi Aur Hamaare Paas Agarbatti Ke Paise Bhi Nahin The, Phir Bhi Mai Padha.

    Rajinikanth: Kaise?

    Kattappa: Mera Ek Dost Tha Prakaash, Usko Apne Paas Bitha Leta Tha. Aur Jab Bhi Baarish Hoti Thi Aur Prakaash Bheeg Jaata Tha Tab Bhi Main Padh Leta Tha.

    Rajinikanth: Kaise?

    Kattappa: Gaon Mein Jyoti Naaam Ki Ladki Bhi Toh Thi, Uske Paas Baith Kar.

    Rajinikanth Benhosh.
  • Jesus on the Cross...

    After a brutal and tough day carrying the cross up Golgatha, the Romans nailed Jesus with no remorse to the heavy wooden structure. Golgatha was a grand hill, and as the cross was raised Jesus looked down upon all those gathered before him.

    He saw his wonderful mother Mary. He saw gods children. He saw Jerusalem in all its glory. But his eyes finally fell on his good friend and disciple Peter.

    "Peteeer....," he called through painful breaths, "Peeteerr...."

    Peter, the must loyal of all Jesus's follows, jumped in shock. He began to run toward Jesus.

    "Yes my lord?" Peter replied.

    But as soon as he began to get close the Romans roared, "NO!" and viciously chopped off poor Peters Legs.

    Peter, wallowing in pain, heard his messiah call him again, "Peeetteeer... peeter," growing more faint with each call.

    So once again Peter tried, crawling with his arms... pulling as hard as he could.

    Suddenly, more sharp Roman swords fell upon him. They took his arms this time, leaving him limbless.

    But as he lay there, face down in the mud, Peter heard the Son of God once more, "Peeteer"

    So Peter rolled this time with all his might, reaching the bottom of the cross, "Yes my lord, Yes, Yes," he screamed with anticipation, "how can I serve you?"

    And in his fading breaths, whimpering and quiet, Jesus replied, "Peeter... Peter... I... I can see your house from here!"
  • Cheaper Solutions

    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.

    The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

    She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

    He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper.
    "So, I figure if I have to roll my own... so does she."