• Santa`s Clients

    Santa`s Clients
    Santa was in coats but unfortunately business was very bad.

    One day his partner Banta said to him, “What are we going to do with these fifty coats? They’re last year’s style and even though we’ve knocked them down to Rs 1000 each, we still can’t sell any.”

    Santa replied, “Use your head, Banta. Price them at Rs 2000 and send 10 of our best clients five coats each. But here’s the plan. Put in an invoice for Rs 8000 for only four coats. If I know them, my clients will think we’ve made a mistake. They’ll jump at a bargain and pay the Rs 8000.”

    “What a terrific idea,” said Banta. “I’ll send them out today.”

    Two week’s later, Banta says to Santa, “What a stupid idea it was. Every one of those clients returned the parcel and the invoice, but only sent back four coats.”
  • Outhouse Hole

    Outhouse Hole
    Santa and his wife, Jeeto, were living in a farm up in the hills. One day, Santa found that the hole under the outhouse is full. He tells Jeeto that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.

    Jeeto says, "Why don't you go ask Banta down the road?"

    So, Santa goes down to Banta's house and asks him, "My outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it."

    Banta tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it's in the air the second one will then go off and spread the shit all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole."

    Santa thanks him, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse.

    He goes home and puts them under the outhouse. He then lights them and runs behind a tree.

    All of a sudden, Jeeto comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite... shooting the outhouse into the air.

    BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite spreading shit all over the farm.

    WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.

    Santa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, "Jeeto, are you all right?"

    As she pulls herself up she says, "Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen."
  • Dying of AIDS

    An Irishman named Adrian went to his doctor.

    The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order."

    Adrian was shocked, but managed to compose himself and walk into the waiting room, where his son had been waiting.

    "Well son, we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate When things don't go well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to the pub and have a few pints."

    After 3 or 4 pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Adrian's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. Adrian told his friends they were drinking to his impending end.

    "I Have been diagnosed with AIDS. "

    The friends gave Adrian their condolences, and they had a couple of more beers.

    After the friends left, Adrian's son leaned over and whispered, "Dad, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS."

    Adrian said, "I don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."
  • English girl

    A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

    The husband laughs and says, "An English girl !!!"

    The woman kept quiet and left.

    Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks, "So, honey, how was the trip?"

    "Very good, thank you."

    "And, what happened to my present?"

    "Which present?" She asked?

    "The one I asked for- the English girl!!"

    "Oh, that" she said, "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if it is a girl !!!"