|Some guru on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and left incomplete...|
So I looked around my house to see things I'd started but hadn't finished.
Then I finished off half a bottle of Vodka, a bottle of Black label, half a bottle of rum, two beers, 1/2 cream cake and a box of chocolates.
You have no idea how fabulous I am feeling now.
Please send this one to those you feel are in need of inner peace.
God Bless The Guru.
|Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in one of the neighborhoods in Detroit, MI.|
Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. Police Officials have detained the following terrorists on civil unrest issues:
1: Bin Sleepin
2: Bin Drinkin
3: Bin Fightin
The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, anywhere in the neighborhood.
Police are very confident that anyone who looks like Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in the community. No further information available.
|I asked my friend's son what he wanted to be when he grows up. He said he wanted to be Prime Minister some day.|
Both of his parents, liberal leftists, were standing there, so I asked him, "If you were Prime Minister, what would be the first thing you would do?"
He replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people."
His parents beamed with pride.
"Wow... what a worthy goal." I told him. "But you don't have to wait until you're Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you Rs. 500. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the same 500 rupee note for food and new set of clothes."
He thought that over for a few seconds, then he looked me straight in the eyes and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him Rs. 500?"
I said, "Welcome to the Rightist fold."
His parents still aren't speaking to me
|After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kinda strange so she decides to do a DNA test.|
She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.
Husband: What's up?
Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid.
Husband: Well you don't remember, do you?? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had pooped. Then you said, 'Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here.'
Wife: Yes, I do remember.
So I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there...