• The New Librarian

    The new librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time.

    Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.

    The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.

    Before the librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "That other librarian we had could write."
  • Defective Sports Car

    Carolyn, a very rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sports car. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't go at all.

    After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealer. They send out a technician to her.

    The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it. So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears?"

    Full of anger, the blonde replies, "You nut, you idiot, how on earth you could ask such a question? I'm not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears. I use 'D' during the day and 'N' at night."
  • Spectacular Job

    A man exploring the ancient Pyramids of Egypt while on vacation stumbled across a secret room. He sneaked away from the tour group and explored the room.

    He found a dusty lamp and picked it up. While he wiped the dust off the lamp a genie appeared in a puff of smoke.

    "For freeing me from my prison, I will grant you a wish, what will it be sire?"

    The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job, a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do."

    "Allah Ka Zam!" said the genie. "You're a housewife!"
  • Kids' Football Rules!

    Football Rules When We Were Kids !!!

    1. The fat kid was always the goalkeeper.

    2. The owner of the ball decides who plays.

    3. Penalties awarded only if injured player curses a lot.

    4. The match only ends when everyone was tired.

    5. No matter how many goals you score, the winner will be determined by the last team to score.

    6. No referee and lines men. You could run with the ball even behindt the goal post.

    7. If you don't participate in repairing the ball you were given a match ban.

    8. If you're picked last, you're a loser.

    9. The guy who's never picked to Play was to fetch the ball from the tree or when it got stuck under the car.

    10. When the owner of the ball gets annoyed, Game Over.

    11. You were allowed to change a goalkeeper in case of a penalty.

    12. The most skillful player gets automatic selection.