• Not For Sale

    A picky lady customer at a Supermarket's fruit department watches as a new delivery of fresh fruit is delivered.

    "Give me two kilo of oranges and wrap every orange in a separate piece of paper, please," the picky lady says to the saleslady.

    Silently the sales lady serves the picky customer.

    "And three kilo of apples, please, and wrap each and every one in a separate piece of paper, too."

    Gritting her teeth, the saleslady once again obliges the picky customer.

    "And what is that over there", the picky customer says as she points to a basket in the corner.

    "Grapes, says the saleslady with a big grin on her face, "but they are not for sale!!!"
  • Mian-Biwi Ke Kisse

    Husband: Tumne Pada... Akhbaar Mein Likha Hai Taaje Survey Se Pata Chala Hai Ki 25 Percent Auratein Maansik Bimari Ke Liye Medicines Leti Hain?
    Wife: Toh Ismein Khaas Kya Hai?
    Husband: Yeh Toh Bada Hi Darawani Type Ki News Hai.
    Wife: Kyun?
    Husband: Iska Matlab Hua Ki 75 Percent Ladies Bina Medicines Liy Ghoom Rahi Hain...!!!

    Biwi Ne Namaaz Padhkar Dua Ke Liye Haath Uthaye, Par Kuchh Nahin Manga Aur haath Neeche Kar Liye!
    Shauhar Yeh Sab Dekh Raha Tha, Toh Puchh Baitha: Yeh Kya? Dua Kyun Nahin Maangi?
    Biwi: Maangne Hi Lagi Thi Ki 'Allah Aapki Tamaam Mushkilein Khatam Kar De' Phir Socha, Kahin Mujhe Hi Kuchh Na Ho Jaaye!

    Patni: Aaakhir Aurat Kya-Kya Sambhaale...
    Tumko Sambhaale,
    Tumhare Bachche Sambhaale,
    Tumhare Maa - Baap Ko Fambhaale
    Yaa Phir Tumhara Ghar Sambhaale ???
    Pati, Sukun Se: Agar Aurat Sirf Apni ZABAAN Sambhaal Le Toh Baaki Sab Apne-Aap Sambhal Jaayega !!!
  • Future PM!!!

    Rahul Gandhi walks into a Bank to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, would you please cash this cheque for me?"

    Cashier: It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?

    RG: Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Vice President of the Congress Party. Future Indian PM.

    Cashier: Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of imposters and forgers and requirements etc., I must insist on seeing your ID.

    RG: Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.

    Cashier: I am sorry sir but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.

    RG: I am urging you, please, to cash this cheque.

    Cashier: Look Sir here is an example of what we can do. One day, Sachin Tendulkar came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Sachin he pulled out his bat and played a beautiful shot across the bank. With that shot we knew him to be Sachin and cashed his cheque.

    "Another time, Mahesh Bhupati came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and played a fabulous shot when the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, sir what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, future Indian PM, Rahul Gandhi?

    RG stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says: Honestly, my mind is a total blank... There is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do; I just don't have a clue.

    Cashier: Sir, 500 or 1000 rupee notes?
  • Display of Authority

    A Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Texas ranch and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation.

    The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."

    The Water representative says, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?

    The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.

    Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life and close behind is the rancher's bull. The bull is gaining with every step. The Rep is clearly terrified.

    So the old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs...."Your card! Show him Your card!"