• Ex-Wife!

    Joe finally decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend. One evening, after their honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage, just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

    After a long period of silence she finally spoke. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we're married, maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley.`
    Joe got a horrified look on his face. She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"

    He replied, "There, for a minute, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife." "Ex-wife!" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!" Joe replied, "I wasn't."
  • Sneaky Marketing Trick

    An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years, until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.

    They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: "Butter - 10 Francs"

    In response, the lady added a sign to her own window: "Butter - 9 Francs"

    The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign: "Butter - 8 Francs"

    Sure enough, the day after the lady's sign now read: "7 Franc."

    This went on for a while, until eventually one of the lady's customers pointed to the sign and said, "Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete."

    In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered, "Monsieur, I don't even sell butter."
  • Explaining Poo

    A little boy asks his dad "Where does poo come from?" His father is taken aback by the question but decides to give his son the facts straight up.

    "Well son," he says, "food passes down the esophagus by peristalsis. It enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal. This contracts the protein before waste enters the colon. Water is absorbed, whereupon it enters the rectum finally to emerge as poo."

    "Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?"
  • Nothing Negative Please

    Now a days teachers are not allowed to say or write anything negative... A few interesting letters from teachers to get around this.......

    Dear Parent,
    We are delighted to inform you that your child displays remarkable initiative. Not for him the simple-minded obedience to teachers. We refer to his admirable refusal to do homework. We have, however, humbly requested him to stoop to our level and condescend to do his homework. Your support is appreciated.

    Yours anxiously,
    Teacher


    Dear Parent,
    Your child's distaste for mundane subjects such as mathematics shows an imaginative mind. Why, he wonders, does the square of the hypotenuse have to be equal to the square of the other two sides in a right-angled triangle? It is no wonder that he has scored a splendid zero in his math exam. Unfortunately, even brilliant students have to pass exams. Could you gently break that news to him?

    Yours entreatingly,
    Teacher


    Dear Parent,
    We are pleased your child has one of the same qualities that Henry Ford, the founder of the Ford Motor Company, possessed. Like him, your son believes that history is bunk. But it may be best to disabuse him of the notion that the Mughal emperors were Amar, Akbar and Anthony.

    Yours beseechingly,
    Teacher


    Dear Parent,
    Your child submitted a blank paper for last week's science test, influenced perhaps by Albert Camus who said 'Whether the earth or the sun revolves around the other is a matter of profound indifference'. Your son shares that profound indifference, undoubtedly for philosophical reasons. But could you inform him that in order to study philosophy, he has to pass class eight first?

    Yours plaintively,
    Teacher


    Dear Parent,
    Your son has obviously read Friedrich Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil, which is why he was copying from the boy next to him during yesterday's test. Like Nietzsche, he believes that Supermen like him have little use for conventional notions of morality. The teacher who caught him copying is a conventional type who gave him a zero.

    Yours desperately,
    Teacher


    Dear Parent,
    We are impressed by your child's knowledge of martial arts. In the past month, he has broken two legs, four arms and three noses. He also shows prudence while fighting, taking care to pick on weaker boys. For some reason, however, the fathers of the boys who were beaten up are planning to go to your home with hockey sticks.

    Yours wretchedly,
    Teacher
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT