|To my darling husband,|
Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway.
Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.
I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.
The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your Ferrari.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me.
You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.
I am enclosing a picture for you.I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife
P.S. Your Girlfriend called.
|The new librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time.|
Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out.
The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.
Before the librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "That other librarian we had could write."
|Two old Jewish men waking down the street and they see a sign in front of a church: Become a Christian today! Earn $100!|
So the one guy Abe, says, "100 bucks. hmmm. I think I'll do it. I could use the money."
His friend Izzy says, "How could you do that ? You're a Jew. You been one all your life."
Abe says, "So what. It's just a label. I'm doing it!"
And he walks across the street and into the church. He returns 20 minutes later and Izzy says, "So did you do it?"
Abe says, "Yup. I'm a Christian."
And izzy asks, "Well did they give you the hundred dollars?"
To which Abe shakes his head in disgust and says, "That's the trouble with you Jews. All you think about is money!"
|At a wedding ceremony the priest asked if there was anyone who had any reason why the marriage shouldn't go on, it was time to stand up and speak, or forever hold his or her peace.|
The moment of utter silence was interrupted by a young beautiful woman carrying a baby. She started slowly walking toward the pastor. Everything quickly turned to chaos.
The bride slapped the groom and stormed out of the church.
The groom's mother fainted.
The groomsmen and brides maids ran away in all directions.
The priest asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"
The woman replied, "I can't hear anything from the back.... so am moving to the front seats."