• Blind Pilots!

    An airliner is fully boarded and ready to push-off from the gate, when two blind pilots enter the main cabin.

    The pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.

    The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport.

    As it begins to look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

    In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "Ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."
  • Scientists' Reunion

    Greatest scientists of all times were invited to a reunion...

    Isaac Newton said he'd drop in.

    Socrates said he'd think about it.

    Georg Ohm resisted the idea.

    Robert Boyle said he was under too much pressure.

    Charles Darwin said he'd wait to see what evolved.

    Pierre and Marie Curie radiated enthusiasm.

    Alessandro Volta was electrified at the prospect.

    Ivan Pavlov positively drooled at the thought.

    Andre-Marie Ampere was worried he wasn't current.

    John James Audubon said he'd have to wing it.

    Thomas Edison thought it would be illuminating.

    Albert Einstein said it would be relatively easy to attend.

    Archimedes was buoyant at the thought.

    Dr Jekyll declined - he said he hadn't been feeling himself lately.

    Samuel Morse said, "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."

    Carl Friedrich Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetism.

    Heinrich Hertz said he planned to attend with greater frequency in the future.

    James Watt thought it would be a good way to let off steam.

    Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.

    And Dr. Sigmund Freud couldn't help but give it the slip!
  • Pray and Hit

    A young man and a priest are golfing together.

    At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?"

    The young man says, "An 8-iron, Father. How about you?"

    The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

    The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.

    The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

    The young man says, "I don't know about you, Father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down."
  • Archery Contest

    Once upon a time there was an archery contest.

    The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position...
    He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow which finds the center of the target.
    Then he takes of his cape and screams:
    I AM...... ROBIN HOOD!!!
    The crowd cheers!

    The second archer with a cape lines up in position.
    He fires his arrow which hits the center and cuts robin hood's arrow into two!
    He takes off his cape and screams:
    I AM...... WILLIAM TELL!!!!
    The crowd cheers!!

    Finally, a third man in cape lines up in position...
    He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!!!
    It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!!
    Then the man takes off his cape and screams:
    I AM...... SORRY!!!
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