|A man is sitting reading his newspaper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.|
"What was that for?" he asks.
"That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name 'Mary Ellen' written on it," she replies.
"Don't be silly," he says, "Two weeks ago when I went to the races. Mary Ellen was the name of one of the horses I bet on."
His wife seemed satisfied at this and apologized.
Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.
When he comes around he asks, "What was that for?"
"Your frickin' HORSE phoned!"
|A middle-aged woman enters her family doctor's office in a frantic state. She says, "Doctor, I think I'm turning into a horse!"|
The doctor, taken aback, replies, "I'm sure you may have some problem, but I assure you no human has ever turned into a horse."
The woman became more insistent and said, "Doctor, look at my teeth. They're getting bigger and more yellow!"
The doctor calmly replied, "Yes, I see. Your teeth appear a bit larger and more yellow than your last visit, but I don't think you're turning into a horse."
Getting more frustrated, the woman said, "Well, I think I'm getting a mane! Look at all this hair on the back of my neck. It's grown 5 inches in one week!"
Becoming more concerned, the doctor said, "You're not turning into a horse. We'll just shave your neck occasionally."
At this point the woman became considerably frustrated, speaking faster and louder, "Just look at my finger and toe nails! They've become very thick and big. I'm developing hooves!"
The doctor in amazement cried, "Holy cow! I've never seen finger and toe nails that big!"
Then the woman pulls up the back of her skirt and said, "And look at this, doctor. My backbone is protruding significantly from my butt!"
The doctor looked in amazement, then started scribbling on a small piece of paper.
The woman asked, "Are you writing me a prescription?"
The doctor said, "No. I'm writing a memo to my brother-in-law. He works at City Hall. Take this to him and he'll give you a permit to take a dump in the street!"
|A lumber camp advertises for a lumberjack. A skinny Canadian guy shows up at the camp the next day carrying an axe. The head lumberjack takes one look at the puny little guy and tells him to get lost.|
"Give me a chance to show you what I can do," says the skinny guy.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" says the head lumberjack. "Take your silly axe and cut it down."
The guy heads for the tree, and in five minutes there is a mighty crash. The giant redwood is down, just barely missing the lumberjack's door.
"I cut the tree down," says the guy.
The lumberjack can't believe his eyes and says, "Where did you learn to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Sahara Forest," says the puny man.
"You mean the Sahara Desert," says the lumberjack.
"Sure...... That's what they call it now!"
|After the closing ceremony of Rio 2016, Alia Bhatt called up Navjot Singh Siddhu and said: Ek Cricketer Hokar Bhi Aapne Badminton Mein Silver Medal Jeet Liya. Hats off to you SIDDHU Sir... Tussi Great Ho! Best wishes!!!|
Siddhu has stopped laughing.
Then she called up M.S. Dhoni and said: Wah! Husband Cricket Mein World Cup Laya Aur Ab Wife Olympic Mein Bronze Medal... Aur Woh Bhi Wrestling Mein. Congrats to SAKSHI...
Dhoni is thinking to take retirement from ODIs also now.
Yet not over...
She called up director Ketan Mehta and said: DEEPA Ji Thode Ke Liye Reh Gayi.... Varna Gymnastics Mein Bhi India Ko Medal Mil Jaata. Congrats for having such a flexible wife. Better luck next time Ketan Ji.
Ketan Mehta is in ICU now.