• Santa-Jeeto Jokes

    Khaana Khaate Huye Santa Ne Jeeto Ko Aawaz Lagaai Aur Pucha: Bhagyawan...! Yeh Jo Tumne Sabji Banaai Hai Ise Kya Kehte Hain?
    Jeeto: Kyun, Kisliye Poochh Rahe Ho?
    Santa: Arrey Bhai Mujhse Bhi Toh Swarg Mein Poochha Jayega Ki Kya Kha Ke Mare The?

    Ek Baar Santa Aur Jeeto Chori Ke Topic Par Baat Kar Rahe The.
    Santa: Jo Insan Chori Karta Hai, Wo Baad Mein Zaroor Pachhtaata Hai.
    Jeeto (Romantic Mood Mein): Aur Tumne Jo Shaadi Se Pehle Meri Neendein Churaai Thi Unke Baare Mein Kya Khayal Hai?
    Santa: Keh Toh Raha Hoon, Jo Chori Karta Hai Wo Baad Mein Pachhtata Zaroor Hai.

    Ek Baar Jeeto Ne Santa Se Pucha: Agar Main Aapko 2-3 Din Na Dikhoon Toh Aapko Kaisa Lagega??
    Santa Se Khushi Ke Maare Raha Nahi Gaya Aur Usne Bhi Bol Diya: Bahut Achcha Lagega.
    Jeeto Ko Bada Gussa Aaya... Bas Phir Kya Tha....
    Jeeto Monday Ko Nahi Dikhi.
    Tuesday Ko Nahi Dikhi.
    Wednesday Ko Nahi Dikhi.
    Thursday Ko Bhi Nahi Dikhi.
    Aur Phir Friday Ko Jab Santa Ki Aankh Ki Soojan Zara Si Kam Huyi Toh Thodi Thodi, Dhundli Si Dikhai Di.

    Santa Ki Wife Ka Baby Hone Wala Thha So Hospital Mein Admit Thhi.
    Nurse: Mubarak Ho Aap Ke Ghar Ladka Paida Hua Hai.
    Santa: Wah Ji Wah Kya Technology Hai, Biwi Meri Hospital Hai, Aur Bachcha Mere Ghar Paida Hua Hai.
  • Funny Travel Complaints

    These are actual complaints received by Thomas Cook vacations from dissatisfied customers:

    1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."

    2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."

    3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."

    4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."

    5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."

    6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."

    7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."

    8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."

    9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."

    10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

    11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."

    12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."

    13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."

    14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."

    15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."

    16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."

    17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

    18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."

    19. "My fiancee and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."
  • Life is Difficult

    Mr Jones drove his secretary home after she had had a little too much to drink at their new year's office party. She was sooooo drunk.

    Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife who was an insanely jealous and suspicious woman.

    Later that night, Mr. Jones and his wife were in the car when he spotted a high-heeled shoe under the passenger seat.

    While his wife wasn't looking, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window.

    Later, as they got out of the car, his wife asked, "Honey, have you seen my other shoe?

    Life of a husband is so difficult...
  • Sweeper at Microsoft

    A jobless man applied for the job of "Sweeper" at Microsoft.

    The HR interviewed him. Then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

    "You are Appointed" he said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the forms to fill in."

    The man replied, "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

    "I'm sorry," said the HR manager...

    "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

    The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a Door to Door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.

    The man realised that he can survive this way, and started to go everyday earlier and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.

    He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life Insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.

    When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email."

    The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!"

    The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an 'Sweeper' at Microsoft!"

    Moral of the story:
    1) Internet/email/bbm/whatsapp is not the solution to your life.
    2) If you don't have facebook a/c., internet/email/bbm/whatsapp , and work hard, you can be a millionaire.