• A Skydiving Tip

    I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On our first day of training, the instructor made an important point about preparing for landing at 300 feet.

    "How do you know when you're at 300 feet?" asked one woman.

    "A good question," replied the instructor. "At 300 feet you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

    The woman thought about this for a while before saying, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"
  • Time to Get a Vasectomy

    One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"

    "Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."

    "That's a big decision! Have you talked it over with your family?"

    "Yeah, we took a vote... and they're in favor of it 15 to 2."
  • Starting a Family

    According to my mother, she and Dad decided to start a family soon after he became an officer in the Air Force.

    When months went by without success, they consulted the base physician, who chose to examine Mom right then and there.

    "Please disrobe," he told her.

    "With him in the room??" she yelled, pointing to my father.

    Turning to Dad, the doctor said, "Captain, I think I found the problem."
  • Teach Him a Lesson

    A carload of hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmers yard. The driver went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt.

    The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor? That old mule standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her. Would you do it for me?"

    The hunter said, "Sure," and headed for the car.

    While walking back, however, he decided to pull a trick on his hunting buddies.

    He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer had said OK, he said, "No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old cuss a lesson."

    With that, he rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and blasted the mule.

    As he exclaimed, "There, that will teach him!" a second shot rang out from the passenger side.

    And, one of his hunting buddies shouted, "I got the cow!"