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Belief & Faith
Belief & Faith

One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town.

On a hot and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home, pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for sending rain."

The people did as they were told and returned to church the following Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious...!

"We can't worship today. You do NOT yet believe," he said.

"But," they protested, "we prayed, and we do believe!"

"Believe???" he responded. "Then where are your umbrellas???"

Warm Lover

John was talking to his fiancée, Rebecca, and he said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"

To which she replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm."

"Really?" he said excitedly.

"Yes, in fact I would say that you're the dictionary definition of the word 'warm'."

John was pleased until he went home and, just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, "WARM: Not so hot."

Big Fart
Big Fart

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen.

They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses.

As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity.

Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.

Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation.

She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control."

Bush replied, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses."

Airlines Acronyms Explained

Alitalia : Airplane Landed In Tokyo And Luggage In Atlanta
Alitalia : Always Late In Take-off Always Late In Arrival
American : Airline Meals Eaten Regularly Induces Cramps and Nausea
Delta : Don`t Ever Leave The Airport
El Al : Every Landing Always Late
IA : Inmform Allah
PIA : Please Inform Allah
AI : Allah Informed
Olympic : Onassis Likes Your Money Paid In Cash
Sabena : Such A Bad Experience - Never Again
TAP : Take Another Plane
TWA : That Was Awful

Quotes

Love is a serious mental disease.

Trivia

When the moon is directly overhead, we weigh slightly less.

Graffiti

Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law.