• Can't Outsmart a Rancher

    A wise old Texas rancher went to town to trade for a pickup truck he saw advertised in the paper for an unbelievably low price. After showing the salesman which truck he wanted, they sat down to do the paperwork.

    The salesman handed the rancher the keys and the bill, to which the Texas rancher angrily declared, "This ain't the price I saw!"

    The salesman went on to tell the wise old Texas rancher how he was getting extras such as power brakes, power windows, special tires, etc. and that made the final price higher.

    The Texas rancher wanted only that truck and no other, so he begrudgingly paid the price and drove it home. A few months later, the salesman called the Texas rancher.

    "My son is in 4-H and he needs a cow for a project. Do you have any good cows for sale"?

    "Yep, I've a few good cows priced to sell at $500 each. Come on out and take your pick."

    The salesman said he and his son would be right out.

    After spending a few hours in the field checking out all the rancher's cows, they decided on one and the salesman proceeded to write a check for $500.

    "Now, wait a minute, that's not the final price of the cow. You're gettin' extras and you have to pay for those, too!"

    "What extras"? asked the salesman.

    "I think you'll find all you're gettin' listed here!"

    Basic Cow: $500.00
    Two Tone Exterior: $45.00
    Extra Stomach: $75.00
    Product Storing Equipment: $60.00
    Straw Compartment: $120.00
    Four Spigots at $10 each: $40.00
    Leather Upholstery: $125.00
    Dual Horns: $45.00
    Automatic Fly Swatter: $38.00
    Fertilizer Attachment: $185.00

    Grand Total: $1,233.00
  • Understanding Engineers

    Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.

    A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

    "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

    The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

    One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
  • Drunken Driving

    2 Dost Daaru Pee Ke Apni Gaadi Se Gahr Jaa Rahe The.

    Tabhi Ek Dost Chillaya, "Deewar... Abbe Samne Dekh Deewar Hai.... Deewar... Dewaar Dekh Kamine......"

    Aur Itne Mein... Dhadaaaaam!!!!

    They Hit The Wall.

    The next day in the Hospital 1st asked 2nd, "Mein Chilla chilla Ke Bol Raha Tha Deewar Hai Deewar Hai... Suna Kyun Nahi Tu Ne??? Peene Ke Baad Agar Drive Nahin Kar Sakta Toh Batana Chahiye Tha Yaar!!!"

    2nd answered him, "Abe Bewde...... Gaadi Tu Chala Raha Tha...!!!"
  • Peg After Peg

    I never take risk while drinking.
    When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking,
    I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen,
    I stealthily enter the house,
    Take out the bottle from my black cupboard,
    Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame,
    But still no one is aware of it,
    Becoz I never take a risk.

    I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink,
    Quickly enjoy one peg,
    Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack,
    Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard,
    Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile.

    I peep into the kitchen,
    Wife is cutting potatoes,
    No one is aware of what I did,
    Becoz I never take a risk.

    I: Any news on Iyer's daughter's marriage?
    Wife: Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking out for her.

    I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard,
    But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle,
    I take out the glass from the old rack above sink,
    Quickly enjoy one peg.

    Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink,
    Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard,
    But still no one is aware of what I did,
    Becoz I never take a risk.

    I: But still I think Iyer's daughter's age is not that much.
    Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old... like an aged horse.
    I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh...

    I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard,
    But the cupboard's place has automatically changed,
    I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the sink,
    Shivaji Maharaj laughs loudly.
    I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji Maharaj's photo & keep it in the black cupboard.
    Wife is keeping the sink on the stove,
    But still no one is aware of what I did,
    Becoz I never take a risk.

    I: (getting angry) you call Mr. Iyer a horse? If you say that again, I will cut your tongue...!
    Wife: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly...

    I take out the bottle from the potatoes,
    Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg,
    Wash the sink and keep it over the rack,
    Wife is giving a smile.

    Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking,
    But still no one is aware of what I did,
    Becoz I never take a risk.

    I: (laughing) So Iyer is marrying a horse!!!
    Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...

    I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack,
    Stove is also on the rack,
    There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside.
    I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink,
    But none of the horses are aware of what I did,
    Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk.

    Iyer is still cooking,
    And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing,
    Becoz I never take what???