• The Blind Clerk

    A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a store employee standing there with dark shades on.

    She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

    He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."

    She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

    He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line... It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00."

    She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."

    He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her... being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

    He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

    She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"

    He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"
  • Complete & Finished!

    Can any one say the difference between complete and finished?

    No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished.'

    However, in a linguistic conference, held in London England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clever winner. His final challenge was this.

    Some say there is no difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.

    His response was: When you marry the right woman, you are 'Complete.'
    If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'Finished.'

    And, when the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you are 'Completely Finished.'

    His answer received a five minute standing ovation.
  • Smart Police Officer

    A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

    So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

    The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything. When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to The 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.

    The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"

    Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

    Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"

    Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

    Lawyer, "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"

    "Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."

    "What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"

    "Aggressive and hostile, Sir."

    "Aggressive and hostile?"

    "Yes, Sir.

    "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"

    "Well, sir, you know your client better than I do."

    How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client.
  • Wrong Sign Board!

    Ek Ghane Jungle Se Gujarti Hui Sadak Ke Kinaare Ek Gyani Guru Apne Chele Ke Saath Ek Signboard Lagaa Kar Baithe Huye The, Jis Par Likha Thaa:
    Thahariye... Aapka Ant Nikat Hai ! Is Se Pehle Ki Bahut Der Ho Jaaye, Rukiye !!! Hum Aapka Jeevan Bacha Sakte Hain !

    Ek Car Badi Tezi Se Wahaan Se Gujri. Chele Ne Driver Ko Board Padhne Ke Liye Ishaara Kiya.

    Car Driver Ne Board Kee Taraf Dekhkar Aur Gaali Dee Aur Chele Se Yah Kahte Hue Nikal Gaya: Tum Log Yahan Jungle Mein Bhi Dhandha Kar Rahe Ho. Sharam Aani Chaahiye Tumko!

    Chele Ne Badi Asahaye Nazron Se Guruji Ki Taraf Dekhta Hai.

    Guruji Bole: Jaise Prabhu Ki Ichchha !

    Kuchh Hi Der Mein Brakes Ke Cheekhne Kee Aawaaz Aayi Aur Jordaar Dhamaaka Hua.

    Thodi Der Baad Ek Mini Truck Wahaan Se Gujra. Uska Driver Bhi Chele Ko Dutkarte Hue Aage Chalaa Gaya.

    Kuchh Samay Ke Baad Phir Brakes Ke Cheekhne Kee Aawaaz Aur Fir Dhadaam !

    Guruji Phir Bole: Jaisi Prabhu Kee Ichchha !

    Ab Chele Se Nahi Rahaa Gaya Aur Bola: Guruji Prabhu Ki Ichchha Toh Theek Hai Par Kaisa Rahe Yadi Ham Is Board Par Seedhe-Seedhe Likh Dein Ki: