• Gold Watch!

    A judge was instructing the jury that because a witness changed his statement after giving it to the police, he should not necessarily be regarded as untruthful.

    "For example," the judge said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was certain that I had my gold watch in my pocket, then I remembered that I had left it on my nightstand in my bedroom."

    When the judge arrived home that evening, his wife asked, "Why so much urgency for your watch? Don't you think sending three men to pick it up for you was a bit extreme?"

    "What?" exclaimed the judge. "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"
    "I gave it to the first one," replied his wife, "after all, he knew exactly where it was."
  • In continuation of what Rishi Kapoor said...

    Dear Jovial John,
    Welcome Home !

    Get off at Indira Gandhi International airport. Tell the driver to take Mahatma Gandhi road and turn left on Nehru road.

    As you come to Jawahar Chowk, take a right from the signal at Indira Gandhi Pratishthan. The road will take you straight to Rajiv Gandhi Sabhagrih from where you can come to Moti Lal Nehru park...

    Exactly opposite that is the Kamla Nehru Kreeda Kendra, which is facing Sanjay Gandhi Memorial building.

    Just a little ahead you will find Vijaya Laxmi Pandit library. I am opposite that -in the Society named Indira Awaas.

    If you lose your way just ask the Congress Party office at the turning of Sanjay Gandhi Memorial and they will guide you to my building-Indira Awaas...!!
  • Cleaning Chickens

    Third grade teacher Miss Crabtree said to little Johnny, "You're late again, Johnny, for the third time this month."

    Little Johnny said, "It's not my fault, Miss Crabtree. The reason I'm three hours late is because my Daddy sleeps naked."

    Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some years. She asked little Johnny what he meant, despite her mounting fears. Little Johnny and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth.

    Johnny said, "Miss Crabtree, we have a coyote that's been coming to our ranch. The past few nights it killed and ate three hens and it also killed Mom's best milk goat!"

    Little Johnny went on, "Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken coop, he grabbed his shotgun and told Mom that th\he coyote was back and he was going to get him! He told all us kids to stay back!"

    Johnny continued, "There he was, naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants and no shirt! He crawled right up to the chicken coop and stuck that double barrel right through the window."

    Little Johnny said, "As he stared into the dark coop with the coyote on his mind, our old hound dog, Buddy, snuck up behind Daddy. Then as we all looked on plumb helpless; old Buddy stuck his cold nose in Daddy's crack!

    "Miss Crabtree, we all been cleanin` chickens since three o'clock this morning!"
  • Imported Perfumes

    Once Jeeto was riding in a fancy hotel's elevator.

    On the second floor, a young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She smoothed down the skirt of her hot pink dress, looks down at Desi Jeeto, raises her nose snootily, and arrogantly says: Giorgio Armani, $150 an ounce.

    Just as she speaks, the elevator opens and a glamorous former supermodel, age 45 steps on. She's draped in a mink stole and wears tall leather boots from Italy. She hears what the younger woman has said to Jeeto and flips her hair and boasts: Chanel, $200 an ounce.

    About two floors later, Jeeto has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she stops, turns around, making eye-contact with the two snotty women, and then she promptly bends over, farts... and says: Mooli... 10 Rs per kg...