• Olympic Athletes

    An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were trying to get in to see the Olympics without tickets. So they got to the stadium during one of the main events and discussed how they would be able to attend without paying.

    The Englishman walked around the stadium and saw a pole lying on the ground and picked it up. He walked to the entrance and said, "Peter. England. Pole throwing."

    The guards let him in without hesitation.

    While walking, the Scotsman sees a manhole. He picks up the cover, carries it under his arm to the entrance and says, "McGregor. Scotland. Discus throwing."

    The guards let him in also.

    The Irishman is very frantic, since both his friends are now inside. He walks around the stadium and finds a roll of barbed wire. He picks it up, walks to the entrance and says, "Murphy... Ireland... Fencing."
  • Bigger Chicken Breasts

    The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher.

    "Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."

    Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom over the public-address system... "Will the gentleman who was looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."
  • You're Going to Die!

    A tourist asked a boat guide: Do you know Psychology, Geography, Geology and Criminology?

    The Guide said 'No' to all the questions.

    The Tourist then said: Idiot!!! You will die of Illiteracy.

    Suddenly the boat started sinking and the Guide asked the Tourist: Do you know Swimology... Escapology away from Crocrodielogy?

    The Tourist said: No.

    The Guide Said: Today you will Drowncology... Crocodielogy will eat your Bodycology... and you will Diecology because of your bad Mouthocology.
  • Perfect Marriage Material

    Pappu is 33 years old and still single. One day, a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

    Pappu replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

    His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution. Just find a girl who's just like your mother."

    A few months later, they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

    With a frown on his face, Pappu answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

    The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

    Pappu replied, "Now my father doesn't like her."
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