• Ski Trip

    Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing.

    Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him. Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire.

    Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned, a rescue team was sent to search for him. After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate.

    Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled, "Mr. Jacobson, are you there? It's the Red Cross."

    Bristling, the harried executive called back, "Get lost. I gave at the office!"
  • A Trip to Israel

    A Jewish businessman in America decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.

    The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity."

    "Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?"

    He decided to go ask his friend Jacob what to do.

    Jacob said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do."

    So they went to see the Rabbi. The Rabbi said, "Funny you should ask.I too sent my son to Israel. He also came back a Christian. What is happening to our young people? Perhaps we should go talk to God and ask him what to do."

    The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons and asked God what to do. Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven.

    The Voice said, "funny you should ask, I too sent my son to Isreal..."
  • Doctors & Diagnosis

    A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring . The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds , so the community could become used to a new doctor.

    At the first house , a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."

    The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick ?"

    As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman ? How do you come to the diagnosis so quickly ?"

    "I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick."

    The younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house."

    Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."

    "You've probably been doing too much for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

    As they left , the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is most certainly correct, she's very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?"

    "I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the pastor under the bed.
  • Why I Quit Golfing

    A page from husband's diary...

    Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, grabbed my golf bag, tried not to wake my wife, sneaked quietly into garage & proceeded to back out into.... a torrential rain ! Wind was blowing at 50 mph.

    I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio & discovered that the weather would be bad through out the day.

    Disappointed I went back into the house,quietly undressed, and sneaked back into bed.

    There I cuddled up to my wife's back& whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

    My beautiful and loving wife replied, "I know... and can you believe my stupid husband is out there playing golf in that terrible weather !"

    I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped playing golf.