Random Jokes

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Confession ?

Tommy enters the confessional box and says. . .
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy ?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"Sure and I can`t be tellin` you, Father. I don`t want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I`m sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia ?"
"I`ll never tell." "Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I`m sorry, but I`ll not name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed." "Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You`re a steadfast lad, Tommy, and I admire that. But you`ve sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What`d you get?"
"Five good leads," says Tommy.

Car N sarkar1

Banta was the official driver of a minister.
Once the minister asked him, "Banta let me drive the car today."
Banta: "Sirji, it is a car and not the sarkar (government) which anyone can drive.

Facebook Freak!

Teacher: Tum bade hokar kya karoge?
Student: Facebooking Karunga !!

Teacher: Nahi, mera matlab hai kya banoge?
Student: Facebook pages ka Admin banunga.

Teacher: Ohoo, I mean bade hokar kya hasil karoge?
Student: Facebook Admin Rights.

Teacher: IDIOT! Mera matlab bade ho kar mummy papa ke liye kya karoge?
Student: Facebook par Page bnaunga 'I MOM & DAD'

Teacher: Stupid tumhare papa tumse kya chahte hain ?
Student: Mere Facebook ka Pasword.

Teacher: Oh God, tumari zindagi ka kya maksad hai?
Student: Facebook, but never Face your Book.

Fishing License
Fishing License

Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.

The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"

Banta replies, "Don't need a license, this is my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" the officer asked.

Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."

"That's a bunch of baloney, fish can't do that."

Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"

Very curious now, the officer says, "O.K. I've got to see this"

Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.

After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"

"Well, What?" Banta says.

The Officer asks, "Are you going to call your fish back?"

"Fish! What fish?" Banta responds.

Quotes

A true friend freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably.

Trivia

Mary Gibbs (voice of Boo in Monsters Inc.) was too young to sit to record her lines, so they followed her around with a mike.

Graffiti

The old songs are best because nobody sings them any more.