Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother.
Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind, sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear... I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.
Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Dewey said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?"
"Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it."
"I tried," Dewey sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?"
"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family."
Thanking the Priest, Dewey hurried off.
When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.
A guy sitting in a bar is really looking nervous. Every time the door opens he jumps. Every time there is a noise he cringes.
The bartender after watching this for an hour finally goes over and asks, "What's the matter with you?"
"Well I received a letter today that said if I didn't stop fooling around with his wife he was gonna shoot me."
For heaven's sake, Why don't you just stop fooling around with his wife?"
Came the reply, "I would but he didn't sign his name!!"
A wealthy American tourist checks into an Irish hotel. Upon his arrival the tiny reception area becomes filled with not only suitcases, but golf clubs, golf shoes, golf umbrellas and several boxes of golf balls.
"Surely now, sir," cried the manager eyeing the baggage with alarm, "there must be some mistake. We`ve no golf course you see and you`ll be finding there`s not one within miles of the place."
"Well now, that`s no problem," replied the tourist. "I`m having one sent over with my heavy baggage."