Just after Santa got married, he was invited out for a night with the friends.
So Santa told his wife, Jeeto that he would be home by midnight.
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy, so at around 2.30 AM Santa was drunk as a skunk, and headed for home.
After about half an hour just as Santa got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly he realized she`d probably wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. Santa was really proud of himself, having a quick witty solution, even when smashed.
Next morning his wife, Jeeto asked him what time he got in and he told her 12 o`clock.
She didn`t seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.
When Santa asked her why, Jeeto said, "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said `oh crap,` cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it`s throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more and then farted."
After working his farm every day, an old farmer rarely had time to enjoy the large pond in the back that he had fixed up years earlier with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and benches. So one evening he decided to go down and see how things were holding up.
Much to his surprise, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a group of young women skinny dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave."
The old farmer replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked. I only came down to feed the alligator."
When some doctors were told to contribute to the construction of a new wing at a hospital, The allergists voted to scratch it.
The dermatologists preferred no rash moves.
The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.
The micro-surgeons were thinking along the same vein.
The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.
The obstetricians stated they were laboring under a misconception.
The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.
The orthopedists issued a joint resolution.
The parasitologists said, "well, if you encyst".
The pathologists yelled, "over my dead body!"
The pediatricians said, "grow up".
The proctologists said, "we are in arrears".
The psychiatrists thought it was madness.
The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The radiologists could see right through it.
The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow.
The plastic surgeons said, "this puts a whole new face on the matter".
The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward.
The urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas.
The cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
And the otologists were deaf to the idea.
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me... your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."