After having failed his exam in “Logistics and Organization”, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student, “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”
Professor, “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”
Student, “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an 'A' for the exam.”
Professor, “Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?”
Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?”
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an 'A', as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers, “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an 'A', although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.”
There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came upwith a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field.
The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read: "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
The kids run off, made up their ownsign and posted it next to the farmer`s sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read:
"Now there are two!!!"
GOD created the DONKEY and told him, `You will work tireless from sunrise up to sunset, carrying heavy bags on your back, you will eat grass. You will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You will be a DONKEY!`
The DONKEY answered, `I will be a DONKEY, but living 50 years is too much, give me only 20 years!` and God gave him 20 years.
GOD created DOG and told him ` You will look after man`s house, you will be his best friend, you will eat whatever they give you and you will live 25 years, You will be a DOG.`
The DOG answered `GOD, living 25 years is too much, give only 10 years!` and GOD gave him 10 years.
GOD created the MONKEY and told him, `you will jump from branch to branch , you will do silly things, you will be amusing and you will live 20 years, you will be a MONKEY!`
The MONKEY answered ` GOD, living 20 years is too much , give me only 10 years!` and GOD gave him 10 years.
Finally GOD created MAN and told him, `you will be a MAN the only rational being on this earth and you will use your intelligence to control other animals, you will dominate the world and you will live for 20 years.
The MAN answered, GOD I will be a man but living 20 years is not enough, why don`t you give me the 30 years that the DONKEY refused, the 15 years that the DOG didn`t want and the 10 years that the MONKEY refused ?`
That was exactly what GOD did, and since then: MAN lives 20 years like a MAN, then he gets married and spends 30 years like a DONKEY, working and carrying the load on his back, then when his children leave he spends 15 years like DOG looking after the house and eating whatever is given to him. Then he gets old, retires and spends 10 years like a MONKEY, jumping from house to house or from children to children, doing silly things to amuse his grandchildren.
An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving
when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma`am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!" The woman gave him her license.
The patrolman said, "I see you are from Texas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I`ve ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He thinks he knows you!"