Random Jokes

Universal Jokes > Random Jokes
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Why Parents Should Not Text...

Mom: Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean..?
Son: I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later..!
Mom: It's ok, don't worry about it...I'll ask your Sister, Love you too..!

Dad: Son, I have a Facebook account now... accept my friend request..!
Son: You're on Facebook now..? WTF..!!!
Dad: What does WTF mean..?
Son: Ohhh...It means, Welcome To Facebook, Dad.

Mom: Son, your grandmother passed away an hour ago. LOL!
Son: How is that funny, mom..?
Mom: What do you mean, Peter... surely it is not funny..!
Son: Mom, LOL means: Laugh Out Loud..!
Mom: Oh, No! I thought it meant: Lots Of Love... I'll have to call everyone back and explain xU xQ ..!!!

Stand apart!

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
Said and done, the next time God looked the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.
God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?
And the man replied, "I don t know, my wife told me to stand here"

I'm Sorry!

Ek Budha ek ladki se takra gaya.

Budha ladki se bola: Sorry...

Ladki: Andha hai kya..... Dikhta nahi hai... Is umar mein bhi ye sab... Pata nahin kahan se aa jaate hain!!!

Yeh bolkar jaise hi woh ladki aage badhi, ek handsome sa ladka us se takra gaya.

Ladka: Sorry...

Ladki, sharmaate hue, "Koi baat nahin. it's okay!!!

Wo budha uncle ye sab dekh raha tha. Woh agey bada aur ladki se pucha: MERI SORRY KI SPELLING GALAT THI KYA??

Different Vacations
Different Vacations

Billy and Joe were talking one afternoon. Billy tells Joe, "You know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation."

He continues, "Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Eva got pregnant."

"Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Eva got pregnant again."

"Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Eva didn't get pregnant again."

Joe asks Billy, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Billy says, "This year I'm taking Eva with me."


You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.


To get maximum juice out of lemons:
Soak lemons in hot water for one hour, and then juice them.


Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.