The school teacher was taking the class in basic maths. She said to little Johnny, "If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many have you got?"
"Seven," replied Johnny.
"No, Johnny," explained the teacher. "That's not the right answer. Listen. If I give you two apples, then I add another two apples and another two apples after that, how many have you got?"
"Six," replied Johnny.
"That's right," said the teacher. "So, let's try again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many have you got?"
"Seven," replied Johnny.
"Seven!" wailed the teacher. "How do you get seven?"
"Because I've already got one rabbit at home!"
An airplane was flying from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced, "We have lost an engine, but don`t worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it will take 7 hours to get to New York."
A little later, the pilot announced, "A second engine failed, but we still have two left. However, it will take 10 hours to get to New York."
Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced, "A third engine had died. Never fear, because the plane can fly on a single engine. However, it will now take 18 hours to get to new York."
At this point, one passenger said, "Gee, I hope we don`t lose that last engine, or we`ll be up here forever!"
Santa: I'm in a big trouble!
Banta: Why is that?
Santa: I saw a mouse in my house!
Banta: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
Santa: I don't have one.
Banta: Well then, buy one.
Santa: Can't afford one.
Banta: I can give you mine if you want.
Santa: That sounds good.
Banta: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
Santa: I don't have any cheese.
Banta: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
Santa: I don't have oil.
Banta: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
Santa I don't have bread.
Banta: Then what the hell is that mouse doing at your house???
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband. For example...
A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say "hello"?"