• The Musical Octopus

    A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50.00 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."

    The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus picks it up, tunes the strings and starts playing. His owner pockets fifty bucks.

    Next comes a guy with a trumpet. The octopus takes the horn, wiggles the valves a few times, licks its lips and plays a fantastic jazz solo. His owner pockets another fifty bucks.

    The bartender disappears out back, returns a few moments later with a set of bagpipes, and says, "If your octopus can play that, I'll give you a hundred dollars."

    The octopus looks at the bagpipes, lifts them up, turns them over, and looks again from another angle.

    The puzzled octopus' owner interrupts his pet's concentration, and says, "Well? Are you going to play it or not?"

    The octopus says, "Play it? Hell! I'm trying to figure out how to take off its pajamas!"
  • The Indian Lion

    In the poor zoo of India, a lion was so much frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day.

    The lion thought it's prayers were answered when one of Saudi Arabia Zoo Manager visits the zoo and requests the zoo management to shift the lion to the Sauid Arabia Zoo.

    The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central AC environment, a goat or two every day and a Saudia residence permit also. On it's first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few peanuts. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.

    The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of peanuts was delivered.

    The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, "Don't you know I am the lion.... King of the Jungle..... What's wrong with your management? What nonsense is this? Why are you delivering peanuts to me?

    The delivery boy politely said, "Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but...... errr..... did you know that you have been brought here on a Monkey's visa!"
  • Bullshit!!!

    A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

    "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

    The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

    The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

    Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

    Moral of the Story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
  • Squirrels are Nuts!

    A pedestrian stepped off the curb to cross the street and a car suddenly came screaming around the corner and headed straight for him. He started to run, trying to get out of the way but the car changed lanes and was still coming at him.

    He turned around to go back to the curb but the car changed lanes again and was heading right for him. As the car approached, the man became so frightened that he froze and stopped in the middle of the road.

    At the last possible moment, the car swerved and screeched to a halt right beside him.

    The window rolled down and he was amazed to see that the driver was a large squirrel.

    The squirrel looked him up and down and said, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?"