• Blind as a bat!!!

    A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the cave`s roof to get some sleep. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.
    "OK, follow me."
    He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
    "Do you see that tree over there?" "YES, YES, YES!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
    "Well I didn`t!"
  • The comparison!

    Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter:
    First woman : My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for a paper boy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me.
    Second woman : I know
    First one : How?
    Second one : My dog told me.
  • The guilt!

    This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor`s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor`s house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.
    A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
    The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?"
    The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"
  • Poor turtle!

    Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.
    After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
    Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it`s time to tell him he`s adopted."