• Smart Panda!

    A Panda bear walks into a bar. Sits down at a table and orders a beer and a double cheeseburger. After he is finished eating, he pulls out a gun and rips the place with gunfire. Patrons scatter and dive under chairs and tables as the bear runs out the door. After ensuring that no one is hurt, the bartender races out the door, and calls after the bear
    "What the censored did you do that for?"
    The bear calls back, "I`m a Panda bear. Look it up in the dictionary."
    The bartender returns, pulls out his dictionary.

    Panda : \Pan"da\, n. (Zo["o]l.) A small Asiatic mammal (Ailurus fulgens) having fine soft fur. It is related to the bears, and inhabits the mountains of Northern India. Eats shoots and leaves.
  • The boss!

    A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says:
    "The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".
    "Why, does the parrot cost so much" asks the first man.
    The owner says, "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer".
    The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.
    Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question
    "What can it do?"
    To which the owner replies "To be honest, I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!".
  • Assinine aspirations!

    Two asses met in a market; one ass asked the other, ‘Why have you become so weak and sullen, doesn`t your owner treat you well?’
    The other ass replied, ‘No, my owner makes me work throughout the day and does not give me any food. He is very cruel.’
    The first ass said, ‘Why don t you leave his house and run away?’
    The other ass replied: ‘No, I shall not leave his house even if he tortures me, because my owner s daughter is very pretty. Whenever she does any mischief, my owner always abuses her saying that, "One day I will get you married to this donkey", I am waiting for that day to come.’
  • Mad Cow!

    These two cows are in standing in a field.
    One says "Hey, are you worried about that Mad Cow`s Disease?"
    The other one answers "Nah, it can`t affect me, I`m a rabbit."