• Intelligent dog !

    A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We`ve got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning."

    Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that."

    The wife responded, " But we`ve never subscribed to any papers!"
  • Sign language of a monkey !

    A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
    The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."
    The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
    "You can understand what I am saying?" asked the officer.
    Again, the monkey shook his head up and down."Well, did you see this?"
    "Yes," motioned the monkey.
    "What happened?"
    The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
    "They were drinking?" asked the officer.
    The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
    "What else?"
    The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
    "They were smoking marijuana?"The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
    "What else?"
    The monkey motioned "kissing."
    "They were kissiing, too?" asked the astounded officer.
    The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
    "Now wait, you are saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked."
    The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
    "What were you doing during all this?"
    "Driving" motioned the monkey.
  • Smart snakes!

    The Flood is over and the ark has landed. Noah lets all the animals out and says, "Go forth and multiply."
    A few months later, Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes. "What`s the problem?" says Noah.
    "Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes.
    Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how the trees helped?"
    "Certainly", say the snakes. "We`re adders, so we need logs to multiply."
  • Smart Panda!

    A Panda bear walks into a bar. Sits down at a table and orders a beer and a double cheeseburger. After he is finished eating, he pulls out a gun and rips the place with gunfire. Patrons scatter and dive under chairs and tables as the bear runs out the door. After ensuring that no one is hurt, the bartender races out the door, and calls after the bear
    "What the censored did you do that for?"
    The bear calls back, "I`m a Panda bear. Look it up in the dictionary."
    The bartender returns, pulls out his dictionary.

    Panda : \Pan"da\, n. (Zo["o]l.) A small Asiatic mammal (Ailurus fulgens) having fine soft fur. It is related to the bears, and inhabits the mountains of Northern India. Eats shoots and leaves.