|A man bought a kitten and tried to teach it to speak. Everyday for six years he taught it the alphabet.|
For hours and hours he'd say to the cat, "Repeat after me..." and then he would say a word, or a sentence.
He was eagerly waiting the day when the cat would repeat the words. But alas, the only thing the cat did for those six years was looking back at his teacher.
Then after six years, to his complete amazement, the cat said, "Look out, the roof is falling down!"
Completely flabbergasted, the man just stared at the cat.
Seconds later, he was crushed to death by the falling roof.
The cat shook his head and said, "For six years he tried so hard to get me to speak. Then, when I did, he wouldn't listen!"
|A crab and a lobster are secretly dating. Pretty soon, the lobster tires of the lying and tells her father, who then forbids her to see the crab anymore.|
"It'll never work, honey." he says to her. "Crabs walk sideways and we walk straight."
"Please," she begs her father. "Just meet him once. I know you'll like him."
Her father finally relents and agrees to a one-time meeting, and she runs off to share the good news with her crab sweetie.
The crab is so excited he decides to surprise his beloved's family. He practices and practices until he can finally walk straight!
On the BIG day, he walks the entire way to the lobster's house as straight as he can.
Standing on the porch, and seeing the crab walking towards him, the lobster dad yells to his daughter..... "I knew it! Here comes that crab and he's drunk!"
|Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spotted survivors of a ship that had just sunk.|
"Follow me son" the older father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise old father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"
|There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.|
So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him.
The driver rolls down the window. The driver is a dog. The dog says to the man, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?"