• Crossing the Road

    There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.

    So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him.

    The driver rolls down the window. The driver is a dog. The dog says to the man, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?"
  • How High Will They Go ?

    A kangaroo at the Sydney zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night. Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence.

    He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.

    They tore down the ten-foot fence and put up a fifteen-foot fence.

    He was out again the next morning.

    A twenty-foot fence was put up.

    Again he go out.

    When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"

    The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody thinks to lock the gate at night!"
  • The Musical Octopus

    A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50.00 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."

    The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus picks it up, tunes the strings and starts playing. His owner pockets fifty bucks.

    Next comes a guy with a trumpet. The octopus takes the horn, wiggles the valves a few times, licks its lips and plays a fantastic jazz solo. His owner pockets another fifty bucks.

    The bartender disappears out back, returns a few moments later with a set of bagpipes, and says, "If your octopus can play that, I'll give you a hundred dollars."

    The octopus looks at the bagpipes, lifts them up, turns them over, and looks again from another angle.

    The puzzled octopus' owner interrupts his pet's concentration, and says, "Well? Are you going to play it or not?"

    The octopus says, "Play it? Hell! I'm trying to figure out how to take off its pajamas!"
  • The Indian Lion

    In the poor zoo of India, a lion was so much frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day.

    The lion thought it's prayers were answered when one of Saudi Arabia Zoo Manager visits the zoo and requests the zoo management to shift the lion to the Sauid Arabia Zoo.

    The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central AC environment, a goat or two every day and a Saudia residence permit also. On it's first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few peanuts. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.

    The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of peanuts was delivered.

    The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, "Don't you know I am the lion.... King of the Jungle..... What's wrong with your management? What nonsense is this? Why are you delivering peanuts to me?

    The delivery boy politely said, "Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but...... errr..... did you know that you have been brought here on a Monkey's visa!"