|A guy walks in a bar, and buys a huge beer. Then he sees someone he knows, and decides to go and say hi to them, but he does not want to drag his beer mug with him.|
So he sets it on a table, along with a note "I spit in this beer" hoping that none will steal it then.
Upon return, he sees another note saying "Me too!"
|A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don`t try to fool me because I can tell the difference." |
The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says, "Bartender, this crap is 5-year scotch. I told you I want 12-year scotch."
The bartender tries once more with 8-year scotch. The man takes a sip, grimaces and says, "Bartender, I don`t want 8-year scotch like this filth. Give me 12-year scotch!"
Impressed, the bartender gets the 12-year scotch, the man takes a sip and sighs, "Ah, now that`s the real thing."
A disgusting, grimy, stinking drunk has been watching all this with great interest. He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and says, "Hey, I think that`s really far out what you can do. Try this one."
The man takes a sip and immediately spits out the liquid and cries, "Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!"
The drunk`s eyes light up and he says, "Yeah, now how old am I?"
|There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a down pour of thunder and rain, these two young guys ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing
and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.|
All of a sudden an old man`s face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window! The passenger screamed out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There`s an old guy`s face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!?) This old man kept knocking, so the driver said "well open the window a little and ask him what he wants!"
So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???"
The old man softly replied, "you have any tobacco?"
The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!"
"Well offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies.
So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror.
Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think of that?"
The driver says, "I don`t know? How could that be? I am going pretty fast?"
Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the old man again. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaa, there he is again!", the passenger yells.
"Well see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.
He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?"
"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.
The driver throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!"
They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking!
"Oh my God! HE`S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?" in stark terror.
The old man gently replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud?
|A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive thirty-year- old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him.|
Then, without pausing, he downs each one.
"Whew," the bartender remarks, "you seem to be in a hurry."
"You would be, too, if you had what I have."
"What do you have?" the bartender sympathetically asks.