|The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his
flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his
neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them.|
"Can`t you see, Ben," intoned the Parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?"
"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider.
"It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."
|An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending too much time at the pub, so one night he took her long. "What`ll ya have?" he asked.|
"Oh, I don`t know. The same as you, I suppose," she replied.
So the husband ordered a couple of whiskies, then threw his down in one gulp. His wife took a sip from her glass and immediately spit it out.
"Yuck, that`s nasty poison!" she sputtered. "I don`t know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you thought I was out enjoying myself every night!"
|A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets it and begins to drink it and notices the beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer. Then it it`s time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender, the guy throws 30 dimes behind the counter. The bartender is upset and is on his hands and knees collecting change as the guy leaves. The next day the man is back and he comes in waiving a $5 dollar bill.|
The bartender thinks: "Okay, business is business" and lets him in.
Again, The beer is kind of warm, but the guy doesn`t say anything. Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 bill. The bartender goes To the register to get the change, but instead of taking out two $1 dollar bills, he takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the entire pub.
The bartender says: "There is your bloody change!"
The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes out 10 dimes, throws them behind the counter and says: "Gimme another beer!"
|A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and wanders over to the confessional box. He opens the door, sits down and says nothing. The bewildered priest waits for a few minutes, allowing the drunken man some time to collect his thoughts. Growing impatient, the priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. |
Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin mate, there`s no toiletpaper in this one either."