• Paying in Coins

    A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets it and begins to drink it and notices the beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer.

    Then it is time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender the guy throws 30 dimes behind the counter.

    The bartender is pissed and is on his hands and knees collecting change as the guy leaves.

    The next day the man is back and he comes in waiving a $3 dollar bill.

    The bartender thinks, "Okay, business is business..." and lets him in. Again, the beer is kind of warm, but the guy doesn't say anything.

    Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 note.

    The bartender goes to the register to get the change, but instead of taking out two $1 dollar bills, he takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the entire pub. The bartender says, "There is your f**king change!"

    The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes out 10 dimes, throws them behind the counter and says, "Gimme another beer!"
    Bar
  • Cocktail For Big Ideas

    "What's that drink you're mixing" the stranger asked the bartender in the upscale Tex-Mex bar.

    "I call it a lil' Texas Shooter", said the bartender as he continued to mix up several batches of the drink.

    "What's in it ?" asked the stranger.

    "Sugar, milk and rum." said the barkeep.

    "Is it good ?" asked the man.

    "Sure is senor." said the bartender smiling. "The sugar gives you pep, and the milk gives you plenty of energy."

    "And the rum?" asked the stranger.

    "Hell man. That gives ya plenty of ideas what to do with all that pep and energy." quipped the bartender.
    Bar
  • Finding Jesus

    A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher.

    The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?"

    The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher... I sure am."

    The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.

    "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.

    "No, I didn't!" said the drunk.

    The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

    "No, I did not Reverend."

    The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My Good man, have you found Jesus yet?"

    The old drunk wipes his eyes and asks the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
    Bar
  • When You are Drunk

    Things that are difficult to say when drunk:
    1. Innovative
    2. Preliminary
    3. Proliferation
    4. Cinnamon

    Things that are very difficult to say when drunk:
    1. Specificity
    2. Anti-constitutionalistically
    3. Passive-aggressive disorder
    4. Transubstantiate

    Things that are downright impossible to say when drunk:
    1. No thanks, I'm married.
    2. Nope, no more booze for me!
    3. Sorry, but you 're not really my type.
    4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
    5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
    6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
    7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
    8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
    9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
    10. I must be going home now , as I have to work in the morning.
    Bar
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