• Confession?

    A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and wanders over to the confessional box. He opens the door, sits down and says nothing. The bewildered priest waits for a few minutes, allowing the drunken man some time to collect his thoughts. Growing impatient, the priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
    Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin mate, there`s no toiletpaper in this one either."
  • About the effects...

    A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died.
    "All right, son," asked the father, "what does that show you?"
    "Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."
  • Let`s start!

    A drunk was hauled into court. "Mister," the judge began, "You ve been brought here for drinking."
    "Great," the drunk exclaimed." When do we get started?"
  • Bar timings...

    At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunken guy asking what time the bar opens.
    "It opens at noon," answers the clerk.
    About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
    "What time does the bar open?" he asks.
    "Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.
    Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
    The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can`t wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
    "Oh! No... I don`t want to git in... Ah want to git OUT!!!"