• Fair is fair

    Two men started in a bar and then had a couple of drinks together.
    "Look", said one,"I want to treat you now, but I`ve no more money with me. I`ll just go back to my flat and gets some from my wife. Why don`t you amoe along.
    "Sure",said the other. The mans flat was just a few steps away, and they went up to the first floor. Inside it in full view, doors wide open` the man`s wife was in bed with another man. The acquaintance from the bar was shocked and embarrased, but the husband kept his cool.
    "Got some money?" he asked his wife.
    "Sure. Look in my purse. It`s over there on dresser."
    The husband did, found some, and motioning to his new friend led the way out back to the pub.
    "Two more of the same." He asked to the barkeeper.
    The second man was too amazed by what he`d seen to say a word.
    Finally he asked, "But what about the man in the bed?"
    "Oh, he can buy his own drink." said the husband
  • Half drunk!

    A man saw his friend limping badly as he came towards him. "Yaar, how did you get this injury to your leg?"
    "I did not have enough to drink," replied the other.
    "That does not make any sense! How can you hurt yourself by not having enough to drink?"
    "Very simple," replied his friend, "If I had been really and fully drunk, I would have fallen down at the shop. As I was half drunk, I tried to walk home, fell into a ditch and sprained my foot."
  • Military precision!

    Some ladies, who were determined to put an end to drinking in their colony, went to the house of a retired Army Officer one evening.
    "When did you last have a drink?" they asked
    "1945" replied the officer.
    "That is very good!" remarked the ladies very happily. "So you are a teetotaler now?"
    "I wouldn t call it exactly that," replied the officer, looking at his watch. "You see it is only 2015 now."
  • Don`t you have a bigger chicken?

    A meat counter clerk, who was drunk and had a particularly good day, proudly flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it.
    "That will be $6.35," he told the customer.
    "That really is a little too small," said the woman. "Don`t you have anything larger"
    Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the chicken to the refrigerator, paused a moment, then took it out again. "This one," he said faintly, "will be $6.65."
    The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision. "I know what," she said, "I`ll take both of them!"