• Compulsive Disorder

    A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder in the bartender's face.

    Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping, "I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this."

    Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see a psychoanalyst about his problem.

    "I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they come."

    The man wrote down the name of the doctor, thanked the bartender, and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being. Six months later, the man was back.

    "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the glass of white wine.

    "I certainly did," the man said. "I've been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week."

    He took a sip of the wine. Then he threw the remainder into the bartender's face. The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel.

    "The doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good," he spluttered.

    "On the contrary," the man said," he's done me a world of good."

    "But you just threw the wine in my face again!" the bartender exclaimed.

    "Yes," the man said. "But it doesn't embarrass me anymore!"
    Bar
  • The Practical People

    A Lady was conducting her anti drinking campaign outside a bar.

    A man came out of the Bar exuding alcohol fumes and the Lady said, "Reflect !! If you arrive at the Gates of Heaven with your breath smelling of liquor... Do you think the Lord will let you in ???"

    "My good woman," passionately holding her hand, said the man, "When I go to Heaven I expect to leave my breath behind.... !!!"

    Moral: Drinkers are practical people. Kindly Support them !!!!
    Bar
  • Condemned By a Nun

    A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.

    As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city's problems.

    Slightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said, "Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end of a long day I like a drink or two. That doesn't make me a bad person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass of scotch!"

    The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, "I see your point my son and I apologize if I offended you but the alcohol is such a powerful demon that all who consume it are doomed..."

    "Look there you go again," said the man, "How can you make such a sweeping statement. Have you ever even TRIED alcohol?"

    "Of course not!" gasped the nun, "The evil alcohol has never touched my lips."

    "Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate?"

    "Well, I really don't know...."

    "I'll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I'll buy you a drink. One drink. I'll prove to you that "evil" is not inside the glass, it's inside the person."

    "Oh I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it's out of the question.

    However, your comment about evil residing in the person rather than the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you've aroused a curiosity in me."

    "Well let's go inside and settle this"

    "No my son, I could never enter such a place... but how about this. Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this "scotch" you mentioned. Bring it out to me and I'll try it."

    "You're on!" said the guy.

    The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup. He went into the bar and said to the bartender, "Two scotch on the rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please"

    The bartender sighed and said, "Is that frickin' nun out there again!"
    Bar
  • Warm Beer!!!

    A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets it and begins to drink it and notices the beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer.

    Then it is time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender the guy throws 30 dimes behind the counter.

    The bartender is pissed and is on his hands and knees collecting change as the guy leaves.

    The next day the man is back and he comes in waiving a $3 dollar bill.

    The bartender thinks, "Okay, business is business," and lets him in. Again, the beer is kind of warm, but the guy doesn't say anything.

    Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 note.

    The bartender goes to the register to get the change, but instead of taking out two $1 dollar bills, he takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the entire pub. The bartender says, "There is your f*cking change!"

    The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes out 10 dimes, throws them behind the counter and says, "Gimme another beer!"
    Bar
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