|A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots."|
Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?"
The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks, "He can drink?"
"Oh, sure. He can drink."
So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
"That's amazing," says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?"
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that."
The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing," he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?"
The man says, "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!"
|Two guys are sitting at a bar. "You know why I love this bar?" asks the first one.|
"No," says the second guy. "Why do you love this bar?"
The first guy points at the window, which is six stories above the ground. "It has a magic window," he says. "You jump out of that window, and you can fly."
The second guy just shakes his head. "Shut up."
"No," says the first guy. "It really is a magic window. I'll prove it to you."
So the first guy gets down from his bar stool, runs at the window, jumps out of it, and flies. He flies around the building twice, up and down, and finally comes back in.
He walks to his barstool, and takes a sip of his drink. "See?" he says.
The second guy looks confused. He looks at his drink. "I must be drunk," he says.
"Still don't believe me?" asks the second guy. "I'll show you again."
He gets down from his stool, runs and jumps out of the window again. This time he performs some impressive aerial acrobatics, spins, flips, dives. When he finally comes back in, the second guy is staring at him, slack-jawed.
"Wow," says the second guy. "A magic window." He gets off his barstool, takes a running jump out of the window, and promptly plummets to his death. The first guy starts laughing.
The bartender comes over to the first guy with a stern look on his face. "Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk." Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/jokes-archive/2019/07/16/
|WORDS DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK|
WORDS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
WORDS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. I'm not interested in fighting you.
6. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance. I have no coordination and would hate to look like a real Fool!
7. Oh no, I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.
WORDS DAMN EASY TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. I love you.
2. Will you marry me.
3. Tu mera bhai hai, bhai.
4. Kal se daru band.
5. One for the road. Last peg.
Words to say in the morning.
1. I was a little high, but in my senses.
2. I think it was nakli whisky.
3. Someone spiked my drink.
4. Snacks kam the, isiliye....
|A man sits down on a bar stool and tells the bartender, "Pour me a drink before the trouble starts."|
The bartender looks puzzled, but pours him a drink. The man chugs it and says, "Pour me another drink before the trouble starts."
The bartender does and the man downs it as quickly as the first.
After a few more rounds, the bartender says, "Look pal, you've had five drinks and all you talk about is 'some trouble starting.' Just when is this trouble supposed to start?"
The man replies, "Just as soon as you discover I don't have the money to pay you for these drinks!"