• Heavy Drinker

    One day Lord shiva decided to visit the earth and try some alcohol. So he changed his get-up and went to a bar in Chandigarh and asked the bartender, "What all do you have".

    Bartender, "We have whiskey, rum, vodka, gin, beer..."

    Lord Shiva, "Let's try whiskey first, give me five bottles of whiskey."

    After having five bottles of whiskey, Lord shiva decided to try Rum.

    Bartender was shocked, "Who is this man, after having five bottles of whisky and he is still on his feet."

    After having five bottles of Rum, Shiva decided to have beer. After having fourty bottles of beer, he asked the bartender for Gin.

    Bartender couldn't stop himself asking him, "Sir, who are you?? I ve seen people getting drunk after having four glasses of whiseky, and you've almost had fifty bottles and you are still on your feet, who are you???"

    Lord Shiva, "Vats, Hum Bhagwaan Shiv hain."

    Bartender, "AB CHADHI ISKO!!!"
  • Fastest Turtle

    Fastest Turtle
    A guy comes walking into a bar with a little turtle in his hand. The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape.

    The bartender asks the man, "What's wrong with your turtle?"

    "Nothing", the man responds, "this turtle is very fast. Take your dog and let him stand at the end of the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog. I'll bet you 5000 bucks that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be there."

    So the bartender, thinking it's an easy 5000, agrees. He goes to the other side of the bar, and on the count of three calls his dog. Suddenly the guy picks up his turtle and throws it across the room, narrowly missing the bartender, and smashing into the wall.

    "Told you it'll be there before your dog."
  • A Puking Drunk

    A Puking Drunk
    A taxi driver goes to a bar to pick up his fare, a really drunk guy who has been in the bar way too long.

    After giving directions back to his house, he and the taxi driver are talking.

    The drunk guy leans forwards and says, "Hey taxi-dude! Think you got enough room in the front for a case of beer and a couple of chicken burgers?"

    Taxi guy says "Sure! Not a problem."

    "Some french fries and some meat loafs?"

    "Not a problem, sir," Taxi guy replied.

    The drunk guy goes, "BLLLLEEEEEECCCHHHHH!"
  • Rainy night

    Joe spent the evening tossing down a number of beers at the local bar. It was after eleven o'clock when he finally staggered out into the cold and rainy night in an attempt to find his way home. With the weather as bad as it was, he soon became lost, and found himself wandering through the town Cemetery. He slipped while walking and fell headlong into a freshly dug grave. In his condition, the rain and mud proved too much to handle, and he couldn't manage to climb out.
    "Help!" he cried out. "Help! I'm so cold!"
    A little while later, another over indulged inebriant left the bar. As luck would have it, the second man was nearby when he heard Joe cry.
    "Help, I'm so cold!" Joe continued to call.
    The other man staggered in the direction of the voice. It got louder and louder as he neared the cemetery.
    "Help! I'm cold! Help! I'm cold!"
    The second man followed the voice and approached the grave. As he peered over the side, Joe looked up and yelled one more time, "Help! I'm cold!"
    "Of course you're cold, replied the second drunk, peering down."You've kicked off all your dirt."