• Paying in Coins

    A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets it and begins to drink it and notices the beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer.

    Then it is time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender the guy throws 30 dimes behind the counter.

    The bartender is pissed and is on his hands and knees collecting change as the guy leaves.

    The next day the man is back and he comes in waiving a $3 dollar bill.

    The bartender thinks, "Okay, business is business..." and lets him in. Again, the beer is kind of warm, but the guy doesn't say anything.

    Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 note.

    The bartender goes to the register to get the change, but instead of taking out two $1 dollar bills, he takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the entire pub. The bartender says, "There is your f**king change!"

    The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes out 10 dimes, throws them behind the counter and says, "Gimme another beer!"
  • Wine Wisdom

    To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand.

    As Ben Franklin said:
    In wine there is wisdom,
    In beer there is freedom,
    In water there is bacteria.

    In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces.

    In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

    However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

    Remember:
    Water = Poop,
    Wine = Health.

    Therefore we conclude: It's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

    VERIFICATION: BOTH THE HOUSE AND SENATE DRINK A LOT OF WATER WHILE IN SESSION. THIS EXPLAINS THE RESULTS THEREIN.

    There is no need to thank me for this valuable information, I'm doing it as a public service.
    Have a nice day and enjoy a real drink!!!
  • The Golden Urinal

    A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.

    "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.

    "At this new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinal's gold!"

    The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story.

    "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.

    "Yes it is," bartender answers.

    "Do you have huge golden doors?"

    "Sure do."

    "Do you have golden floors?"

    "Most certainly do."

    "What about golden urinals?"

    There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!"
  • Less I Drink...

    A bloke went into a pub, sat down at the bar and ordered five pots.

    The barman wondered since he was alone, but served up the five pots. And the bloke downed them all... one, two, three, four, five.

    As he finished the last one, he called to the barman and ordered four more. The barman served up four pots and the bloke downed them... one, two, three, four.

    He belched, swayed a little on his stool, but ordered three more. And again he knocked them back.... one, two, three.

    "Two potsh, mate!" he called.

    The barman served him two pots and down they went.... one, two.

    "One pot, sssir!"

    The barman served him one but the bloke just sat there, staring at it, trying to focus.

    Then he told the barman, "Y'know, it'shs... ssstrange, but the lesssh I drink, the drunker I feel!"
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