Bar Jokes

There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. After he didn't move for a half-an-hour, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down. The poor man started crying.

The truck driver turned and said, "Come on Man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."

"No, it's not that." the man replied, "Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with my best friend."

The man was really sobbing now, "I left home depressed and come to this bar. And now, just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison!"

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?"

The guy answers, "A scotch, please."

The bartender hands him the drink, and says, "That'll be five dollars."

The guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."

The bartender says, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."

The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"

The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!"

The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."

To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch."

A guy goes into the bar and sits down and orders a drink. Other than the bartender, there's no one else in the place.

All of a sudden he hears a voice say, 'Nice suit.'

He looks around and doesn't see anyone and the bartender looks busy washing some glasses.

A little while later the same voice says, 'Nice tie.'

The guy looks around again and doesn't see anyone. He finally asks the bartender if he just said something.

'No,' replied the bartender, "it wasn't me. It was probably the peanuts though. They're complimentary.'

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink, and he said, "No thanks, I don't drink, I tried it once but I didn't like it!"

So the bartender said, "Well would you like a cigarette?"

The man said, "No, I don't smoke, I tried it once but I didn`t like it!"

The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No I don't like pool, I tried it once but I didn`t like it."

"As a matter of fact I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting on my son!"

The bartender said, "Your only son I presume!!"