• The Blonde Nun

    The Blonde Nun
    One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.

    "My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God.

    "Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun.

    "There must be something you would have of me," said God.

    "Well, there is one thing," she said.

    "Just name it," said God.

    "It's those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop."

    "Consider it done," said God. "Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you."

    "There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun.

    "Name it.... Please," said God.

    "It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel."
  • Legally Blonde

    A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher for 16 - 18 year olds.

    She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, kicking a football.

    She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

    "Are you ok?" she asks.

    "Yes," he replies.

    "You can go and play with the other kids, you know," she says.

    "It's best I stay here," he says.

    "Why's that, sweetie?" asks the blonde...

    The boy looks at her incredulously and says, "Because I'm the goal keeper !!!"
  • Vampire Dream

    A blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her psychologist.

    Psychologist: What is your dream about?

    Blonde: I am being chased by a vampire...

    Psychologist: So, where are you in this dream?

    Blonde: I am running in a hallway.

    Psychologist: Then what happens?

    Blonde: Well, that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to a door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it won't budge!

    Psychologist: Does the door have any letters on it?

    Blonde: Yes.

    Psychologist: And what do these letter spell?

    Blonde: P-U-L-L.
  • A Blonde‚Äôs Cookbook

    Monday: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

    Tuesday: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So, I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.

    Wednesday: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly, but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

    Thursday: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

    Friday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

    Saturday: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. For some reason, Tom keeps counting to ten.

    Sunday: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly, I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

    Well, good night, dear diary. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come, so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.