• Trying on Shoes

    A blonde walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes.

    "How do they feel?" asks the salesclerk.

    "Well, they feel a bit tight," replies the blonde.

    The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the blonde's feet.

    "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk.

    "Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth," the blonde replies.
  • Only Real Fashion

    A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices.

    After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price."

    Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

    The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."
  • Those Blond Men

    A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: Did you find the shampoo?
    He answers: Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine.

    A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
    "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
    The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
    The blond man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."

    A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
    It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND"
    He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

    A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
    "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
    "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

    A blond man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
    "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
    "Hanging myself," the blond replies.
    "The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.
    "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."

    An Italian tourist asks a blond man: Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?
    To which the blonde man replies: If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
  • Dealing with a Barking Dog

    A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbou r's dog.

    It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours.

    The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this."

    She goes downstairs.
    The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"
    The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard... let's see how THEY like all the barking!"