• Deer Hunting

    It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season.

    He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

    Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"

    Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!"

    Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.

    They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

    Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer.

    But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!"

    Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire.

    Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"
  • Milk Bath

    A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

    When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.

    So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

    The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

    The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

    The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

    The blonde said, "No, just up to my breasts... I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"
  • Ice Fishing

    There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish ice fishing.

    Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win, they kept pulling out fish after fish.

    Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently.

    A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back. "A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"
  • What's Scratch?

    A young bride was scouring the aisles of the supermarket. Up and down each aisle she went, then started over again. The store manager noticed this and went over to her.

    "Can I help you find something, miss?" he asked.

    "It's Mrs.," she said proudly, "I just got married."

    "Congratulations," said the manager. "What can I help you find?"

    "Scratch," she replied.

    "Scratch?" he asked, "Is that a new cleanser or something?"

    "No silly," she replied brightly. "My husband told me that his mother made everything from scratch, so I need to find some!"
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