• Coffee Machine Instructions

    Cousin Elly, who happens to be blonde, is the world's worst at getting instructions mixed up. When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it.

    Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready.

    A few weeks later Elly was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker.

    "Wonderful!" she replied, "However, there's one thing I don't understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?"
  • Parachute Jumping

    On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.

    He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

    The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

    "That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

    After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"
  • It's Thursday!!!

    A business man got on an elevator.

    He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T"

    She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

    He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

    The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

    The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."

    The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

    'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"

    The man answered, "S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'"
  • Women Hunters

    Three women, a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are lost in the forest while hunting. They each have a shotgun with 2 bullets. They make a fire. Then the redhead gets up and goes hunting.

    She comes back with 2 rabbits.

    The other two say, "Wow, where did you get that?"

    She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw rabbits. Rabbits ran. I shot. Rabbits stopped."

    Then the brunette leaves and comes back with a deer.

    The other two say, "Wow, Where did you get that?"

    She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw deer. Deer ran. I shot. Deer stopped."

    The blonde leaves and comes crawling back, all bloodied and black and blue.

    They others say, "Wow, where did you get that?"

    She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw train. Train ran. I shot. Train didn't stop!!