• Grand Slam Breakfast

    A trucker stopped at a local Denny's restaurant and placed his order.

    He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

    The new blonde waitress didn't want to appear stupid so she went to the kitchen and asked the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is... an auto parts store?"

    "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is for two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are two slices of crisp bacon. It's a special trucker version of our 'Grand Slam Breakfast'."

    "Oh, Okay." said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

    The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

    She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!!"
  • Stumping the Devil

    A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from the Devil - if they can stump him, they're free to go to heaven instead.

    The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy question - to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a book, and gives the answer.

    The mathematician tries as well - but the Devil instantly gets the answer.

    When it comes to the blonde, she pulls up a chair and drills three holes in it. She then sits down in the chair and farts.

    "Now," she says, "which hole did the fart come out of?"

    "That's easy," says the Devil. "All of them."

    "No, stupid! It came out of my butthole!"
  • Deer Hunting

    It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season.

    He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

    Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"

    Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!"

    Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.

    They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

    Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer.

    But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!"

    Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire.

    Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"
  • Milk Bath

    A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

    When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.

    So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

    The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

    The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

    The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

    The blonde said, "No, just up to my breasts... I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"
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