• Vampire Dream

    A blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her psychologist.

    Psychologist: What is your dream about?

    Blonde: I am being chased by a vampire...

    Psychologist: So, where are you in this dream?

    Blonde: I am running in a hallway.

    Psychologist: Then what happens?

    Blonde: Well, that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to a door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it won't budge!

    Psychologist: Does the door have any letters on it?

    Blonde: Yes.

    Psychologist: And what do these letter spell?

    Blonde: P-U-L-L.
  • A Blonde‚Äôs Cookbook

    Monday: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

    Tuesday: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So, I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.

    Wednesday: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly, but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

    Thursday: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

    Friday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

    Saturday: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. For some reason, Tom keeps counting to ten.

    Sunday: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly, I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

    Well, good night, dear diary. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come, so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.
  • Turn Off Your Cell Phone

    I went to the movies the other night and sat in an aisle seat, as I usually do, because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the center of the row got up and started working her way out.

    "Excuse me. Sorry! Oops. Excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry. Oops! Excuse me."

    By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient, so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?"

    "No!" she said in a loud whisper. "The 'Turn Off Your Cell Phone, Please' message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car.
  • Lady Cops

    Five blokes in an Audi Quattro arrived at the ferry checkpoint.

    Blonde Tracey, in her brand new uniform, stops them and tells them, "I can't let you on the ferry. It is illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro. Quattro means four. One of you will have to get out and stay behind."

    "Quattro is just the name of the car," the driver replies disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons."
    "You cannot pull that one on me. This is Tracey you're talking to here," she replies with a smile. "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law. So I can't let you onto the ferry. It's more than my job's worth to let you all on."
    The driver is now very cross and replies angrily, "I've had enough of you. Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence....!" "Sorry," responds Tracey, "but Sharon is busy with those two blokes in the Fiat Uno."