• The Real Blonde

    A blonde went into a pet shop and asked the owner if he had any parrots.

    The owner replied, "Sorry, I don't have any at the moment."

    "Dammmnnn and blast!" said the blonde, "I have been invited to a fancy dress party for the first time in my life and I want to go as a Pirate, and I have been told to be as authentic as possible, hence the need for the parrot explained the Blonde.

    "Well" said the owner, "if you come back here next week, specifically on Thursday, I am expecting a shipment from South America and I'll be able to supply you with a parrot, guaranteed."

    "Dammmmnnnn and blast!" said the blonde, "I can't come on that day or for some time after."

    "Why not?" Asked the owner.

    "Because that is the day I'm having my leg amputated!"
  • Buying a New BMW

    A retired older couple return to a BMW dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful blonde in a mini skirt and halter top.

    The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply. "Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $55,000 asking price," said the older man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young lady there.
    And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model."

    The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water.

    "Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?" replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.

    Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man... "There you go," she said. "I told you I could get him to lower the price..... ee you later, Dad."
  • Grand Slam Breakfast

    A trucker stopped at a local Denny's restaurant and placed his order.

    He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

    The new blonde waitress didn't want to appear stupid so she went to the kitchen and asked the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is... an auto parts store?"

    "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is for two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are two slices of crisp bacon. It's a special trucker version of our 'Grand Slam Breakfast'."

    "Oh, Okay." said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

    The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

    She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!!"
  • Stumping the Devil

    A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from the Devil - if they can stump him, they're free to go to heaven instead.

    The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy question - to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a book, and gives the answer.

    The mathematician tries as well - but the Devil instantly gets the answer.

    When it comes to the blonde, she pulls up a chair and drills three holes in it. She then sits down in the chair and farts.

    "Now," she says, "which hole did the fart come out of?"

    "That's easy," says the Devil. "All of them."

    "No, stupid! It came out of my butthole!"