• Stumping the Devil

    A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from the Devil - if they can stump him, they're free to go to heaven instead.

    The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy question - to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a book, and gives the answer.

    The mathematician tries as well - but the Devil instantly gets the answer.

    When it comes to the blonde, she pulls up a chair and drills three holes in it. She then sits down in the chair and farts.

    "Now," she says, "which hole did the fart come out of?"

    "That's easy," says the Devil. "All of them."

    "No, stupid! It came out of my butthole!"
  • What's Scratch?

    A young bride was scouring the aisles of the supermarket. Up and down each aisle she went, then started over again. The store manager noticed this and went over to her.

    "Can I help you find something, miss?" he asked.

    "It's Mrs.," she said proudly, "I just got married."

    "Congratulations," said the manager. "What can I help you find?"

    "Scratch," she replied.

    "Scratch?" he asked, "Is that a new cleanser or something?"

    "No silly," she replied brightly. "My husband told me that his mother made everything from scratch, so I need to find some!"
  • Grand Slam Breakfast

    A trucker stopped at a local Denny's restaurant and placed his order.

    He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

    The new blonde waitress didn't want to appear stupid so she went to the kitchen and asked the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is... an auto parts store?"

    "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is for two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are two slices of crisp bacon. It's a special trucker version of our 'Grand Slam Breakfast'."

    "Oh, Okay." said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

    The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

    She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!!"
  • Ice Fishing

    There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish ice fishing.

    Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win, they kept pulling out fish after fish.

    Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently.

    A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back. "A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"
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