• What's Scratch?

    A young bride was scouring the aisles of the supermarket. Up and down each aisle she went, then started over again. The store manager noticed this and went over to her.

    "Can I help you find something, miss?" he asked.

    "It's Mrs.," she said proudly, "I just got married."

    "Congratulations," said the manager. "What can I help you find?"

    "Scratch," she replied.

    "Scratch?" he asked, "Is that a new cleanser or something?"

    "No silly," she replied brightly. "My husband told me that his mother made everything from scratch, so I need to find some!"
  • How To Call For Help

    My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon he noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen.

    After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.

    Finally, he approached her and asked if she needed help.

    She replied, "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!"
  • Odd One Out

    Three girls apply for a job. At the interview they are told they will have to answer a question then explain their answer.

    Gwyneth goes first and is shown a cauliflower, a potato and a knife. She is then asked which one is the odd one out and the reason why.

    She ponders for a minute then answers, "The knife, because the knife is long yet the other two are round."

    Her answer was accepted.

    Beryl goes next and she also chooses the knife explaining that the knife was mineral while the other two were vegetable. Her answer was also accepted.

    Finally, Blodwen thought for a minute after being asked the same question then replied, "The cauliflower is the odd one because you can make chips with the other two."
  • A Genuine Blonde

    A blonde went into a pet shop and asked the owner if he had any parrots. The owner replied, "Sorry, I don't have any at the moment."

    "Damn!" said the blonde, "I've been invited to a fancy masquerade party for the first time in my life, and I've been told to be as authentic as possible. I'm going as a pirate, and that's why I need the parrot,` explained the blonde.

    "Well" said the owner, "if you come back here next week, specifically on Thursday, I am expecting a shipment from South America and I'll be able to supply you with a parrot, guaranteed."

    "Damn!" said the blonde, "I can't come on that day or for some time after."

    "Why not?" Asked the owner.

    "Because that is the day I'm having my leg amputated!"