• How To Call For Help

    My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon he noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen.

    After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.

    Finally, he approached her and asked if she needed help.

    She replied, "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!"
  • Odd One Out

    Three girls apply for a job. At the interview they are told they will have to answer a question then explain their answer.

    Gwyneth goes first and is shown a cauliflower, a potato and a knife. She is then asked which one is the odd one out and the reason why.

    She ponders for a minute then answers, "The knife, because the knife is long yet the other two are round."

    Her answer was accepted.

    Beryl goes next and she also chooses the knife explaining that the knife was mineral while the other two were vegetable. Her answer was also accepted.

    Finally, Blodwen thought for a minute after being asked the same question then replied, "The cauliflower is the odd one because you can make chips with the other two."
  • A Genuine Blonde

    A blonde went into a pet shop and asked the owner if he had any parrots. The owner replied, "Sorry, I don't have any at the moment."

    "Damn!" said the blonde, "I've been invited to a fancy masquerade party for the first time in my life, and I've been told to be as authentic as possible. I'm going as a pirate, and that's why I need the parrot,` explained the blonde.

    "Well" said the owner, "if you come back here next week, specifically on Thursday, I am expecting a shipment from South America and I'll be able to supply you with a parrot, guaranteed."

    "Damn!" said the blonde, "I can't come on that day or for some time after."

    "Why not?" Asked the owner.

    "Because that is the day I'm having my leg amputated!"
  • Emergency Landing

    A young blonde pilot is beginning flying lessons and is in a two-seater airplane with just the instructor pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. The frantic young blonde pilot calls out a May Day.

    "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My instructor pilot had a heart attack and is dead, and I don't know how to fly. I'm just learning to be a pilot. Help me! Please help me!"

    She hears a voice over the radio saying, "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Is the plane flying level? Is the instructor pilot strapped in his seat? Just give me your height and position."

    She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

    (After a long pause)

    "O.K." says the voice on the radio... Now, repeat after me: 'Our Father Who art in Heaven'..."