|One day a blonde felt like being a rebel, so she decided that she would drink and drive.|
She found a cop car in the parking lot of a donut shop, so she started to drive around, circling the cop car.
After about 10 minutes of driving round and round she got fed up, so she parked the car, got out and walked over to the cop car, looked at the cop and said, "Aren't you going to arrest me?"
The cop asked, "Why?"
She replied, "Cause I was drinking and driving!"
The cop looked at her in bewilderment and answered, "We can't arrest you if you're driving while drinking... water!"
|It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season.|
He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.
Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"
Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!"
Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.
They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."
Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer.
But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!"
Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire.
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"
|A blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her psychologist.|
Psychologist: What is your dream about?
Blonde: I am being chased by a vampire...
Psychologist: So, where are you in this dream?
Blonde: I am running in a hallway.
Psychologist: Then what happens?
Blonde: Well, that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to a door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it won't budge!
Psychologist: Does the door have any letters on it?
Psychologist: And what do these letter spell?
|I went to the movies the other night and sat in an aisle seat, as I usually do, because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the center of the row got up and started working her way out.|
"Excuse me. Sorry! Oops. Excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry. Oops! Excuse me."
By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient, so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?"
"No!" she said in a loud whisper. "The 'Turn Off Your Cell Phone, Please' message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car.