• Emergency Landing

    A young blonde pilot is beginning flying lessons and is in a two-seater airplane with just the instructor pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. The frantic young blonde pilot calls out a May Day.

    "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My instructor pilot had a heart attack and is dead, and I don't know how to fly. I'm just learning to be a pilot. Help me! Please help me!"

    She hears a voice over the radio saying, "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Is the plane flying level? Is the instructor pilot strapped in his seat? Just give me your height and position."

    She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

    (After a long pause)

    "O.K." says the voice on the radio... Now, repeat after me: 'Our Father Who art in Heaven'..."
  • Acquired Intelligence

    A blonde girl wants to know what life is like as a brunette girl, so she goes to the hairdresser and has her hair died brown.

    Eager to show the world her newly acquired intelligence, she goes on a walk and meets a shepherd. She walks towards him and says, "If I can guess how many sheep you have in your pack, can I have one?"

    "Fair deal," the shepherd says and the blonde guesses '457'.

    The shepherd, really surprised about the ability of the girl, says, "A deal is a deal, you guessed the right number, pick a sheep and you can keep it."

    After the girl has picked her favourite of the pack, the shepherd says, "If I can guess, which colour your hair had before you dyed it brown, can I get my dog back?"
  • Blondes on a Picnic

    There were these two blondes driving along the highway looking for a place to stop and picnic.

    The first blonde says, "Let's stop here, and have our picnic under that tree."

    The other says, "No! Let's have it right here in the middle of the road."

    They argued about it for a bit, but finally agreed to have it in the middle of the road.

    All of a sudden, a car comes speeding towards them and has to swerve into the tree to keep from hitting them.

    The one blonde says to the other, "See? If we were under that tree, we'd be dead now!"
  • Drink and Drive !

    One day a blonde felt like being a rebel, so she decided that she would drink and drive.

    She found a cop car in the parking lot of a donut shop, so she started to drive around, circling the cop car.

    After about 10 minutes of driving round and round she got fed up, so she parked the car, got out and walked over to the cop car, looked at the cop and said, "Aren't you going to arrest me?"

    The cop asked, "Why?"

    She replied, "Cause I was drinking and driving!"

    The cop looked at her in bewilderment and answered, "We can't arrest you if you're driving while drinking... water!"