• Only Real Fashion

    A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices.

    After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price."

    Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

    The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."
  • Those Blond Men

    A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: Did you find the shampoo?
    He answers: Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine.

    A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
    "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
    The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
    The blond man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."

    A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
    It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND"
    He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

    A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
    "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
    "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

    A blond man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
    "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
    "Hanging myself," the blond replies.
    "The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.
    "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."

    An Italian tourist asks a blond man: Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?
    To which the blonde man replies: If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
  • Dealing with a Barking Dog

    A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbou r's dog.

    It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours.

    The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this."

    She goes downstairs.
    The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"
    The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard... let's see how THEY like all the barking!"
  • The Deer Hunter

    A man decided to take his blonde wife deer hunting for the first time.

    After he explained the basics to his blonde wife, he told her the most important piece of information, "Whenever you shoot something, make sure to claim it right away or the first person who gets to your kill can claim it as their own, so be quick if we want to have deer meat in the refrigerator." he said.

    They departed to their deer boxes and waited for some deer. Minutes later he heard his blonde wife's gun go off. The husband decided to make sure she went to claim her kill instead of giving it away to someone.

    When he got to his blonde wife she was arguing with another man who was waving his hands in the air.

    The man said, "OK, fine lady you can have your deer but do you mind if I get my saddle off before you take it away."