• Hold up!

    A tea party in honour of freedom fighters was in progress at Giani Zail Singh’s house. Two other former Presidents, Neelam Sanjiva Reddy and R. Venkataraman were also present. Suddenly a group of terrorists took over the party. They lined up all the three former Presidents for execution.
    As the firing squad got ready, Sanjiva Reddy yelled, "Earthquake!" and escaped in a commotion that followed.
    The executioners got ready again, and as they took aim, Venkataraman shouted, "Flood!" and he too escaped in the confusion.
    As the firing squad lined for the third time, Zail Singh decided to try the same idea and yelled, "Fire !!!!!"
  • Bill Clinton died?

    When he reached the pearly gates and knocked, St. Peter asked "Who is it?"
    Clinton said, "It`s me, Bill Clinton."
    Peter asked, "Have you done anything wrong that I should know about?"
    Clinton said, "I smoked pot once, but you can`t hold it against me because I did not inhale. I was unfaithful to my wife, but you cannot hold it against me because I didn`t have sex. I lied, but you can`t hold it against me because I didn`t commit perjury."

    Peter said "Well we are going to send you to a place, but we`re not going to call it Hell. You are going to stay there for a while, but we are not going to call it eternity."
  • Define Tragedy

    Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone could give him an example of a "tragedy."
    One little boy stands up and offers "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."
    "No," Clinton says, "that would be an ACCIDENT."
    A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off cliff, killing everyone involved ... that would be a tragedy."
    "I m afraid not," explains Clinton.
    "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
    The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.
    "What ?" asks Clinton, "Isn`t there anyone who can give an example of a tragedy?"
    Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy."
    "Wonderful! " Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
    "Well ," says the boy, " because it wouldn t be an accident and it certainly wouldn`t be a great loss!"
  • On That Note:

    Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
    Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".
    Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
    Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy".